Lamar Jackson and Tyreek Hill lead this (totally absurd) 2028 Olympics flag football team
Editor's note: The IOC added flag football to its program Oct. 16 for the 2028 Olympics in Los Angeles along with baseball/softball, cricket, lacrosse and squash.
It’s true: we’re one step closer to flag football being an Olympic sport. Yes, that’s totally absurd. Yes, adding flag football would be one of the dumbest things the International Olympic Committee has ever done (and that’s saying something).
The IOC will soon decide on which of the five proposed new sports will be allowed into the 2028 Olympic Games in Los Angeles. One of those proposals is to add flag football. When news of that possibility became public this week, it was met with a positive response from at least one NFL star: Miami Dolphins wide receiver Tyreek Hill.
"Calling all NFL guys let's bring one home," Hill posted on X, formerly known as Twitter, speaking about a gold medal.
If Hill gets his wish, he'd be part of the flag football version of the Avengers. While the idea of flag football as an Olympic sport is goofy, if it’s going to happen, let’s dominate this sucker, the way Americans dominated the Russians at Lake Placid. Do you believe in flag miracles? Yes!
Our flags? They will be made in America. In Texas. At the Alamo. We’ll have the best flags. The greatest flags. Flags so pristine and beautiful we’ll be able to eat our hot dogs and apple pie off of them. There will also be no soft flag pulling. We’re not France. Plus, when we pull a flag, every American will stop and stand for the anthem.
In all seriousness, the NFL says that flag football is one of the world’s fastest-growing sports. That it’s played by over 20 million people in more than 100 countries and women and girls are driving the fastest growth.
This may all be true but all of this still smacks of a rich American corporation, acting in its own self-interest, using flag football, and the Olympics, as a way of spreading the NFL gospel around the world. Can’t blame the NFL for trying this. Many sports have done the same thing. Hell, the NBA had the Dream Team, and it was a marketing bonanza. But the primary reason for its existence was the 1988 Olympic team failing to win gold. The NFL's attempt at this feels far more artificial.
Yet, I have to admit, if this does happen, people will watch. Lots of people. Because the NFL as an organization will push for some of its top stars to compete. Individual teams will be horrified at such an idea fearing a catastrophic injury. Can you imagine Hill blowing out his knee?
But if the flag football Olympics do happen, maybe the team will look like mine below. Some caveats. This is assuming the teams are standard five-on-five. This also assumes the NFL and union would even allow its biggest stars to participate. Also, remember, not every player in the NFL can be on the team. Don't send me 500 emails saying Stefon Diggs needs to be on the squad.
And yes, this team can't account for future star players who might emerge between now and the time of the Games. I'm not a time traveler, buddy.
Let's all say it together: U...S...A.
COACH, TOM BRADY. Age in 2028: Immortal being. Normally, you'd have Bill Belichick lead this team, but have you seen the Patriots lately? Plus, there'd be a built-in backup quarterback.
QUARTERBACK, LAMAR JACKSON, Ravens. Age in 2028: 31. Even in his 30s, Jackson would still be one of the fastest humans on the planet.
CENTER, TRAVIS KELCE, Kansas City. Age in 2028: 39. Once the center snaps the football, he can go out for a pass. At 6 feet 5 inches, Kelce could just post up defenders. Also, Kelce would bring the Taylor Swift fanbase with him. Assuming they're still together. If they're not, it would be a sad day for the planet.
WIDE RECEIVER, TYREEK HILL, Dolphins. Age in 2028: 34. A very public flag football backer. Also, runs in attoseconds.
WIDE RECEIVER, JUSTIN JEFFERSON, Vikings. Age in 2028: 29. His abilities would rupture the flag space-time continuum.
WIDE RECEIVER, MARVIN HARRISON JR. Age in 2028: 26. He'll be a top five pick in this upcoming draft, a Super Bowl winner with the Chicago Bears, and then a gold medalist.
RUSHER, DE'VON ACHANE, DOLPHINS. Age in 2028: 26. Any player who rushes the passer must be a minimum of seven yards past the line of scrimmage at the snap. Achane can cover that distance before you learn how to properly pronounce his name ("duh-VON AY-chan").
DEFENSIVE BACK, TARIQ WOOLEN, SEAHAWKS. Age in 2028: 29. Ran a 4.26 40-yard dash at the scouting combine in 2022.
DEFENSIVE BACK, KALON BARNES, JETS. Age in 2028: 29. Ran a 4.23 40-yard dash at the combine. Somehow, he ran faster than Woolen.
SAFETY, JA'MARR CHASE, BENGALS. Age in 2028: 28. My team will feature receivers as safeties. Because why not.
SAFETY, AMON-RA ST. BROWN, LIONS. Age in 2028: 28. If his stint at safety works out in the Olympics, he should play the position in the NFL.
So this is the team. The Flag Dream Team.
But we have to come up with a better name than that.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: These NFL players would win flag football gold in the Olympics.
