We turn to sports for relief, an escape from daily life. Sadly, there is no escaping some of the really dumb ideas meandering through the sports world right now. Let's begin with Don King.
Watch your wallet. King has proposed that the Florida Marlins build a new baseball stadium on land that he owns in Palm Beach County. Understand, when King makes an offer like this it's a little like Hannibal Lecter inviting you over for dinner – yeah, you are the dinner.
Not quite as bad, but still in the "WHY NOT JUST PUT A STAPLE GUN UP TO MY FOREHEAD?" category: Andy Roddick has agreed to star in his own reality TV show. Cameras will follow him from tournament to tournament, everywhere except the bedroom. Frankly, that's disappointing given that his girlfriend is Mandy Moore.
The hype over LeBron James' first NBA game against Carmelo Anthony wasn't a bad idea – for the 2006 season. But for now there is no good reason to subject America to a game between the Cleveland Cavaliers and Denver Nuggets. The NBA clearly wants to turn 'Bron-'Melo into the next Bird-Magic rivalry.
The difference is that Bird and Magic were leading their teams to championships – and neither ever has been outscored by little Earl Boykins. The Nuggets' 5-foot, 5-inch guard had 18 points on Wednesday. 'Bron and 'Melo combined for 21.
Which leads me to the next bad idea. We're hearing more and more NBA stars grumbling about zone defenses. The zone is killing scoring very much like reality TV is killing brain cells. Says the zone-busted Tracy McGrady: "Basically we're settling for more jumpers than ever. It's just tough to score that way."
Note to McGrady: Maybe you guys need to learn how to shoot. That's why the United States now struggles so much in international competition: We're busy dunking. While the rest of the world is working on shooting, we can't hit the broad side of Anna Nicole Smith.
So, eliminating zones would be another bad idea.
As would hiring "consultants" to evaluate your head coach. Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder brought in weathered vets Joe Bugel and Foge Fazio to review the Redskins' operation and maybe help keep QB Patrick Ramsey upright. It's kind of like asking the fry cook at Denny's to drop in on Wolfgang Puck to see if the ol' Puckster is missing anything.
Snyder plunked down $25 million over five years to lure Steve Spurrier from the University of Florida to the NFL. A year and a half into his Redskins stint, all that remains to be decided is how much the ol' ball coach will settle for on his way out.
Snyder believes the more he meddles, the more likely the Redskins will win. Spurrier was the unquestioned king at Florida. Now he has to answer to Steinbrenner Jr. It's quickly become a rocky marriage, a bad idea from the start.
But it would make one helluva reality TV show.