How Des Moines North girls soccer's family bond is 'something really special'

There is an energy permeating this Des Moines North girls soccer practice.

Dozens of players – alongside coaches and alumni – warm up on a muddy field sandwiched between the Des Moines River and Grubb Stadium.

The temperature hovers around the mid-50s, lowered by a steady breeze blowing off the water, and players donning anything from T-shirts and shorts to sweatshirts and joggers pass soccer balls back and forth as they wait for their remaining teammates to show up.

Head coach Lisa Grefe bounces from player to player.

She checks in with one of her leading scorers, who watches practice from her perch on a pair of crutches. She sits next to another player and walks them through exercises for shin splints. Her calm but commanding voice gathers the players into a large circle for a pre-practice pep talk.

With her players and a handful of alumni gathered around, Grefe walks through the day’s plan.

And, in the process, she reminds the team that they are part of something bigger.

“North soccer,” Grefe expressed, “is building into something really special.”

Des Moines North girls soccer doesn’t measure success with wins and losses

The pinnacle of North’s growth occurred last season.

North put together a 10-5 record in 2023, the new mark for the most wins in a single season by the program.

It marked an evident turnaround from the season before, when the Polar Bears won only one game and lost over a dozen – and presented a remarkable moment of celebration for a program that lost 67 straight games between April 2012 and April 2017.

Ten wins.

The most in program history.

Sure, the loss to Mason City in the regional semifinal – one that brought an end to the historic season – stung. But it didn’t take away the pride felt by the Polar Bears’ players and coaches.

“It meant a lot,” senior midfielder Hanna Gaya said. “When we won those games, it felt good. It kept me going. But it’s not always about winning. We will push through no matter how many games we lose.”

Winning is important in sports.

But, at least for Grefe and her staff, it isn’t everything.

When Grefe took over at North in 2016, the school could barely field a team. There were multiple factors limiting the roster size.

Des Moines North boasts one of the most diverse student populations in the metro, and several of the players on the Polar Bears’ roster come from backgrounds that, culturally, don’t place much emphasis on the importance of women’s sports.

Many of the athletes that came through Grefe’s program – and even some girls still on the current roster – didn't play competitive soccer until they got to North.

“I’ve had girls not want to play because girls don’t play sports and culturally, that’s something we hear,” Grefe said. “So, they’re the first one to play sports, or sometimes their parents maybe didn’t want them to do it. It’s scary breaking these barriers.”

There is also the losing issue.

It’s difficult to get players to stick with a team that doesn’t see much success on the field. Several players shared there were times when they considered quitting.

But they didn’t leave.

In fact, the roster continued to grow.

“I remember the team started out really low (in numbers) my first years,” senior captain Pleyiwon Forfor said, with a smile that never leaves her face when discussing her team.

“Just to see the number of girls wanting to be a part of this community and getting to play a sport they love is amazing. I hope that it continues to go from here on out and more as I leave, knowing that more kids will see what North soccer is about.”

So – outside of the wins and losses – what is North soccer about?

Well, it goes back to Grefe and how she made a roster feel more like a family.

Family means something at Des Moines North

Family.

That word came up a lot during the Des Moines Register’s interviews with eight current and former North players.

Gaya credited the friends she made through Polar Bears soccer with pushing her to keep playing soccer at North.

Forfor understood that her teammates’ criticism comes from a place of love and a shared desire to get better.

Adar Mangok focused on the fun she and her teammates have together, and how they encouraged her to believe in herself and this team.

Lizbeth Gonzalez found her teammates never give up on each other and won’t walk away from a game without giving it their all.

“One of (assistant coach) Rob (Soard)’s sayings, ‘Win, lose, tie, it’s all great,’” Gonzalez said. “At the end of the day, yeah winning is amazing, but it’s all about the family aspect. I come back because I know that these girls are my family.”

Dayana Espinoza reminisced about how much she learned from her teammates: Trying new foods, listening to new songs, admiring different contributions to the team.

December Paw felt nothing but love from the seniors on the roster, who brought her into the fold with open arms and supported her after being sidelined by an injury.

“It’s all the little stuff we do,” Paw shared. “We fight and get better together. We never give up on each other.”

North players support one another on the field.

In late March – after winning their first game of the season – the Polar Bears players and coaches delayed the return bus trip to gather around Forfor. The North senior received an email from her top college choice, a school she didn’t want to name during the Register’s interview in April.

She couldn’t get past the first congratulatory sentence of the message before her teammates screamed and jumped up and down at the news. Gonzalez enveloped Forfor in a hug and exclaimed, “I’m so proud of you.”

Forfor’s joy became the team’s joy.

That bond extends beyond the pitch, too.

Senior defender Nadia Powell takes classes through the Des Moines Public Schools’ Central Campus. She doesn’t take any in-person classes at North, which means, that without soccer, Powell never would’ve met the friends turned family on the soccer team.

“I would have never seen these girls on a daily basis,” Powell said. “I don’t take classes at North, so that’s a huge wall between me and the girls. Being able to see them every day for soccer helped me make those connections.”

Lisa Grefe remains at the center of North’s growth

One alumna at North’s practice is Alyssa Manriquez.

She graduated in 2021 and is currently a freshman on Grandview’s junior varsity squad.

Manriquez spoke with nothing but pride about her high school coach and mentor.

“There were a lot of downs, for sure,” Manriquez laughed speaking with sincerity. “Barely any ups. Coach Lisa was my inspiration, why I’m here today. Many coaches aren’t like Lisa.”

This is what Manriquez means: Grefe treats every player with compassion, respect and dignity, regardless of their skill level. North’s head coach is a wife and mother, and she still finds a way to treat each player like a member of her own family.

Grefe is not quick to pat herself on the back.

That’s probably because she is just doing what she knows the players need to succeed – on the field and in life.

She wants her players to graduate high school. She wants to see them continue their soccer careers in college. She wants former players like Manriquez to stay in the sport as coaches.

She wants soccer to be a safe space.

“There’s so much opportunity on the girls side to build a program that is really safe, welcoming and open, that they’re going to want to come out for,” Grefe said. “I wanted to do that at North.”

So sure, that 10-win, history-making season was a high point.

But it’s more important to Grefe that she is helping develop leaders in the community and that she is helping girls find joy and passion in the game. She’s given the girls an opportunity to shine in sports.

And she plans to expand those opportunities, so more girls on Des Moines’ northwest side have the chance to play soccer sooner. It’s an ‘if you build it, they will come’ mentality that Grefe hopes will attract more girls to the sport that shaped her life.

“If you create a space that’s welcome and safe, and you get them excited, and it’s fun, girls will come.”

Alyssa Hertel is the college sports recruiting reporter for the Des Moines Register. Contact Alyssa at ahertel@dmreg.com or on Twitter @AlyssaHertel.

This article originally appeared on Des Moines Register: Iowa soccer: Des Moines North girls program puts family first