A better way to vent

After breaking two bones in his non-pitching hand when he punched a wall in the clubhouse, Kevin Brown waxed poetic about how all athletes do stupid things along the way.

The problem is that most of these guys aren't making gazillions and being expected to lead the New York Yankees to their next World Series title.

I have an old poster hanging in my office from the cover of the 1998 EA Sports video game. On the front is a picture of me with the quote "Do you have shoulders that can support an entire city?"

This always reminds me that when you are a No. 1 starter, things and responsibilities change. Brown knows this and lord knows he's punched enough walls to know better.

Yes, I did punch a handful of walls in my day. In fact, I was exactly the hothead that Brownie is today. But I learned not to hurt myself during my tantrums.

Every player has to express his frustration at some point. The key is to do it and live to play another day. During my career I learned a couple of favorite "snaps" that I have tried to pass on to every hothead that I come across. I guess it's time to pass them along to Kevin.

My second favorite snap move was to walk up the tunnel from the dugout and smash a perfectly-good wooden bat. Some who know me better may think I was just copying Pete Townshend's guitar smash, but there's nothing (actually only one thing) better than smashing a bat against a wall.

One very important thing to remember during this particular fit of rage: While grabbing a bat from the bat rack, get one that is taped. A taped bat is designated for batting practice only. We American League pitchers must be careful. After all, we don't have our own bats to smash and must rely on others to surrender the lumber.

Now on to the creme de la creme of snaps. There is no better feeling than ripping your entire uniform off after reaching the clubhouse in a fit of rage.

First, the jersey must be torn off, which is quite easy considering only a handful of buttons hold it onto your body. But that is just the beginning. The fulfilling portion of the uniform rip is the demolition of the pants. There are not many players who have actually done this correctly and enjoyed the experience to its fullest, so I am here to explain.

The belt must be undone to allow the zippered portion of the pants to be reached. Once this quick move is done, the player must pull at his pants from each side until the zipper is forced to give way and begins to open. As the zipper reaches its endpoint and has nowhere to go, this is where the fun part begins.

The frustrated player must keep pulling with all his anger and strength until the pants begin to rip at the zippers' end. The initial pull will create quite a long tear in the pants down one of the legs. The snap does not end here, however.

It will take two or three more struggling tears and pulls to keep the rip going until the entire leg of the pants has been freed. After this is accomplished, there is no more anger and no more frustration to deal with.

Many times this exercise will end with a teammate or two laughing and maybe the player himself cracking up. It is a tried and tested method and should be posted in every clubhouse next to the gambling rules.

Then we wouldn't be deciding pennant races while talking about dumb players.