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Dirty Tackle

The very best moments of Being: Liverpool episode 1

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

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Unnecessary punctuation is: unnecessary.

The first episode of Being: Liverpool, the six-part documentary providing an all-access look at the club and the lives of everyone involved, debuted on American television over the weekend (and before that, all over the Internet). Though it is essentially a long advertisement for the club, it was surprisingly enjoyable and included a number of great moments that should bring fans of all clubs back for episode two.

Here are some of the choice cuts from the first installment (in order of appearance)...

1. Brendan Rodgers isn't great at math

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Pepe Reina was so confused by this that he immediately forgot how to be a goalkeeper.

The episode starts with new Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers' pep talk just before the club's Premier League opener at West Brom (which Liverpool lost 3-0).

"The thing to remember before we start this campaign is one thing," said Rodgers before counting to three with his fingers. "You can only trust yourselves. No one else. You trust the supporters, because they're the best. You trust your family at home." Either Rodgers is getting really deep and saying that we're all a part of a single, shared consciousness or he's saying that his players actually should trust more than just themselves.

2. The Explanation for sacking King Kenny

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Kenny Dalglish as "Former Liverpool Manager"

When the documentary was first announced, Fox Sports chairmain David Hill said, ''We probably will have to do a tad of captioning for Kenny [Dalglish]." But they actually found an even simpler way around his Scottish accent by reducing him to a non-speaking role.

Though they started filming before last season's FA Cup final loss to Chelsea, they only showed that match from the perspective of fans in a Liverpool pub, followed by a lowlight reel of Liverpool's "three-year lull of mediocrity."

Chairman Tom Werner and owner John W. Henry then explain that, "When we first talked with Kenny about coming in, he understood, we understood that at some point there was going to be a time where he was going to step aside when we found the right person for the long term. And he said that to me in the first conversation we had that he would be ready for that." It would be interesting to hear if Dalglish remembers it the same way, but we don't. Narrator Clive Owen then seems to contradict Henry's timeline by saying the club hired Rodgers "after a month-long search for a replacement" (Dalglish was sacked two weeks before Rodgers signed on).

3. Brendan Rodgers walks alone

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"On this his first day," Owen breathes. "Rodgers lingers. And takes a solitary lap around one of the most famed pitches in the world." And he definitely didn't just do it because the film crew told him to.

4. Monopoly party!

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Pass GO and get bit by Luis Suarez.

Lucas Leiva has South American teammates/friends Sebastian Coates and Luis Suarez along with their WAGs and kids over to his house for a get together. They all play Monopoly. This game should have been the entire first episode.

5. Brendan Rodgers' house

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There is only one picture on the wall. It is of Brendan Rodgers.

This is the large portrait of Brendan Rodgers in Brendan Rodgers' house.

6. The introduction of Theo

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Nothing can protect you, Theo.

This is Theo. Rodgers introduces him as his 16-year-old daughter's "special friend." Theo is/was a model for Hollister. He is also the son of Colin Pascoe, Rodgers' assistant manager. That last fact will not save Theo from mysteriously disappearing any day now.

7. Awkward conversation staring Charlie Adam and Cody Ross

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In this moment, Charlie Adam could not wait to go to Stoke.

In Boston for their preseason USA tour, the team visits their owners' other club -- the Boston Red Sox. Both teams met in the Red Sox' locker room at Fenway Park, which is where the following exchange between Charlie Adam and Red Sox left fielder Cody Ross took place.

Ross: Do you play cricket? You ever play cricket?
Adam: (in the least interested tone of voice humanly possible) No, I never play cricket. No.
Ross: (shakes his head, hoping to force out something else to say) Just soccer...
Adam: Yeah, just football. Yeah.
Ross: Er, football. Yeah...

It would have been such a fantastic way to end the episode if they just cut to black right there. But then we wouldn't have gotten Daniel Pacheco learning what a baseball is...

8. Daniel Pacheco learns what a baseball is

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Daniel Pacheco has no idea what is going on right now

He is told it is "a ball." He then proceeds to gaze upon it like he couldn't wait to have sex with it.

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Daniel Pacheco has found his precious.

And that's when it should have cut to black.

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