When is it time to stop coaching your child in sports? Ask yourself these 3 questions

Dear Coach Steve,

I am hoping you can give me some advice. My husband has been coaching our 3 kids’ teams for the last 8 years. My oldest is 14 and I can sense that it may be time for him to have coaches other than his dad. I don’t think my husband is ready to give it up. Is it in everyone’s best interest for him to step down at this point?

Thank you in advance,

Christine

Ask yourself if you’re doing it for the right reasons

Dear Christine,

Coaching a son or daughter can be one of the many rewards of parenthood. It’s especially fun at early ages, when you can watch them learn and develop a love of sports right before your eyes. It’s when they get beyond these early stages that it gets trickier.

Many of us have been there, including myself. I coached my older son into eighth grade for baseball and my younger son through sixth grade for baseball and basketball. After those first few years, we stay in it because we love it, but also because we hope we can help our kids succeed.

Even if you never overstep the privilege of coaching, just being in that position gives you more control over their so-called destiny because you have the discretion to play them over other kids. Even if you are an assistant coach, the head coach is more likely to play he or she, or nominate them to be an All-Star, because you are looking over their shoulder.

Stop and think about that idea for a minute and consider if your son or daughter has aspirations to play sports in high school or college. Then ask yourself a few questions:

Is having you around making your child better, or are you giving him a false idea he is better than he actually is?

If you’re doing the latter, you’re perhaps creating a much harsher reality for your kid when you eventually won’t be able to coach him.

What is your level of expertise in the sport(s) you are coaching?

Someone with a better knowledge of the sport can give your child more insight that will be beneficial to her when she reaches a certain age.

Are you feeling a lot of pressure from other parents, who may also be your friends, to play their kids, too?

If so, you’re infringing on a dangerous territory, where you could be limiting more kids than just your own.

MORE COACH STEVE: 5 ways to impress your coach at any age or sport

My two sons are now coached in travel baseball by two men who played the sport in college and have a much wider knowledge of the game than me. (Mine was capped in high school in the 1990s, though perhaps enhanced by the observations of my profession.) These coaches are also younger and relate well to teenagers, who might aspire to be like them more than me in a baseball sense.

This doesn’t mean I’m not involved. I watch their games closely and offer insight after my observations, avoiding being too critical. I leave most of those words to their younger coaches.

There are some examples of parent-child/coach-player tandems at the college level. There are father Press and son Pete Maravich of LSU and Felipe and Moises Alou of the Montreal Expos. More recently in men’s college basketball, you can look to Greg and Doug McDermott at Creighton and Jim, Jimmy and Buddy Boeheim at Syracuse.

But consider that fathers who reach these high levels of coaching don’t often have time to be their child’s coach at younger ages. They leave it to someone else.

Doug McDermott coached Greg for the first time when they were at Creighton.

“Most parents, their kids go off to college and you don’t get to see them,” Greg McDermott told USA TODAY Sports in 2012. “I have the opportunity to spend almost every day with my son. It’s unique, and it’s something that we’re going to look back on in 10 years and we’ll really cherish.”

If your husband has the time and you believe he is still in it for the right reasons, then he should carry on.

Sincerely,

Coach Steve

Steve Borelli, aka Coach Steve, has been an editor and writer with USA TODAY since 1999. He spent 10 years coaching his two sons’ baseball and basketball teams. He and his wife, Colleen, are now loving life as sports parents for a high schooler and middle schooler.

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Coaching your child in youth sports? When should you stop?