Whitley's Believe It Or Not: Every sports team should be a little more like Tottenham Hotspur
If you’re disenchanted with your favorite team and looking for a new one to love, allow me to recommend Tottenham Hotspur.
To which most of you will respond, “Totten-what?”
I must confess that I’m not totally sure what a “Tottenham Hotspur” is. That’s because, like all good Americans, I’ve spent the past four months slavishly reading Mel Kiper Jr.’s hourly mock draft updates.
Then came the news last week that players on a British soccer club that competes in the Premier League had ventured into taboo business territory. Tottenham’s lads were so embarrassed after losing to Newcastle United, 6-1, they offered ticket refunds to disgruntled fans.
Granted, only 3,000 fans made the trip to Newcastle and paid $37 to get in. The total bill came to $113,000, which is about what you’ll pay for two Taylor Swift tickets.
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And Tottenham Hotspur’s payroll is $135 million, so it’s not as if the players had to dip into their 401k plans to foot the bill. But still, it was a shocking economic development.
The mere thought of refunding tickets after a bad game would trigger grand mal seizures in every Major League clubhouse. Imagine if the Gators had done that the past few years against Georgia?
Good Lord, what if Cornelius Vanderbilt had offered satisfaction-guaranteed football tickets when he started his university in 1873? Vandy would have had to declare bankruptcy shortly after World War II.
Cynics on social media said the Hotspurs’ refund was just an empty PR gesture. I don’t care if it was. No other team has even faked being so contrite, much less backed it up with a few quid.
So if you’re tired of having your team allegiance taken for granted, consider throwing in with Tottenham Hotspur, whatever it is. …
Stud of the Week: Corporal Sam Hammond of the Royal Marines. He set a Guinness World Record by running the London Marathon in 4 hours and 56 minutes - with a refrigerator on his back.
NFL Draft gurus don't always get it right
Duds of the Week: ESPN draft gurus Mel Kiper Jr. and Todd McShay, who both predicted the Colts would draft Will Levis instead of Anthony Richardson with the fourth pick. At last report, Levis was still in the Green Room hoping for his name to be called by the Memphis Showboats.
Dud II: The ESPN Analytics Dept., which said there was a 0.1% chance Levis would not be drafted in the first round. Whoever made that prediction should be sentenced to six months in a Green Room listening to Stephen A. Smith. …
Congrats to Talor Gooch for winning his second straight LIV tournament, meaning he’s pocketed $8 million in the past two weeks. Jack Nicklaus made $5.7 million in 595 career starts. But it should be noted that golf balls were a lot cheaper in his day. …
Breaking news: Inspired by Tottenham Hotspur, the Dolphins have announced they will offer ticket refunds this year if they lose to Newcastle United …
Nickname Update: We reported last week that the New York Board of Regents banned Native American mascots and team names in public schools. Not to be outdone, “Minutemen” has come under fire. Concord High in California (of course) is considering replacing the name or making it more inclusive. Among the suggestions: removing the mascot’s musket or calling them “Minutepeople.”
In related news, U.S. History courses will now teach that British troops surrendered at Bunker Hill after colonial militia overwhelmed them with a barrage of improper pronouns. …
ESPN Analytics says there's a 99.9% chance a guy carrying a refrigerator will win the 2024 Olympic Marathon. ...
R.I.P. to Jerry Springer, who died last week at age 79. Among his greatest shows: “I Married a Horse,” starring an “interspecies” groom, “I Slept With 251 Men in 10 Hours,” starring someone you don’t want to marry, and “I’m A Massage Addict With a $230 Million Contract,” starring Deshaun Watson. …
It must be the shoes
Kevin Durant joined Michael Jordan and LeBron James last week as the only athletes to get lifetime contracts with Nike. Besides providing free sneakers, Nike will transfer a dozen Uyghur slaves from China to Phoenix to tend to Durant’s lawn. …
This Just In: Will Levis has been drafted by the Connecticut Sun. …
Texas coach Steve Sarkisian said last week that prized recruit Arch Manning did not take any NIL money when he committed to the Longhorns. Good for Arch, but that would be a lot more remarkable if his family wasn’t a billion-dollar football industry. …
Prediction: Despite pressure from the U.S. Department of Justice, Jerry Jones will never change the name of his team to the Dallas Cowpeople. …
That’s about all the space we have for this week’s Whitley’s Believe It or Not. Alas, it was not a satisfaction-guaranteed column. So if you married a horse and want a refund, too bad.
David Whitley is The Gainesville Sun's sports columnist. Contact him at dwhitley@gannett.com. Follow him on Twitter @DavidEWhitley
This article originally appeared on The Gainesville Sun: Premier League's Tottenham Hotspur shows sports world how to handle defeat
