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Pro golfers: They're just like us!
While Irishman Shane Lowry was putting together a fairytale victory lap in front of his countrymen, Brooks Koepka spent Sunday stewing over the glacially-slow approach of playing partner J.B. Holmes.
Now, Holmes has never been known for his quick play. In fact, his spirit animal may well be Steve Trachsel, the ex-MLB pitcher who was known as the "Human Rain Delay."
But Sunday was bad. Not only was his play typically deliberate, he had a lot more shots to stall over.
And I do mean a lot more.
Despite coming into the day tied for third at -10, Holmes melted down in the awful conditions at Royal Portrush and carded a 16-over 87 to finish the tournament at T-67 at +6.
(Fun fact: Holmes took home $25,088 instead of the $718K check he was in line to cash at the start of the round.)
Koepka speaks out
Making matters worse is that he was playing with Koepka, the sport-destroying automaton who makes it clear at every turn that he'd rather be doing almost anything else than playing golf.
At one point, Koepka was spotted tapping his wrist in front of a tournament official, the universal sign for "if you don't put a boot in this guy's ---, I'm going to start hitting into him at the turn."
Another time, NBC cameras caught Brooks with body language that could only be translated as I can't even.
Afterward, the impatient Koepka, who finished tied for fourth, couched some of his criticism. He even said that Holmes' round was "relatively quick."
But he also didn't spare any words for players who don't play like they have somewhere to be, a group that included Holmes.
“What I don’t understand is when it’s your turn to hit, your glove is not on, then you start thinking about it, that’s where the problem lies," Koepka told reporters. "It’s not that (Holmes) takes that long. He doesn’t do anything until his turn. That’s the frustrating part. But he’s not the only one that does it out here."
Brooks Koepka: A true man of the people
We've all been there, of course.
Sitting on the teebox while the group ahead lines up every putt like it's for a green jacket. Or leaning on your club while your annoying co-worker goes through Keegan Bradley's entire pre-shot routine.
It's all enough to last out and scream: "Get on with it, hack!"
But the next time you're out on the links and you feel that rage welling up inside you, rest easy in the fact that the world's best golfer is out there fighting the good fight for the rest of us.