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Gossip Squash: Jose Mourinho didn't suggest he wants to sign Mario Balotelli or Rafa Varane

Jose Mourinho can see into your soul.

It's only been a few hours since Jose Mourinho was announced as Yahoo's Global Football Ambassador for 2014, but it turns out that was plenty of time for outlets around the world to twist his words and invent transfer rumors. Here are a couple of the new bits of gossip that have sprung from Mourinho's first interview with Yahoo, as well as the original video so you can see how your transfer rumor sausage is made.

Jose Mourinho hints Chelsea could sign Mario Balotelli! (Metro) — The supposed fuel Mourinho added to the imaginary fire of this claim are the words "you never know the future." The same thing you might say if someone asks if you might get eaten by the robotic shark from Jaws one day. And that's exactly the type of hypothetical that was posed to Mourinho when he said this.

"In a perfect world, would you like to work with him again?" the interviewer asks him at the start of the video.

"In football, you never know the future," Mourinho eventually responds, matter of factly. "Milan, I suppose they want to keep their best players...he was already in English football. For sure I am not going to be his manager at Milan or at the Italian national team, so I don't think it is an easy situation in the future, but he's a good guy."

With the full quote, you can see that he's not giving a winking, "Hey hey, I want to work with him, but it won't be at Milan or the national team, so it has to be at Chelsea!" He's just answering a hypothetical question by saying he likes Mario, but their paths probably won't cross again.

Jose Mourinho hints he will move for Raphael Varane this summer! (Mirror/Sun) — This one is even more amazing. Mourinho is asked for three young players to watch out for at the World Cup this summer. He says Neymar, Eden Hazard and Rafa Varane. He is then asked specifically to elaborate on Varane. So Mourinho says he thinks Varane is the best young central defender in the world. That's it. That's all he said about Varane.There were no secret hand signals. He did not hold up any signs. That was it.

Yet this somehow means he will not only try to buy Varane, but he will do it this summer.

Transfer rumors, ladies and gentlemen.

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Brooks Peck

is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter!