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Dirty Tackle

If it continued… (Man United v Man City)

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

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The near certainty of Manchester United strolling to yet another Premier League title thanks to their cushy lead over reigning champions Man City took a bit of air out of the latest Manchester derby. But this rivalry is about more than silverware and for one of the few times this season, City played up to potential so they could snag a second win at Old Trafford in as many seasons. The 2-1 win for City only reduced Man United's lead to a still formidable 12 points in the table, but in the interest of keeping ourselves entertained with the current lack of title raciness, we are obliged to ask, "What if it continued?"

97' -- Fresh off the start of his court-ordered 250 hours of community service for driving without insurance while disqualified, Carlos Tevez attempts to kill two birds with one stone by serving as a steward after being subbed off for Javi Garcia. He is unhelpful when a tourist in a friendship scarf asks where the nearest toilet is.

101' -- Aleksandar Kolarov still has not blinked since kick off.

109' -- Arsene Wenger texts Robin van Persie to remind him that he hasn't scored in two months. Van Persie texts back to remind Wenger that he still has more goals than Olivier Giroud, Lukas Podolski, Marouane Chamakh and Nicklas Bendtner combined. Wenger then asks, "texting while playing isn't very professional." Van Persie replies with a picture of the Premier League trophy. Wenger replies with a picture of Van Persie's mother.

114' -- Referee Mike Dean tells Pablo Zabaleta exactly how many minutes City have left as Premier League champions.

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118' -- Chicharito remains far too polite to slap Sir Alex Ferguson in the face with a sack of peas and say, "Danny Welbeck has one goal in 24 appearances and I have eight in 16. You should be starting me you [Spanish curse words]!"

120' -- Ryan Giggs tells Gareth Barry to take his skateboard and his "drip-drop music" and get off his lawn.

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125' -- Nani checks to see if any job search websites have listings for clubs in search of footballers. He ends up watching YouTube videos about the Illuminati instead.

128' -- Phil Jones makes a face like he just saw inside the Ark of the Covenant.

133' -- Roberto Mancini momentarily forgets what a disappointment this season has been for his side and smiles.

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138' -- The match is abandoned when all the Man United fans pretend they don't care about the result by telling everyone that they don't care about the result and all the Man City fans celebrate like this was the only day of the season and Carlos Tevez refuses to wait any longer before he cleans up the pitch.

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