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Joe Cole learned three words of French in five years of classes

Joe Cole has never been known as the sharpest studs in the boot room, but with his move to Lille, he's announced that he's going to make an effort to learn French. Now, that alone is admirable considering Carlos Tevez's stubbornness in shunning English. What's trouble, however, is that fact that Joe has already given French a go and it apparently didn't work out so great.

Said Joey (via The Sun):

"I want to throw myself into it, I want to learn the language. I did it for five years at school and came out with just 'bonjour' and 'au revoir' so I'm throwing myself into it. I'm excited about learning it."

Well, at that rate he should be able to say a full sentence in French about 10 years after he retires. He should probably just buy a robot that can follow him around France and translate for him. And then a film crew should follow the two of them to document their budding friendship and the many times Joe Cole hugs the translating robot.

Photo: Getty