Big Ten football Misery Index: It's time for Michigan football, OSU to play the CFP feud

Yawn.

What an utterly predictable Saturday of Big Ten football.

Start with Michigan football’s demolishing of Michigan State, which … yeah.

And of course, with Sean McDonough back in the Big House for ABC’s likely final night game at Michigan Stadium, there had to be “trouble with the snap” one final time.

(We here at the Big Ten Misery Index don’t make the rules. It’s like The Undertaker showing up at Wrestlemania every year — McDonough’s music starts playing and snaps go awry.)

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Did we anticipate MSU backup long-snapper Michael Donovan launching a pair of snaps over punter Bryce Baringer’s head (if not entirely out of reach)? Not really, but that’s the way sequels go — bigger and better, we suppose.

And, OK, we didn’t exactly see a postgame brawl in the newly christened Lloyd Carr Tunnel coming. Then again, we’ve watched the various videos of the tussle enough times that we think one of the reporters spliced in a clip of that “Surrender Cobra” kid, and we’ve still not entirely sure just how many players were involved. The Spartans suspended four players late Sunday night and, well, it’s not the first time Carr and four losses have come up in the same breath.

But that’s in the past (especially since this week’s Misery Index is a day late), and this week brings another mostly predictable event: The weekly College Football Playoff rankings, airing at 7 p.m. on ESPN. It’s sure to bring a special kind of misery as at least three and as many as six national fanbases moan about the lack of respect in rankings that, uh, won’t likely match the final results.

Just for reference: Last year’s initial rankings had Georgia at No. 1 (pretty good!), Alabama at No. 2 (tough to argue with!), Michigan State at No. 3 (uhhh…), Oregon at No. 4 (this might have been just to get free Nike gear) ... and Michigan at No. 7.

And this year, we’re likely to get Georgia at No. 1 (duh), Tennessee at No. 2 (they beat Nick Saban, so it’s the law) and then … Ohio State? Michigan? Clemson? TCU? 'Bama? The top squads will definitely plead their case (and, hey, Michigan AD Warde Manuel is on the committee!), with a touch of …

Ohio State: We’ve scored at least 44 points against every team not from Indiana! And we’re not even at full strength!

Clemson: We did NOT lose to Syracuse!

Michigan: OK, Buckeyes, but you gave up 20 points to MSU, 21 to Toledo and 31 to Penn State. And you only rushed for 98 yards against the Nittany Lions. We put up 418 yards against them.

TCU: Uh, four wins over top-25 teams over here!

Ohio State: Whatever, Wolverines, but you only passed for 167 yards against MSU. C.J. Stroud had that many before the folks at Spartan Stadium made it to their seats.

Alabama: We'll see y'all in December.

And on it goes …

Of course, if you really wanted to, you could make at least a top-25 CFP case for some unlikely Big Ten squads — remember, a 5-3 Wisconsin came in at No. 21 to start the rankings last year — such as …

Illinois: Hey, we’re 4-0 in the Big Ten West, with just four touchdowns allowed in division play! (Please don’t ask about Indiana.)

Indiana: We're not actually good, but nobody else in the Big Ten, East or West, has Michigan, Ohio State, Penn State AND Illinois on their schedule! (Please don’t ask about Nebraska. Or Rutgers. Is it basketball season yet?)

Iowa: Look, we can score touchdowns!*

*Offer subject to rules and regulations; see Kirk Ferentz for details.

But while we try to hammer out Northwestern’s CFP case — “Undefeated in Europe” doesn’t carry the cachet it once did — let’s run through the Big Ten misery index, from least miserable to most in Week 9:

MITCH ALBOM:Michigan's win over MSU marred by violence in Big House tunnel

14. Minnesota: W, 31-0, over Rutgers

Record: 5-3, 2-3 Big Ten. Last week’s ranking: 3.

Running back Mohamed Ibrahim smashed through the Golden Gophers’ record for career rushing touchdowns with three against the Scarlet Knights (for 46 overall) and celebrated in the best way possible: A pack of Gushers on the sideline.

13. Michigan: W, 29-7, over Michigan State

Record: 8-0, 5-0. Last week: T-7.

Six drives past MSU’s 20 and just one touchdown — we’re not counting Blake Corum’s TD after the really botched punt snap and neither should you … can somebody tell Jim Harbaugh that “the red zone” isn’t an speed trap set up by That School Down South?

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12. Illinois: W, 26-9, over Nebraska

Record: 7-1, 4-1. Last week: 13.

There’s some weird science in Champaign. First, Bret Bielema cloned the Wisconsin program and now he’s doubling up on standout Browns: Not only did Chase Brown rush for 149 yards — his ninth straight game of at least 100 yards — but “twin brother” Sydney Brown had two interceptions Saturday. Can’t wait for “Wells Fargo Brown” to kick a 60-yard field goal to win the Rose Bowl.

11. Wisconsin: DNP

Record: 4-4, 2-3. Last week: 11.

The Badgers are still making plans to conduct a “national search” for their next head coach, which, we think under Wisconsin law means drinking a beer other than Miller High Life as you sign Jim Leonhard to a five-year deal.

10. Iowa: W, 33-13, over Northwestern

Record: 4-4, 2-3. Last week: 1.

You ever try to slam a Halloween costume together at the last minute using only what you’ve got in the house? The Hawkeyes wanted to go as the Buckeyes offense, with seven scores on eight possessions, but, well, all they had were three touchdowns and a bunch of leftover field goals.

9. Maryland: DNP

Record: 6-2, 3-2. Last week: 10.

Sure, the Terps’ football team was off, but the futbol team wasn’t — Maryland tied Indiana, 1-1, to claim the regular-season Big Ten men’s soccer title.

8. Ohio State: W, 44-31, over Penn State

Record: 8-4, 5-0. Last week: 9.

You know who didn’t have a problem with their backup long-snapper? The Buckeyes, who got 12 perfectly adequate snaps from Mason Arnold in his first start. But even that’s not surprising, since if there’s one thing Urban Meyer baked into the OSU program before departing, it’s a healthy respect for the kicking game.

7. Penn State: L, 44-31, to Ohio State

Record: 6-2, 3-2. Last week: 12.

With losses to the Wolverines and Buckeyes virtually ending their hopes of an East Division title — again — the Nittany Lions can now focus on their other late-October pastime: Complaining about next year’s Big Ten opener on the road.

T-5. Indiana: DNP

Record: 3-5, 1-4. Last week: 2.

Thanks to sacks, QB Connor Bazelak has a total of minus-145 yards rushing, meaning he has moved Indiana about as far back as third-string Michigan running back CJ Stokes (141 yards) has moved the Wolverines forward.

T-5. Purdue: DNP

Record: 5-3, 3-2. Last week: 4.

It’s a reunion this week for Boilermakers receiver Charlie Jones and his former squad, Iowa. So far this season, Jones has 72 catches for 840 yards; the Hawkeyes’ wide receivers room (six WRs in all) has combined for 49 catches and 535 yards.

4. Nebraska: L, 26-9, to Illinois

Record: 3-5. 2-3. Last week: 5.

Eight pass attempts in the second half for that Huskers of Corn backup QB — three to his guys for 15 yards, one to the Illini for 10; oughta be a law against calling that Purdy.

3. Rutgers: L, 31-0, to Minnesota

Record: 4-4, 1-4. Last week: 14.

Sure, they didn’t score, but punter Adam Korsak unleashed a 77-yard boomer, two yards off his personal record. The Australian has five of the Scarlet Knights’ 11 longest punts, and when you’re setting punting records at Rutgers, you’re really doing something.

2. Northwestern: L, 33-13, to Iowa

Record: 1-7, 1-4. Last week: 6.

The Wildcats’ seven-game losing streak is their longest since dropping seven straight in 2019 before eking out a 45-6 win over The University of Massachusetts in mid-November. Next up for Northwestern: Another state school — The Ohio State University. Gulp.

MITCH ALBOM:Michigan football's win over MSU marred by violence in Big House tunnel

1. Michigan State: L, 29-7, to Michigan

Record: 3-5, 1-4. Last week: T-7.

Man rushed for 177 yards, so we gotta give Blake Corum the last words: “I thought Tuck was comin'. That’s what they said this offseason, right? All them shirts? Tuck was comin'. I just saw him running.”

2022 BIG TEN MISERY INDEX

WEEK 0:Michigan puts off the pain at least till Week 3

WEEK 1:The gospel of Michigan QB requirements

WEEK 2:Michigan football, Michigan State prove savvy shoppers

WEEK 3:Dog-eat-dog games for Michigan football, MSU

WEEK 4:Paying tribute to past coaches

WEEK 5:Who's afraid of ghosts? Not Michigan football

WEEK 6:Michigan State football still working on its reinvention

WEEK 7:Michigan and MSU's Heisman contenders aren't who you think

WEEK 8:Taylor Swift sounds off on Michigan's state of rivalry

Contact Ryan Ford at rford@freepress.com. Follow him on Twitter @theford.

This article originally appeared on Detroit Free Press: Big Ten football Misery Index: Time for Michigan, OSU to play CFP feud