Jonjo Shelvey has an air freshener hanging from the mirror in his Range Rover.
You know what's a great way to start a TV show about a football club each week? With the same view of a middle-aged playwright reciting what sounds like the same poem that immediately makes you question why you're watching this show and whether it will ever again show you anything more interesting than what you might find in a credit card advertisement. Luckly, after a bit more gristle, episode four finally delivered the answers to those questions.
Here are the very best moments (presented in order of appearance)...
1. Who let the Everton fans in to meet Jonjo Shelvey?
What about Merseyside's other No. 7? The anti-Luis Suarez conspiracy runs deep.
Jonjo Shelvey goes for a photo op with a small group of local kids, most of whom are kitted out in Liverpool gear (plus one in the ridiculous new Barcelona away kit), but two wearing Nikica Jelavic Everton shirts managed to sneak in there. This being a meticulously presented documentary about Liverpool, the shocking thing about it is that those shirts weren't changed to Suarez ones in post-production.
2. Jamie Carragher continues to test your listening ability
Jamie Carragher sits like a gentleman in the dressing room.
On his 700 matches with Liverpool: "Tleja;sjlsa fsl lj; jkf ;aslj ls;aj,.mfas.mekljds. It's a lot of games. Gdkjfdsjoac kjaewlkfd dsc.,skwqqqqqq."
3. Joe Cole makes a rare appearance with prop comedy
But seriously, it really is Raheem's seat.
As in actual Liverpool matches, Joe Cole sightings in this show have been few and far between. So, he's been reduced to Carrot Top style prop comedy to try and get the camera's attention -- this time wandering around with a child's car seat before the bus leaves for the club's first match at West Brom. He tells everyone that it's for 17-year-old Raheem Sterling (who has more appearances than Joe Cole does so far this season). Not shown: When Brendan Rodgers makes Stewart Downing sit in it until he starts playing like an adult.
4. Brendan Rodgers is The Great Carnac
Rodgers takes his managerial cues from American late night television.
After calling in the team for a 9 p.m. meeting at the hotel the night before the first match and showing them a PowerPoint presentation, Brendan Rodgers pulls out three envelopes. "I think there's three people who will let us down this year," he tells them, holding up the envelopes for a bit he stole from Johnny Carson. "The cause, the fight, everything. They're going to let us down. And I've wrote them down right here. And my point to you as players -- and staff -- make sure you're not the one in the envelope. ... But I think there's a maximum of three who will let us down. Make sure you're not one." Then the camera rests on Stewart Downing because his name is surely written in all three.
From there, Liverpool lose to West Brom, the fans and pundits are gloomy, Fabio Borini moves house again and it all ends with a bit of Brendan Rodgers optimism speak set to slow motion images and a bit of acoustic guitar before reverting back to the Scouse poetry jam.
Bonus Andy Carroll foreshadowing: "Doubts grows about Andy Carroll's future with the club..." narrator Clive Owen says over the image of Carroll awkwardly falling into a teammate at training, right in front of Brendan Rodgers.
- Sports & Recreation
- Brendan Rodgers