Jason Chimera spears Bruins’ Marchand in a very uncomfortable place (VIDEO)

Brad Marchand is one of those irritating players. Brian Burke might call him a rat. He's the sort of guy that can drive a man to do things he might not otherwise do, such as, say, spear Brad Marchand in the groin with the blade of his stick.

That's what Washington Capitals forward Jason Chimera did. For this, he was inexplicably given a two-minute penalty for slashing. There is, I remind you, NHL officials, a spearing rule, and this could be an instructional video on an instance in which to call it:

Here's how it went down:

Ouch. Right in the Li'l Champion.

Seriously, the only thing this clip is missing is that "spring" sound effect that Hans Moleman is so fond of, followed by Homer Simpson laughing and awarding it first prize at a film festival.

But don't weep for Marchand. The man was absolutely committed to drawing penalties in this game, so I'm sure he found this spear just as satisfying as Chimera did. Plus the Bruins won, so he took one for the boys, both literally and figuratively.

Follow Harrison Mooney on Twitter at @HarrisonMooney