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Ball Don't Lie

Mavs fan wisely gets Dirk Nowitzki’s face tattooed on his butt

Dan Devine
Ball Don't Lie

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The news might trouble Dirk Nowitzki a bit, or at least give him some pause, but from where I'm sitting, this is a very shrewd manuever, Derek Dilday.

Now, if you're ever stranded somewhere completely naked without any form of identification, everyone will just be like, "Oh, wait, I know this guy — this is Derek Dilday, the Dallas Mavericks superfan who got a sizable tattoo of a tall German man's face on his butt-cheek." Now we will all know who you are, forever! You are immortal; you have inside you blood of kings.

Because we three kings of Ball Don't Lie are gentlemen, especially before noon, a picture of the tattoo is hidden behind the veil of secrecy that is a "Read More" link. Hit the jump for photographic evidence of the rear art, which is NSFW if you work in a place that doesn't particularly appreciate JPEGs of bare bottoms, and for an explanation of why this exists in the first place.

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Here's the story that Mr. Dilday — it's a rule that you have to call any man with Dirk Nowitzki's face permanently inked on his hindquarters "Mr." — offered The Mixmaster, the Dallas Observer's arts and culture (and, apparently, tattoos of NBA players on dudes' butts) blog:

[...] Once [the Mavs] got to the Finals, especially against the Miami Heat, I may have got a little too excited and posted on Facebook that I would get Dirk's face tatted on my ass if they won it all. I got quite a few comments back from friends, so I knew that if they did win it all I would kind of have to do it. When Dirk lifted the Larry O'Brien and the MVP trophy it was the greatest sports moment of my life. I sports-cried, called a high school friend that does tattoos and have been on a Dallas Mavericks championship high ever since. Now I realize that I will be sitting on a big German man's face for the rest of my life.

Your gross closing bro-pun aside, Derek, I applaud your gumption and willingness to stick by what was obviously a great decision, made as it was after having gotten a little too excited and posting on Facebook, which is how all excellent choices in a 21st-century person's life are made. It is my sincere hope that, now that you have come off your championship high and realized in the harsh light of morning what you have done, your sports tears (which are totally a thing, I'm sure) will not turn into real tears, lest they be tears of joy.

News of Dilday's derriere-defacing comes less than one month after fellow excitable Texan Rob Salsman also elected to commemorate the Mavs' NBA championship win with a Dirk tattoo. (Suddenly, having a silhouette of a jumpshot on your leg forever seems positively tame.) There is now a new leader in the "Who Can Get the Oddest Dirk Nowitzki Tattoo?" race, which is a race that I hope lasts for the rest of my natural-born life, or at least the entirety of the NBA lockout.

Plus, if the Mavs start to suck again, Dilday can always say it's really just a long-haired David Lee. Like I said: Very shrewd, Derek.

Hat-tips to The Hoop Doctors and friend of the program Gian Casimiro, one of the great minds behind Posting and Toasting.

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