The new golf ball, another Mets letdown and, what's this, a Bob Hope comeback! | KEN WILLIS

In honor of the Department of Transportation, Kenny Rogers’ great duet partner Dottie West, and the dot.com bubble — it’s been a while, but we bring you the staple of short-attention-span Sunday, the three-dotter . . .

Fore! USGA, R&A want to slow the roll (and flight)

Man, you’d think they outlawed Dockers and NetJets. Golf’s oldest overlords announced this week a coming (in 2026) change in golf balls, designed to slightly roll back driving distances in premier events and, as a side benefit, keep many grand old (shorter) courses relevant … “People are running faster. So, what, are they just going to make the length of a mile longer so that the fastest mile time doesn’t change?” asks PGA Tour stud and critic Justin Thomas. “Or are they going to put the NBA hoop at 13 feet because people can jump higher now?” ...

… When Augusta National has to buy part of the golf course on its southern boundary so it has room to lengthen the National’s 13^th hole, push the fifth tee practically off the property, and back up the first tee damn near to the putting green, you might want to eventually call a meeting ... Same for when St. Andrews had to move the 17^th tee literally into out-of-bounds territory in order to add length and keep the Road Hole relevant to its original purpose … Much of the advances in distance have been due to better training resulting in higher swing speeds, but most of it has come (you gotta think) from advances in clubs and golf balls, and the balls are the easier target …

… Justin Thomas suggests you don’t see this bifurcation of standards — professionals different from amateurs, physical changes to equipment , etc. — in other athletic realms. He’s wrong, of course, and we’ll help him with a few examples here along the way … For now, speaking of distance, some words from the one-time America’s Golfer, Bob Hope: “I have a wonderful short game. Unfortunately, it’s off the tee” …

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Dog Days arrive early for Mets fans

Was driving along a local thoroughfare this week and saw a huge concrete slab just completed at a commercial construction site. You might not believe this, but it wasn’t a future car wash or storage facility … Hate it for Mets fans (just kidding, but it sounds neighborly), but ace reliever Edwin Diaz is likely out for the year after injuring his knee in a post-game celebration at the World Baseball Classic. Some folks, naturally, are criticizing the once-every-four-year international event, as if Diaz couldn’t have been hurt in St. Lucie … That’s like blaming the D.C. Theatrical Society for John Wilkes Booth …

… One of the arguments among the distance-seeking golfers centers on amateurs getting to use the same gear as the pros. From everything I’ve seen, Titleist, Callaway and the others will still be able to make their “stunted” pro balls available in the world’s pro shops, so have at it …

… And by the way, Sandbagging Sam and Single Digit Stu are part of the problem with modern golf. America’s golf courses — especially the upper-crust variety — are awash in Greens Committee chairmen who insist on getting their back tees past the 7,000-yard mark and their greens to marbling speed, which in turn makes too many 18-hole rounds longer than Thanksgiving with the in-laws … Can you imagine if professional auto racing didn’t (literally) throttle back on speeds? Of course, many of you would like that, but they’d have to set the grandstands back so far, binoculars would be standard fare …

Forget the golf ball, remember when woods were wooden?

You don’t see professional baseball players using composite bats, do you? If big-league hitters were allowed to swing metal, MLB would have to tear down Comiskey Park and Tiger Stadium … Oh, wait, they already did that. What’s left? OK, they’d have to either tear down Dodger Stadium, Wrigley Field and Fenway Park, or move the outfield walls back to the San Gabriel Mountains (L.A.), Grace Street (Chicago), and the south bank of the Charles River (Boston) … Don’t you love when guys sidestep over to Google Maps and return to pretend they’re geographical whizzes? … It’ll never happen, but a baseball solution to golf distance would be great. Make the pros go back to wooden woods. Bring back the carved 3-wood around trees from 250 (and the duck-hook, by the way) …

... By the way, Justin, professional bowlers don’t bowl on the same lanes as ye olde’ Friday Night League keglers. Talcum Powder Tommy, otherwise proud of his 221 average, gets the benefit of friendlier lane oil than Pete “Who Do You Think You Are” Weber …… Bob Hope: “Gerry Ford is easy to spot on a golf course. He’s the one driving a cart with a red cross painted on top” … Hard to imagine, kids, but we once had a vice-president, later president, who’d participate in PGA Tour pro-ams and bean spectators so often, it quit qualifying as news. And to think, he came a lip-out away from winning re-election …

… That kick-starts the old-joke memory. After league night at the lanes, Joe falls asleep in the arms of his mistress, wakes up at 3 a.m. in a panic, and on the quick drive home he sprinkles talcum powder all over his chest. Wife Carol greets him at the front door, he panics again and admits where he’s been and with whom. “You’re a liar,” Carol says upon seeing the talcum powder. “You’ve been out playing pool with the boys!” …

Rest up, May 5-6 will test your party muscles: Cinco de Mayo and Kentucky Derby a 1-2 punch, so to speak

… If professional pickleball is ever going to reach moderate levels of sports-TV viewership, it’d help if their two prominent professional leagues weren’t the PPA and APP. The PPA’s partner, Major League Pickleball, comes to town this coming week, just weeks after both the APP and then the PPA took over Pictona … Kinda-sorta like explaining to casual fans the difference between the PGA and the PGA Tour — one is a group of golf professionals and the other a group of professional golfers, most of whom don’t want to lose 5% off their tee balls …

… One more from Bob Hope: “Yet again, we were wandering through the trees looking for my tee shot. I asked my caddie to quit checking his watch, it’s distracting. He told me, ‘It’s not a watch, sir, it’s a compass.’ ” … Hopefully you feel better today than you did Saturday morning in the wake of St. Patrick’s Day. In a few weeks, take advantage of Easter to cleanse your soul, if not your innards, because the first weekend of May brings a double whammy: Cinco de Mayo on Friday, May 5 (funny how it always falls on that day, huh?) and Derby Day on May 6 … Pro tip for the Derby: Never, ever bet on the defending champ.

— Reach Ken Willis at ken.willis@news-jrnl.com

This article originally appeared on The Daytona Beach News-Journal: Justin Thomas, golf balls, Edwin Diaz ... and Bob Hope? You betcha