Not only has FC Dallas' visit to Columbus Crew provided us with a textbook throat-kick DTotD, but also a fine example of assistant referee abuse. FC Dallas' Brek Shea was unhappy with the linesman for calling a foul on him, and expressed his disappointment via the medium of volleying the ball directly at the official's stomach.

He escaped without a yellow card for the incident — as did the Crew's Tony Tchani for what looked like an obvious flop — but the U.S. national team midfielder wasreprimanded by MLS on Thursday with a three-match suspension and an undisclosed fine.

It seems like a reasonably strong punishment, but at least half of the fine has to be for that haircut.

Since the death of Paul, the oracle octopus who had a perfect record in predicting winners at the 2010 World Cup, there have been many other animals to copy his schtick and they have all been pretty terrible. But since Bayern Munich are playing the Champions League final at their home ground, Chelsea will need all the support they can get. Even if it's from a llama.

So, presented with the choice between Bayern and Chelsea, this snack food spokesman/llama resisted the initial urge to back the home side and went with Chelsea. Or, as the llama saw it: the blue thing.

Since this was a llama and not Paul, who was a true genius of our time, this was all a bit meaningless. But, hey, look at the llama!

Michael Owen in motion. (Getty)

Manchester United informed Michael Owen that they would not be renewing his contract after three years with the club. The 32-year-old made just four appearances for Man United last season and though he says he will play on elsewhere, his time with the club was special. And so, we look back on the many great memories we have of Michael Owen at Manchester United.

Feel free to play the Sarah McLachlan song of your choice as the emotions overcome you...

The weather is even nicer than this in Manchester (Facebook.com)

In the promotional materials for the upcoming 2012/13 Manchester United tablecloth jersey, manufacturer Nike has been proudly stressing the city's role in the Industrial Revolution. The "gingham" fabric of the new shirt was made famous by Manchester cotton mills in the 18th century, so therefore Wayne Rooney will have to dress like something you set up a picnic on throughout next season.

As part of their "Made of Manchester" promotion campaign, Nike posted the above image to the Manchester Utd Facebook page this week. It stayed live until someone realized the grim industrial landscape was actually an enchanting vista of Oldham, and not the city that's home to Old Trafford, the Gallagher brothers and the reigning Premier League champions.

Strictly speaking, Oldham is in Greater Manchester, but it is far enough from the city of Manchester to denote an epic marketing fail in this instance. According to The Sun, a spokesman has said "it will not be used in any other part of the campaign."

You may remember Vancouver's Eric Hassli for his chip and volley wonder goal against Seattle last season. Though his latest wasn't quite as astonishing, it was another exquisite volley worthy of playing on a loop.

With Toronto leading Vancouver 1-0 in the first leg of the Canadian Championship final at the beginning of stoppage time, Hassli found himself in open space inside the box and on the receiving end of an Alan Rochat cross, which he pinged into the top corner with grace and ease.

That salvaged a 1-1 home draw for Vancouver and gave Hassli his third goal in three matches after failing to score in his first eight matches this season.

Liverpool owner John W. Henry with his wife Linda. (Getty)

Despite his regal status and winning the Carling Cup, Liverpool have sacked Kenny Dalglish, whose second stint as manager of the club lasted less than two years. Now faced with the daunting task of finding a manager to return the club to past glory, Liverpool owner John W. Henry must sift through the candidates to find the best one. The following is a transcript of his first group interview.

Henry: Thank you all for coming in today. You've all been asked here because we feel you are the best prospects to succeed a club legend and bring Liverpool the success we demand. Before we continue, Mr. Berbatov, I realize you're leaving Manchester United, but you should know that we're not looking to hire a player-manager here.

Berbatov: Oh, I'm not here for the job.

Henry: Then why are you here?

Berbatov: (To Linda) Well hello there. I see you've caught me crashing a job interview. Like me, you look good in red, but probably look even better out of it. Ha-HA!

Henry: Please don't talk to my wife like that. You can leave now.

Berbatov: Oh-OHHH! That's your wife?! I thought she was the sultry ghost of Anfield that only I could see, but anyone could seduce. Oh, this is terrible.

[Berbatov leaves through a window]

Henry: Anyway, I thank all of you who were actually invited for coming in. Now let's get to the first question. What would you bring to Liverpool that the other candidates wouldn't?

Carlos Tevez being Carlos Tevez.

During Man City's victory parade on Monday, Carlos Tevez gleefully held up a poster that read 'RIP Fergie' that he procured from the crowd. The message was a play on Man United manager Sir Alex Ferguson's response of "not in my lifetime" when asked in 2009 if his side would ever be underdogs in a Manchester derby and prompted a quick apology from City.

"I got carried away in the excitement of the moment and I certainly didn't mean any disrespect to Sir Alex Ferguson, who I admire as a man and a manager," Tevez initially said. But now, true to form, Tevez has changed his tune.

You might think that winning the Premier League title would be enough to momentarily distract Nigel De Jong from his unquenchable bloodlust, but it wasn't.

In the aftermath of City's improbably stoppage-time win against QPR to take the title last Sunday, De Jong, with his winner's medal around his neck, chased after Man City's kit man, Chappy, and took him down with a sliding challenge. He then pretended to punch Chappy before ripping an inflatable dolphin from his hands and beating him with it. De Jong then walked away with a smile on his face, finally satisfied. For now...

This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicling of unfortunate events.