There's only one way to save football's bowl system, and it could get messy | Whitley
This year’s bowl season ended with one indisputable loser – the bowl season.
Thanks to players transferring or opting out to pursue NFL dreams, a lot of teams looked nothing like what fans cheered for all season. The worst was the Orange Bowl, where everybody except Chief Osceola jumped ship at FSU.
The resulting 63-3 loss to Georgia was such a joke even Kirby Smart had a hard time enjoying it.
“People need to see what happened tonight, and they need to fix this,” he said.
Good luck with that.
Thanks to NIL and the transfer portal, players can now put their self-interests first - just like coaches and schools have always done. Next year’s expanded playoff system won’t be diluted, but the other 94 or so bowls may be downgraded from “meaningless” to “extinct” unless they think outside the box.
In this case, the Pop Tarts box.
No bowl generated more buzz this year than Orlando’s Pop Tarts Bowl. The sideshow culminated with the giant mascot dropping into a jumbo-sized toaster and being eaten by the victorious Kansas State players after the game.
Four days later, the Cheez-It mascot got on top of a giant box and held up a “Non-Edible Mascot” sign before the Cheez-It Citrus Bowl. The trolling was far more entertaining than the ensuing 35-0 Tennessee win over Iowa.
The Duke’s Mayo Bowl has broken out of the postseason miasma by dumping a giant vat of mayonnaise on the winning coach’s head. That’s not quite as grand or dignified as accepting the CFP National Championship trophy, but it’s a lot more fun and noticeable than whatever they did after the Guaranteed Rate Bowl.
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There’s plenty of untapped frivolity out there. The Avocados From Mexico Cure Bowl could dump a load of guacamole on the winning team.
The Las Vegas Bowl should contractually require coaches to dress like Elvis on the sideline. Two million people would tune in just to see Nick Saban in a white sequined jumpsuit and Elvis sideburns.
Imagine the possibilities if Krispy Kreme or The Animal Planet became sponsors. Who wouldn’t want to see Jim Harbaugh trying to ride an elephant?
It would be ridiculous, but these are desperate times. The only way to fix things might be for bowls to embrace the jokes they’ve become. …
Stud of the Week: LeBron James
Who turned 39 but is averaging 25.4 points, 7.4 rebounds and 7.4 assists a game. And after refs robbed him of a crucial 3-point shot on his birthday, James said, “Stevie Wonder could see that.” That ended his 3,482-game streak of making only politically correct statements. …
Dud of the Week: Carolina owner David Tepper
For tossing a drink at a Jacksonville fan during the Jaguars’ 26-0 beatdown of the Panthers. It was the only throw Carolina completed all day. …
Dud II: NFL officiating. Capping a season of ineptitude, a crew headed by referee Brad Allen incorrectly negated Detroit’s winning two-point play against Dallas. Despite video evidence, NFL head of officiating Stevie Wonder insisted the call was correct. …
NFL games took the top 14 spots and 56 slots overall in the top 100 primetime telecasts in 2023, according to Variety. The Academy Awards came in 15th, three spots behind the Jacksonville-San Diego playoff game.
I don’t want to say Hollywood’s in trouble, but I never thought I’d see the day when a football game featuring a team from Jacksonville would be more popular than the Oscars. …
The USFL and XFL officially merged last week, forming the UFL. Prediction: No UFL broadcast will make 2024’s top 100 most-watched shows. But the Arlington Renegades vs. the Schenectady Stallions game might top the Oscars. …
In the run-up to the CFP semifinal game against Alabama, Jim Harbaugh was asked about Jesus: “He would have been a five-star player, no doubt about it. He would have been a Hall of Fame coach.”
After hearing Harbaugh’s scouting report, Texas A&M immediately offered Jesus a $100 million NIL deal. …
It was 25 years overdue, but Jimmy Johnson was inducted into the Cowboys’ Ring of Honor during last week’s game against the Lions. After the game, Jerry Jones announced the next Ring of Honor recipient will be Brad Allen’s officiating crew. …
Correction: The UFL Stallions are actually located in Birmingham, not Schenectady. I apologize to the six fans who knew that. …
Tepper Tantrum II: The Patriots banned a fan for life after he threw a beer at Tyreke Hill in 2018. Carolina fans have petitioned the NFL to apply that precedent to their team’s owner. …
A tennis match at the Brisbane International was interrupted last week when a venomous eastern brown snake slithered onto the court. The snake was reportedly planning to chain itself to the net to protest global warming. …
Harbaugh Redux: If Jesus were a coach, he would have obeyed the commandment “Thou Shalt Not Steal Signs.” …
That’s about all the space we have for this week’s Whitley’s Believe It or Not. We’ll try again next week unless I get struck lightning for joking about Jesus, Stevie Wonder and Nick Saban in the same column.
David Whitley is The Gainesville Sun's sports columnist. Contact him at dwhitley@gannett.com. Follow him on Twitter @DavidEWhitley
This article originally appeared on The Gainesville Sun: College Football Bowl games need imagination to save themselves
