"House" is one of the shows in my weekly DVR rotation, and I usually try to watch it after the Monday night game. Last night, as soon as the Titans and Texans were done playing their thriller, I hit play on "House" and just like that, I'm hit with a well-executed "Mike Tomlin looks like Omar Epps" joke.

Well done, "House" writers. The Tomlin/Epps resemblance was something I first noticed on about, oh, I don't know ... January 20th, 2007 at 3:30 p.m. It had sort of faded from memory recently. They say comedy is all about the timing.

Gracias, Morning Freak Show, via With Leather.

Tennessee running back Chris Johnson broke a 52-yard touchdown run on Sunday, which is the kind of thing you can't do without excellent foot speed. That kind of speed, Gus Johnson calls "Gettin' away from the cops" speed.

As you might imagine, Gus took some criticism for the comment. Consequently, he has apologized:

"If there is a perception of racism in this analogy, it is not coming from me. People of all races have run from the law. However, to those who are offended, I apologize."

Gus is right, I guess. Have you ever seen "Cops"? There are black people, white people, Latino people, all running from the police. Unfortunately for them, it seems that very few have "Gettin' away from the cops" speed. Or shirts.

True or not, though, the issue isn't that cut and dry. I accept that Gus Johnson made the remark without ill will for anyone, but that's not the point. The point is that remarks like that one, or "He's running like he stole something" are often used in a harmful way, implying that a black man has stolen something and/or has developed his speed while evading the police. Regardless of the intent behind it, it's not something that's completely harmless to say about a fast black man.

Clouding the issue, though, is that I think the expression is used differently in some parts of the black community. One guy might say about a fast guy, "He's got speed like he's running from the cops," not implying that the guy stole something, but that, you know, cops chase black people, whether they've stolen something or not.

It's not a simple thing that I can sort out myself. Context matters. Culture matters. This particular issue will vanish soon, but we'll have to deal with about a million more like it in the future. It's not going to get any easier.

Last night's installment of the "30 for 30" series on ESPN detailed the rise and fall of everyone's favorite defunct football league, the USFL. The official title was "Small Potatoes: Who Killed the USFL?" but it might as well have been, "Donald Trump Murdered the USFL, Brutally and Without Remorse, and Then Urinated on the Corpse."

Whether or not that's true, I couldn't tell you, but Trump is certainly who this documentary blames for the league's demise. Of course, there are two sides to every story, and for the record, Trump has called the documentary "dishonest," "third-rate," and its director "a loser." It should be noted, though, that loser/filmmaker Mike Tollin seemed easily able to find a lot of people who agreed that Trump's greed and ego were the primary reasons for the USFL's death.

Regardless of blame, it was a fun hour of USFL reminiscing. I remember the league, but not a lot of specifics. I remember it existing in the spring, and I remember being happy that there was football on television. I remember that the league had some sweet logos, and I remember my Topps USFL trading cards. I remember everyone making a big deal about how Herschel Walker was going to be making a million dollars a year.

I remember that (to my young mind, anyway) it had a "big league" feel. It wasn't like watching a UFL game today, with that nagging "this is nice and all, but I get about 20 reminders every minute that this is extremely bush league" feeling. It felt like an event. People were genuinely interested in and excited about this thing.

I have no memories of any specific plays or players, though, so this documentary was nice to help paint a better picture for me. I knew that the USFL had some quality players, but I don't think I realized just how many. The NFL had use for 187 of the USFL's players after they folded, and 15 of them went to the Pro Bowl in their first year out of the USFL. That will not be happening with the UFL.

As for the documentary itself, I think its strength -- that it was so personal -- was also a bit of a weakness. It was truly an inside look at the league, and a lot of people clearly were very passionate about it. But it also felt like there was an agenda, specifically, to paint Trump as not just the bad guy as it relates to the USFL, but a bad guy in general.

And maybe that's true. Maybe Trump really did single-handedly kill something awesome that should still be alive today. It's hard to trust that, though, when the documentary was so heavy-handed about making sure that viewers knew Trump was the villain.

I bet when Braylon Edwards(notes) woke up this morning, he had no inkling that today he would be 1) the newest member of the New York Jets, and 2) one of the hottest trending topics on Twitter.

He's both, though. For some reason, the users of Twitter have decided to pile on Braylon, speculating about all of the worthless things for which he might have been traded. Why this happened, I have no idea, but the Twitter users of the world seem to really, really enjoy poking fun at Braylon Edwards. Here's a sampling:

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ReadBeanpie #braylongottradedfor Boardwalk and a Get out of Jail free card.

LuckyLefty927 I just got off of ESPN.com and they said #braylongottradedfor a slice of Junior's cheesecake and some Cambodian breast milk.

KenDorseyforsix #BraylonGotTradedFor Ken Dorsey's(notes) arm strength

TriLamJae #braylongottradedfor Joey Harrington(notes) and his piano

Da_Bean_Counter #braylongottradedfor a block of Government Cheese

peteyd18 So I heard #braylongottradedfor Dick Clark, to help the Ball Drop on New Years.

22MikeMo22 #braylongottradedfor a brett favre jet jersey

ItzTrizz617 #braylongottradedfor Mike Vick's PETCO Pals card

thenamesNICE #braylongottradedfor mr.perfect's chewing gum b4 a wrestling match

liniapolis #braylongottradedfor "QB Eagles" off Tecmo Super Bowl, circa 1991

nowwhy #braylongottradedfor a flobee and 7 pounds of air

ThroatChopU #braylongottradedfor a 2 yr beeper plan w/voicemail

JeffStarcher #braylongottradedfor a pair of Crocs and a Snuggie

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Personally, I think Cleveland made out pretty well with the Crocs/Snuggie package. It might not seem like much right now, but wait until Eric Mangini is on the sidelines, warm and toasty with full arm mobility, while his feet enjoy the comfort, practicality and fashion of a good pair of Crocs. Score.

You folks certainly do love your Brett Favre(notes).

Last night's Monday Night Football game between the Packers and Vikings was the most-watched program in cable history, drawing in 21.8 million viewers. That comes out to a 15.3 rating.

Perhaps even more mind-blowing? The rating in Green Bay was a 49.7. The rating in Minneapolis was 58.3. Those numbers are Super Bowl-esque.

What's it mean for you, the viewer? Well, if you think ESPN turned up the hype machine for this one, wait until you see what Fox does for the November 1st rematch at Lambeau. In the days leading up to that one, I wouldn't be surprised to see Favre guest-starring on "Fringe," single-handedly bringing down a biological terrorist group, or on "House," curing cancer with his magical stubble, and talking House into going to church every Sunday.

In related news that isn't being as widely-reported, it was also the biggest crowd we've ever had for a Monday Night live blog. Some of you were even sober.

The man puts fannies in the seats, and he glues eyes to televisions. This will not be lost on other networks.

If you missed the end of the Bills/Patriots game last night, you not only missed the conclusion of a thrilling football contest, but also a compelling little foot race between Tom Brady(notes) and Suzy Kolber.

Watch as the great Suzy goes stride for stride with a reluctant Brady, all in an effort to pry just one very non-newsworthy postgame quote out of him.

So what's the call here? Was Tom being a jerk, or was Suzy pestering him?

On one hand, I feel like if a guy doesn't want to talk, he shouldn't be made to talk. Not every football game is a fun football game, and everyone has those days at work where they just want to go home, be left alone and not say one damn word to anyone.

On the other hand, if you're Tom Brady, you're the face of the Patriots and of the NFL. That comes with certain responsibilities. Tom is rich and famous because of the attention given to him by television networks like ESPN. In return, it wouldn't kill him to cooperate when our heroine Suzy wants some meaningless little quote.

He was going to have to talk to the media at some point anyway, so why not stop and give the persistent lady 20 seconds of his precious Tom-time? If you're that attention-shy, Tom, you can always quit your job and go find work as a stock boy at a shoe store or something.

He tried ignoring her at first, and then, a couple of times, said to her, "I'm going in." Suzy persisted, though, and eventually crowbarred Tom's lips open. Most people would've probably given up.

I like Tom Brady, but I think I'm going to have to go with him being a jerk on this one. He knows Suzy, he knows her job, and he knows all he has to do is spit out some ridiculous cliché, and that would be the end of it. Why blow her off so publicly like that?

In some conference call before this weekend's Ravens vs. Chiefs game, interior designer/NFL analyst Keyshawn Johnson(notes) spoke unflatteringly about the Ravens' receiving corps. I didn't hear about it at the time, but it seems that Johnson, who was asked about the Ravens' possibly deficient receiving corps, said, "You want a bum, you pay a bum."

The Ravens receivers, carrying their belongings in a bandana tied to the end of a stick while drinking out of a bottle labeled "XXX", didn't care for it much. After the game, in which the Ravens scored 38 points and Joe Flacco(notes) threw for 300 yards, Derrick Mason(notes) went off. From Mike Freeman at CBS:

"Keyshawn Johnson is the bum, that's why he's in the analyst seat," said Mason after catching four passes for 47 yards against Kansas City. "He tried to come back to football but no one would sign him. He was never that good a player. He got lucky and signed on in Tampa Bay and won a Super Bowl because they had a great defense.

"Just look at the two people doing the criticizing, that's all I'm saying. Keyshawn was overrated and Carter is in the same boat I'm in. He doesn't have a Super Bowl ring either. He's in the analyst seat without a ring. At least I'm playing. He still wants to play but he can't anymore. We're the bums? That's why you're in the analyst seat. Just be quiet and keep dreaming you still could play."

I'm going to go ahead and score that round 10-8 for Derrick Mason.

Not that I think the Ravens receivers are great, or that anyone proved anything in a closer-than-it-looked game against Kansas City. Derrick Mason's career is beyond reproach, but are Mark Clayton(notes) and Kelley Washington(notes) above criticism? "Bum" might be a tad harsh, but it's not like those guys have spots waiting for them in Canton.

At the end of the day, I guess everyone here is only doing their job. Keyshawn and Cris Carter are paid to speak boldly, express their opinions and say provocative things. Derrick Mason, of course, has every right to speak up and defend himself and his fellow Ravens receivers. And I'm glad he did so in an amusing fashion.

After all, Keyshawn can say whatever he wants, but no one's ever said to Derrick Mason, "Listen, we will give you money if you just stay the hell away from our team."

Gracias, PFT.

Congratulations go out to John Madden, who was just named a special advisor to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. It's an unpaid position, but if Goodell's smart, the position won't be insignificant. Madden is as knowledgeable and sensible about football matters as anyone on the planet.

Here's what Madden will be doing, from Alex Weprin at Broadcasting & Cable:

In his new role, Madden will chair the Coaches Subcommittee to the Competition Committee, and will also participate in meetings with the General Managers Advisory Committee. He will also take part in a weekly call with commissioner Goodell or his selected designate to discuss issues from each week's games, and will be available for other consultation.

Through some diligent research of my own, and because I am a damn fine journalist, I've been able to uncover the first seven suggestions that Madden, through his representatives, has sent to NFL commissioner Goodell. They are as follows.

1. Traditional turduckens will be served not just at Thanksgiving, but at every game. And to ensure that Thanksgiving remains a special day in terms of meat consumption, the NFL will sponsor efforts to successfully cross-mate a turkey, a duck and a chicken, creating the world's first live, actual turducken. This turducken will be on an almost lethal cocktail of anabolic steroids and ranch dressing.

2. At their first official meeting, Coach Madden will knock a lamp off of Commissioner Goodell's desk and yell, "BOOM!" and then lightly punch Goodell in the kidneys and yell, "WHAM!" He will then chuckle and pat the commissioner on the back while the commissioner vomits blood. This is done solely for the amusement of Coach Madden.

3. Franco Harris will admit that the "Immaculate Reception" is a total lie. If he will not cooperate, Franco Harris gets John Madden's size 12 loafer up his lying behind.

4. Coach Madden's bronze Hall of Fame bust is melted down and made into a deluxe, extra-long back-scratcher, and is replaced with a bust of Coach Madden made entirely of Wisconsin cheddar cheese. Two sleeves of Ritz crackers are to be by the bust's side at all times. Madden is permitted to eat his own cheddar face whenever and as often as he chooses, and the bust must be resculpted immediately afterwards. Expect this to happen two to three times a day.

5. Brett Favre(notes) will be forced to play shirtless and oily. He cannot be tackled; only held gingerly against in a loving embrace worthy of the greatest gunslinger of our time.

6. Faith Hill must still sing that goofy Sunday Night Football song to John Madden, in person, before every Sunday night game. Tight leather clothing is necessary. For Miss Hill, that is, not Coach Madden. It would also be nice if she left behind a life-size cheddar cheese statue of herself, but it's not necessary.

7. The Raiders franchise is either disbanded or given a "do over" on every draft pick or personnel move they've made over the last five years. At this point, his association with the Raiders has become a source of embarrassment for Coach Madden.

The saga continues, and thankfully, Chad Ochocinco's dream of tweeting during games remains alive.

To recap: Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco(notes) announced, once upon a time, that he planned to use Twitter during games.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell put the kibosh on Chad's game-tweeting idea when he wrote new rules concerning NFL players and Twitter. The rules indicated that players wouldn't be allowed to tweet 90 minutes before games, during games, or until all postgame media interviews are finished.

Also -- and this was key for Chad -- he ruled that NFL players couldn't have representatives tweeting on their behalf during those times, either. Chad had previously announced plans to pick one fan to fly to every game, work out hand signals with that fan, and have that fan do his tweeting for him. Goodell effectively murdered that plan.

So Chad gave up the dream, and he even went so far as to quit tweeting. He hasn't tweeted since Sept. 4. That's probably why your life has felt so empty over the last five days.

A new plan, however, is alive and well. From Joe Kay of the AP:

The flamboyant receiver promised something new for the Cincinnati Bengals opener Sunday against the Denver Broncos at Paul Brown Stadium. What exactly? He won’t say.

[...]

Ochocinco said on Wednesday that he has read the NFL’s restrictions and has discovered loopholes. Until last week, he had been one of the most frequent tweeters among NFL players.

Say what you want about Chad Ochocinco, but when he gets an idea in his head, he's at least dedicated to it. He's not half-assing this Twitter thing.

And that's where I'll leave the story. I don't want to think about it, I don't want to guess at his loophole, and I don't want to know. I just want it to be as ridiculous as possible, and I'm happy to add it to the list of things to which I'm looking forward on Sunday.

Twitter lockdown goes into effect for all NFL players 90 minutes before gametime, and doesn't end until well after the game, when all of the post-game media interviews have been conducted. During that time span, all players, coaches and team personnel are prohibited from tweeting. If they do tweet, Roger Goodell gets to waterboard them for 45 minutes or so.

I may be a little bit off on the punishment -- a fine is probably more likely -- but those are the new guidelines, whether Chad Ochocinco(notes) likes them or not.

Are they fair? Perhaps that's a useless questions, as "fairness" isn't a concept that really applies here. The NFL has employees, and they can set rules by which those employees have to abide. No one's saying that they can't use Twitter at all (unless they're an official -- then they can't use Twitter); they just have to shut it down for a few hours on gameday. The NFL can do that if they want.

I do wonder, though, how much of the NFL's motivation behind the new policy is aimed at protecting traditional media sources. Players can't break any injury news or anything in the moments leading up to the game, so those tidbits still have to come from Yahoo! Sports, ESPN, Fox, CBS, or whoever. Juicy postgame quotes can't go directly to Twitter. They'd either have to wait 90 minutes, or go through a traditional media source. I can see why the NFL would want it that way. They want as much news and exposure as possible on the television networks, and that's good business for them. For my personal tastes, though, it's a little restrictive on the players. I'd like to hear what they have to say.

Meanwhile, the new policy is great news for guys like Michael Silver, Chris Mortensen, Peter King, and Jay Glazer. But does it benefit them at the cost of the players?

One of the reasons players embrace Twitter (aside from rampant narcissism [cough] Ochocinco) is that they can get messages out to the public on their own terms, when they want and in the words they want. There's no misquoting on Twitter, and there's no being taken out of context. It's a direct connection, and I can't blame a player if they'd prefer that method through traditional methods.

It's an option that's not available to them now, at least during the times of the week when quotes are the juiciest and most sought-after. That's how the NFL wants it, so that's how it's going to be.