David Ortiz murders tennis balls in new commercial
David Ortiz is now officially retired, no longer the big slugger for the Boston Red Sox. If he took a post-baseball job, what do you think it would be? Commentator? Motivational speaker? Coach?
There’s another option! Big Papi did a commercial for TurboTax, released on Sunday, and he’s taken on a very appropriate new career.
David Ortiz teaching tennis at a country club is both hilarious and terrifying. Who wouldn’t want to learn tennis from Big Papi? (Related: who wouldn’t want to learn pretty much anything from Big Papi?!) And especially since he’s teaching his students to whack the ball so it travels at the speed of light. That seems like a skill that would come in handy.
But as the commercial illustrates, a tennis ball traveling at that speed is also TERRIFYING. First he hits the ball into the windshield of his student’s car, completely ruining it. Then he hits a ball into the head of a statue, which breaks off and lands on a grill at country club, causing a huge fire which spreads to the fabric umbrellas. (Remember, these are tennis balls and not baseballs. That’s how powerful Big Papi’s overhand his.) And apparently, one of his tennis ball projectiles landed in a red velvet wedding cake, giving the bride and her white dress a red velvet cake shower. Yeah, those stains aren’t coming out.
And while he uses his phone to ask a tax question, you can hear sirens in the background, apparently responding to the havoc that those tennis balls have wreaked on the surrounding area. This seems unsafe. I don’t think this country club should employ him anymore, it’s gotta be really terrible for their insurance. And their reputation. And their grounds not catching on fire.
But in case you’re wondering, Big Papi’s got one fine racket flip.
Never change, Big Papi.
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Liz Roscher is a writer for Big League Stew on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email her at lizroscher@yahoo.com or follow her on twitter! Follow @lizroscher
