No real theme this week. Unless you consider no theme a theme.
The rankings (records through Wednesday’s games):
1. Los Angeles Dodgers (85-34; Previous: 1): Dodgers will take rest of regular season for some “me time.”
2. Houston Astros (74-46; Previous: 2): Had they known it would go like this they would’ve sprung for the rear-view camera option.
3. Washington Nationals (71-47; Previous: 3): Max Scherzer, noted crooner, sometimes goes by Ol’ Blue Eye.
4. Boston Red Sox (69-51; Previous: 8): Red Sox holding Pablo Sandoval’s cleaning deposit until he comes and gets all those right-handed at-bats.
5. Cleveland Indians (65-52; Previous: 6): Jay Bruce sort of considers himself Brohio’s guest.
6. Arizona Diamondbacks (66-54; Previous: 5): America’s First Baseman leads league in – hi, 2017 — WAR.
7. Colorado Rockies (67-53; Previous: 9): NL wild card game could come down to home humidor advantage.
8. Chicago Cubs (63-56; Previous: 7): Cubs dress as biker gang, call themselves Unearned Runs of Anarchy.
9. New York Yankees (64-55; Previous: 5): Aaron Judge has huge first half, makes tactical decision in second to rest his starters.
10. Milwaukee Brewers (63-59; Previous: 11): Brewers strike out a ton, try to offset it by acquiring a Walker.
11. St. Louis Cardinals (61-59; Previous: 14): Under newly adopted terminology Cards’ offense is technically not “getting hot,” but experiencing “batter’s box extremes.”
12. Los Angeles Angels (62-59; Previous: 18): They are frankly a little surprised themselves.
13. Minnesota Twins (59-58; Previous: 17): They’ve been counted out so often boxing commission is looking into concussion symptoms.
14. Kansas City Royals (61-59; Previous: 10): Twice Whit Merrifield has been a hit shy of a cycle or, as it could be known in KC, a Merri-go-round.
15. Seattle Mariners (61-61; Previous: 12): In executive of the year circles, Dipoto’s regarded as a compiler.
16. Texas Rangers (59-60; Previous: 20): Well, it hasn’t been much of a season but on the other hand it’s been really really hot.
17. Pittsburgh Pirates (58-62; Previous: 16): In what’s become a crazy world, all in all, it’s really not so bad to be a Pirate.
18. Tampa Bay Rays (60-62; Previous: 13): Offense so flat the fish in the outfield tank can see over it.
19. Baltimore Orioles (59-62; Previous: 15): O’s, who have stolen a league-low 25 bases, think of walking leads as “wow, you do you, man.”
20. Miami Marlins (58-61; Previous: 19): If it’s Players Weekend, can only mean potluck at Jeter’s.
21. Toronto Blue Jays (58-62; Previous: 23): You know, with all those people who promised to come over the border seven months ago, you’d think one of them could give the Jays some innings out of the ‘pen.
22. San Diego Padres (54-66; Previous: 25): On Players Weekend all San Diego guys will go by “Dude.”
23. New York Mets (53-65; Previous: 21): Game of Throneberry. Yeah, winter is here all right.
24. Atlanta Braves (53-65; Previous: 22): Maddux, Smoltz and Glavine ain’t walking through that door. Maybe three inches off the door though.
25. Detroit Tigers (53-67; Previous: 24): Locals a little concerned what a salary dump might mean for the river.
26. Oakland Athletics (53-68; Previous: 26): You call it a trade deadline, they call it a Doomsday Preparation Strategy.
27. Cincinnati Reds (50-71; Previous: 27): You know, with just a little more pitching … they’d need just a little more pitching.
28. San Francisco Giants (48-74; Previous: 30): Bochy asks umpires to call New York in order to challenge past 4 1/2 months.
29. Chicago White Sox (45-72; Previous: 28): Lead AL teams in sacrifice bunts. 2017 highlight film writes itself.
30. Philadelphia Phillies (43-75; Previous: 29): On the bright side, they have yet to commit catcher’s interference. Baby steps.
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