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Improved slogans for every 2014 World Cup team

Dirty Tackle
(FIFA)

FIFA has announced the winning slogans that will appear on the buses for each of the 32 teams at the World Cup in Brazil. As you might expect from a competition with a corporate tie-in, they are underwhelming at best and bad enough to hope the players walk to every game at worst. So, we've compiled a list of alternatives that the participating nations will hopefully keep in their hearts.

ALGERIA

Real slogan: "Desert warriors in Brazil."

Alternative slogan: "You think it's hot here? That's cute..."

ARGENTINA

Real slogan: "Not just a team, we are a country."

Alternative: "We're here to pee in your punch bowl, Brazil."

AUSTRALIA

Real slogan: "Socceroos: hopping our way into history!"

Alternative: "Socceroos: Hopefully our cutesy nickname lulls you into a false sense of confidence so we can maybe take a point."

BELGIUM

Real slogan: "Expect the impossible!"

Alternative: "Yep, he plays for us too."

BOSNIA AND HERZEGOVINA

Real slogan: "Dragons in our heart, dragons on the field"

Alternative: "We've got more dragons than Game of F***ing Thrones!"

BRAZIL

Real slogan: "Brace yourselves! The 6th is coming!"

Alternative: "If we lose, you all have exactly 10 minutes to leave."

CAMEROON

Real slogan: "A lion remains a lion."

Alternative: "Can a lion ever not be a lion? What if it's a zebra? Think about that."

CHILE

Real slogan: "Chi chi chi! Le le le! Go Chile."

Alternative: The slogan above cannot be improved.

COLOMBIA

Real slogan: "Here travels a nation, not just a team!"

Alternative: "Sofia Vergara."

COSTA RICA

Real slogan: "My passion is football, my strength is my people, my pride is Costa Rica."

Alternative: "This bus can talk. Repent."

IVORY COAST

Real slogan: "Elephants charging towards Brazil!"

Alternative: "Didier Drogba is here to bring peace and score goals. And peace can wait."

CROATIA

Real slogan: "With fire in our hearts, for Croatia all as one!"

Alternative: "You can play chess on our shirts!"

ECUADOR

Real slogan: "One commitment, one passion, only one heart, this is for you Ecuador!"

Alternative: "We qualified ahead of Uruguay!"

ENGLAND

Real slogan: "The dream of one team, the heartbeat of millions!!"

Alternative: "We don't expect to win, but someone is getting sacked if we don't."

FRANCE

Real slogan: "Impossible is not a French word."

Alternative: "Thank God Raymond Domenech isn't here."

GERMANY

Real slogan: "One nation, one team, one dream!"

Alternative: "We didn't bring Mario Gomez, but we will always have his song." (bus plays Mario Gomez song like an ice cream van)

GHANA

Real slogan: "Black stars: here to illuminate Brazil."

Alternative: "Black stars: causing the USA's nightmares since 2006."

GREECE

Real slogan: "Heroes play like Greeks."

Alternative: "Greeks play like buses. Hero buses."

HONDURAS

Real slogan: "We are one country, one nation, five stars on the heart."

Alternative: "Five stars on the heart, five toes up your backside!"

IRAN

Real slogan: "Honor of Persia."

Alternative: "We had nothing to do with that terrible Jake Gyllenhaal film."

ITALY

Real slogan: "Let's paint the FIFA World Cup dream blue."

Alternative: "GAZE UPON ANDREA PIRLO AND LET THE JEALOUSY WASH OVER YOU."

JAPAN

Real slogan: "Samurai, the time has come to fight!"

Alternative: This cannot be improved. If the World Cup was awarded to the team with the best slogan, they would just send Japan the trophy now.

SOUTH KOREA

Real slogan: "Enjoy it, Reds!"

Alternative: "Gangnam Style: now you have it stuck in your head and the world is putty in our hands! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

MEXICO

Real slogan: "Always united, always Aztecas."

Alternative: "Gracias, Graham Zusi! Gracias so much!"

Netherlands

Real slogan: "Real men wear orange."

Alternative: "Just to be clear: Louis van Gaal would really, really, really love to be Manchester United's next manager. All Man United offers can be submitted to his personal email address: BetterThanMoyes69@hotmail.nl. He will accept any terms immediately."

NIGERIA

Real slogan: "Only together we can win."

Alternative: "'The only thing better than an eagle is a Super Eagle.' — A scientist."

PORTUGAL

Real slogan: "The past is history, the future is victory."

Alternative: "Ronaldo is brilliant, Pepe is kill."

RUSSIA

Real slogan: "No one can catch us."

Alternative: No words, just this picture of Andrei Arshavin...

SPAIN

Real slogan: Inside our hearts, the passion of a champion."

Alternative: "Xavi is always judging you. He knows about those websites you look at."

SWITZERLAND

Real slogan: "Final stop: 07-13-14 Maracana!"

Alternative: "Honestly, we don't know how we're ranked 8th in the world either."

URUGUAY

Real slogan: "Three million dreams...let's go Uruguay."

Alternative: "1950 LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL"

USA

Real slogan: "United by team, driven by passion."

Alternative: "Now 75% more German!"

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Brooks Peck

is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter!