Maybe there’s something in the water in Cleveland. Maybe Cavaliers guards get a little too comfortable on the set of Road Trippin’. Maybe they’re trolling us. Whatever the reason, Jordan Clarkson joined his predecessor Kyrie Irving in spewing some wild conspiracy theories on the podcast launched by former Cavs teammates Richard Jefferson and Channing Frye and Fox Sports Ohio reporter Allie Clifton.
Here’s the gist of what Clarkson believes, or said he believes: Dinosaurs were just pets of prehistoric people three times the size of said dinosaurs. In other words, since dinosaur fossils have been measured as tall as 39 feet and projected much taller, Clarkson thinks there were 100-foot humans.
Giants, then. Jordan Clarkson believes in actual giants. As one does.
How did we get here? Well, Clifton was interviewing Clarkson and Larry Nance Jr. with cohost Randy Mims (a.k.a DJ Montage, a.k.a. LeBron James’ friend and business partner, a.k.a. an executive administrator for the Cavaliers) when she revealed that Mims didn’t believe in a) Elvis or b) dinosaurs.
“Hold on,” said Nance. “How don’t you believe in Elvis?”
“I don’t believe in dinosaurs, either, though,” said Clarkson. “Well, no, I actually do.”
“What?” said Nance, again with the good questions.
“This is going to get a little crazy, all right,” said Clarkson, “so I’m going to take y’all a little left on this. Y’all know how we got dogs and stuff, right? So, I think there were bigger people in the world before us, and the dinosaurs were their pets.”
“So, how big were these people?” said Mims.
“Well, you look at a dinosaur,” said Clarkson, “they’ve got to be three times bigger than them.”
Mims, who does not believe in dinosaurs, wanted to know why there are no giant human bones — either. You see, the crux of his argument against the existence of dinosaurs is that he did not find any pterodactyls in Bath, Ohio, or any saber-toothed tiger bones in Croghan Park. “I didn’t find a triceratops in Kentucky,” said Mims. “They’re all somewhere in Arizona — they’re all at Jurassic Park.”
“Why don’t we have grizzly bears in Ohio?” said Nance, the David Frost of this interview.
This is where Mims revealed, “I actually believe Elvis was a person, but he was more of a character.”
So, yeah, the Road Trippin’ podcast gets weird. Real weird. Cue Clarkson again.
“I do believe in dinosaurs,” the newly acquired Cavs guard said. “They were just pets of bigger people.”
Clarkson didn’t stop there. “I believe in aliens,” he added. “I don’t think they’re aliens. They’re just people. They’re just looking for s—, I mean stuff.” And then he went all in: “I don’t believe when they went to the moon. I think that was recorded in a studio in Hollywood. First, the flag was moving. It was waving. So, they’re going to make the wind? They just needed something to believe in back then.”
And does Clarkson believe in mermaids? “There is so much stuff in the sea that we’ve never seen before. … [The dinosaurs] are probably down there just chilling,” he said. “Some of them could be down all the way at the bottom, just chilling, asleep or something, waiting for their time to come out.”
“What did you study in college?” asked Clifton.
“Um,” said Clarkson, “general studies.”
And … scene.
The Cavs have struggled to replace Irving, but at least in Clarkson they’ve found a kindred spirit. You may recall Irving revealed on Road Trippin’ last February that he believes the moon landing was faked.
Now is a good time to remind everyone that the folks at “Mythbusters” proved the motion of the flag on the moon came from Buzz Aldrin twisting and turning it into the surface with no air resistance.
This has been your important NBA news of the day.
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