Sports protesters need to stop coming unglued, or else! | Whitley
Congratulations, sports world. You made it through a huge weekend without some goofball gluing himself to a player to protest chickens dying of global warming.
I was worried, given how trendy it’s become to disrupt games to promote (choose one: fossil fuels, animal rights, Jimbo Fisher’s contract). During a semifinal match at the U.S. Open last Thursday, four members of the “Extinction Rebellion” stood up and started yelling about global warming during a match between Coco Gauff and Karolina Muchova.
One guy glued his feet to the floor, delaying the match more than 45 minutes.
“It is what it is,” Muchova sighed afterward. “What can we do about it?”
What we can do is take a lesson from a ranger with the tribal law enforcement agency in Nevada.
Two weeks ago, protesters stopped traffic leading into the massive Burning Man Festival. The ranger drove his truck through a trailer blocking the road.
He yelled “I’m going to take all of you out. You better move!” over a loudspeaker, drew his weapon and started handcuffing shocked protesters.
My hero.
I’m not saying everyone who glues themselves to an NBA court or a tennis net should be run over by a Ford F-150, though that has a certain appeal. But protesters obviously aren’t deterred by the prospect of being charged with disorderly conduct.
A crackdown has nothing to do with what animates the activists. I don’t care if the U.S. Open rebels had been wearing “Drill, Baby, Drill!” T-shirts and handing out foot-long cigars made by the Koch brothers. Rude is rude, regardless of the motivation.
Activists say they have to do it to get maximum exposure. I’d say 95% of the audience comes away just thinking the protesters are self-righteous brats.
It is telling that most sports protests have occurred at more genteel venues like tennis stadiums. I wish Extinction Rebellion members would glue themselves to the goalposts before an SEC football game. Or better yet, try that at a high school game in Okeechobee County.
As for the jabroni who glued himself into place at the U.S. Open, security should have just put a gag in his mouth and left him stuck there. After a couple of days, he would have been pleading for a fossil-fueled air-conditioned bathroom and hopefully realized that sports fans have rights, too.
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Stud of the Week: The University of Florida
For being ranked No. 1 among public universities in the Wall Street Journal’s “2024 Best Colleges” report. That’s all well and good, of course, but the football team still has two fewer votes (zero) in the AP poll than Fresno State.
Stud II: Anthony Richardson
For an encouraging 24-for-37/two TD debut with the Colts.
Stud III: The green suit with short pants and black bowtie Richardson wore to the game. When you show up in that kind of get-up, you’d better look good on the field.
Stud IV: Cooper Mumford. The 275-pound offensive lineman picked up a fumble and tossed a 9-yard touchdown pass to help Colorado Mesa beat San Diego 28-21 on Saturday. That’s one more TD pass than Iowa quarterbacks have thrown since 2021…
Dud of the Week: Mel Tucker
For the sexual-harassment fiasco engulfing Michigan State. At the very least, Tucker’s admitted to having phone sex with a rape survivor he brought in to lecture his football team. Expect Tucker’s career to go the way of Harvey Weinstein’s real soon.
Dud II: The 11,000 runners (out of 30,000) who were disqualified for cheating in the Mexico City Marathon. Oddly enough, all of them were wearing LSU basketball jerseys.
Dud III: The SEC, for going 3-6 against Power Five opponents so far. At this rate, the Pac-12 might not even invite Vanderbilt to join.
Dud IV: The U.S. basketball team, for failing to win even a bronze medal in the FIBA World Cup. Coach Steve Kerr blamed it on global warming…
If you needed further proof SEC football is spinning out of control, LSU women’s basketball coach Kim Mulkey got a raise last week that will pay her $3.15 million this year. That’s $150,000 more than Mississippi State football coach Zach Arnett will make.
An SEC women’s hoops coach making more than an SEC football coach? What is this, the Big East?...
This Just In: A protester wearing a “MAKE JIMBO EXTINCT” T-shirt has glued himself to a goalpost at Texas A&M…
Best Colleges Redux: UF was ranked No. 15 overall. Amherst, Claremont McKenna, Babson and Swarthmore were 8 through 11. Coincidentally, Georgia scheduled all of them as non-conference opponents this season…
According to the Elias Sports Bureau, Johnny Unitas never showed up to a Colts’ opener wearing a green suit with short pants…
Eight climate activists glued themselves to the Speaker’s chair in England’s House of Commons last year. If they tried that in the U.S. Senate, would anyone be young enough to notice?...
That’s about all the space we have for this week’s Whitley’s Believe It Or Not. If you plan to protest fossil fuels at Saturday’s Florida-Tennessee game, please do 90,000 fans a favor and glue yourself to a truck stop toilet on Interstate 75 instead.
David Whitley is The Gainesville Sun's sports columnist. Contact him at dwhitley@gannett.com. Follow him on Twitter @DavidEWhitley
This article originally appeared on The Gainesville Sun: Crack down on sports protesters who come unglued
