Premier League champions Manchester City are in the midst of their preseason tour of China, where they are launching a sudden buying spree after remembering that they have an inordinate amount of money that they haven't been spending.
With July drawing to a close, Man City remain the only Premier League club who have not brought in a single new player since the end of last season. A fact that has finally been realized by the league's richest club.
"This year will not be easy," said manager Roberto Mancini. "It will be harder than last year and for this reason, we need to improve our team. But I am not the man in charge of this."
When reached for comment, the man who is in control of the club's signings, football administration officer Brian Marwood, replied, "You would think that you would get tired of driving in circles around Old Trafford with the Premier League trophy tied to the roof and Queen's 'Fat Bottomed Girls' blaring through the radio on repeat, but you don't...you don't. Anyway, they tightened security there with the Olympics so now I'm focused on spending this money, which has just been piling up in our offices for some time now. I need to use a shovel to get to my desk in the morning."
And it didn't take long for City to put that money to use and make waves in the transfer market.
"Owen Hargreaves was released and Wayne Bridge was sent out on loan to Brighton & Hove, so clearly we have gaping holes in our roster that must be filled if we want to retain the title," said Mancini. "To rectify this oversight, within the last hour we have bought Dimitar Berbatov, Andy Carroll, the other half of Arsenal's squad that we didn't already have and all of Alex Ferguson's grandchildren. Oh, and Jackie Chan. Just in case Nigel De Jong ends up leaving too. We're not done yet, but it's a start."