France to have their World Cup hotel on lockdown with security guards following the maids as they work

France's primary mission at this World Cup is a simple one: don't have an embarrassing nuclear meltdown. The 2010 team's infighting, training session walkout and group-stage implosion will hang heavy over the current squad in Brazil, but the French federation is taking steps to try and ensure no outside drama gets to their temperamental players (aside from manager Didier Deschamps suing Samir Nasri's girlfriend over a Twitter beef).

According to Globo, very strict arrangements have been made at Hotel JP — France's base camp for the tournament in Ribeirao Preto. All hotel staff will be required to turn their phones off while at work and France's "imported" security guards will follow the maids as they clean rooms to avoid thefts like the one that happened to Spain at last summer's Confederations Cup.

Globo also says that bartenders will not be allowed to serve the players anything — food or drink, alcoholic or otherwise — without approval from a member of the French federation.

The primary concern of the French media isn't the hotel itself, though — it's the brothel less than half a mile down the road. Surely they would serve the players whatever they want there.

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Brooks Peck is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter! Follow @BrooksDT