Wed Jun 23 05:25pm EDT
One of the best days of every offseason is the release of that year's draft portraits. It's a first formal introduction to the NBA's incoming players and a chance to see how these guys are going to handle the NBA's dress code. Usually, their pretty hilarious. This year's first batch of pre-draft photos are no difference.
John Wall has already got this superstar thing down. Custom cardigan like LeBron James(notes)? Check. Muted color palette like Carmelo Anthony(notes)? Check. Superfluous epaulets that serve no functional purpose like Amar'e Stoudemire(notes)? Check. This kid knows what's up.
On the other hand, Evan Turner is already preparing for a career as a middle manager at a bank if this whole basketball thing doesn't work out.
Heeeeeeeeeey, Ekpe Udoh is holdin' a ball here. Heeeeeeeeey, fuhgeddaboudit. He's just bustin' beans, heeeeeeeey.
It's pretty cool that your 14-year-old cousin Gordon Hayward and his best friend Luke Babbitt are going to be in the NBA. I bet they'll throw a wicked Xbox party to celebrate.
I like Patrick Patterson and think he will be a very good addition to whichever team drafts him. However, that doesn't mean I can't also think he looks like someone took Wayne Brady's head and enlarged it while keeping his face the same size. Because that is exactly what I think he looks like.
Al-Farouq Aminu's favorite Juice Crew rapper is obviously Biz Markie.
I'm not sure who should win best dressed draftee, but it's between these two. Cole Aldrich amazingly found the only plaid vest to ever fit a 6-foot-11 guy perfect, then coordinated it with a microstriped tie for a very smart look. Wesley Johnson's khaki suit, light blue gingham shirt and knit tie are proof he reads Put This On. Nicely done, fellas.
On the other hand, it's pretty apparent that no one ever told DeMarcus Cousins you're supposed to button the buttons on your sleeve. Or that pairing two soft colors like rose and slate will make you look like a very large, very angry grandfather. Oh well, there's always the draft to make up for it.