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Future News: Tottenham declare that it would be nice if Real Madrid just gave Gareth Bale back to them

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Spurs have announced that they're not asking for Real Madrid to give them back Gareth Bale, but if the Spanish giants decide to do it on their own, it would be very, very nice of them. This comes after Bale scored the winning goal against Barcelona in the Copa del Rey final in dramatic fashion, while Tottenham hope to retain sixth place in the Premier League.

"We're not proposing that Real Madrid return Gareth to us in exchange for their money back because we've already spent all of the money on seven lottery tickets," Spurs chairman Daniel Levy mumbled to himself while eating his breakfast this morning. "So that's out. But if Real Madrid would like to just give Gareth Bale back to us as a gift, it would be impolite to refuse. And we certainly wouldn't want to be rude to such a kind, generous, understanding and dare I say handsome club."

Spurs have regressed this season without the star who scored seven match-winning goals for them last year. The seven players brought in last summer with the money raised from the record sale haven't managed to make up for the loss of Bale, perhaps giving the club a twinge of seller's remorse.

"Real Madrid have Gareth Bale and Cristiano Ronaldo and now that their embarrassment of riches has brought them one more trophy than we've won in the last six years, clearly they no longer have need or use for both," Levy continued, covering his mouth so his wife wouldn't notice. "Surely they could get a sizable tax credit for the charitable donation of Gareth Bale back to us. And for the record, we wouldn't be opposed to taking Cristiano Ronaldo off their hands instead if that's what they prefer. We'll even settle for Luka Modric. We're very flexible."

When reached for comment, Real Madrid president Florentio Perez responded: "No."

Levy remains hopeful that Perez meant no, he wouldn't comment instead of no, he wouldn't return Gareth Bale.

This has been Future News: new from the future.

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Brooks Peck is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter!

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