The hilarious listing of an Olympic Village apartment on Australia's Airbnb
Considering the problems plaguing Team Australia during their first week at the 2016 Rio de Janeiro Olympics — the blocked toilets and exposed wires that delayed their check-in, the trash fire that set off an early morning fire alarm, the stolen laptops and uniforms during said fire alarm, and the gastrointestinal illness that left four athletes quarantined — frustrations are boiling over Down Under.
So, some heroic Australian inserted some humor, posting Rio de Janeiro’s Olympic Village on the country’s Airbnb website for $104 per night under the description “minimalist incomplete chic.”
Jokingly listed for 16-plus inhabitants in a 10-bedroom apartment with just seven beds and a half bathroom — complete with faux photos of a jail-style bed, an overflowing toilet, a smashed-to-smithereens electrical box and a horse on the balcony — the comedic description reads as follows:
Our cosy rooms are accessible by construction elevator and all bedding meets the 1949 Geneva Convention.
Bathrooms are blissfully graced with dual toilet/water features and the living room is adorned by the romantic crackle of live wires.
Gaze over the enticing chestnut waters of Lagoa de Jacarepagua as it teems with life, which is microscopic in nature.
Rooms are not fitted with smoke detectors, but all walls are filled with enough asbestos to withstand a demonic infernus.
The pseudo suite is “not suitable for infants,” although amenities include a brown water-filled swimming pool (“We use only 100 percent organic chlorine-free water, so always remember — ‘Mouth closed or down you go!'”) and a fitness center outfitted with decrepit equipment (“our elite facilities put the human body under the exact same levels of stress as high altitude training, but at sea level”).
[Related: IOC offers website for media to file complaints on Rio treatment]
Finally, this fictitious flat has a handful of house rules that guests must abide by during their stay:
– Keep mouth closed when swimming
– Clean urine provided daily
– Pool is 100% organic chlorine-free
– Russians not allowed
– Complimentary anti-kidnapping classes
– Shower curtains must be hand-stitched by guests
That last item is a nod to Australian basketball legend Andrew Bogut, who shared on Twitter his trials and tribulations with a shower curtain upon arriving in Rio earlier this week. While we sure hope the Aussies don’t run into any more distractions during their stay once the Olympic Games begin in earnest on Friday, at least they have a fellow countryman to thank for turning those frowns upside down. (Or are they always right side up below the equator in Australia? Either way, good on ya, mate!)
Yahoo Sports’ Greg Wyshynski reports live from the streets of Rio:
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is a contributor for Ball Don’t Lie and Shutdown Corner on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at rohrbach_ben@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter! Follow @brohrbach
