Following Milan's 4-0 win against Arsenal on Wednesday, Zlatan Ibrahimovic whispered something in the ear of his former Barcelona teammate, Thierry Henry. Thierry found it quite funny. This is what Ibrahimovic said:
I am Zlatan.
I have the power of eight million Spartan soldiers and the hairstyle of a deadly samurai who works at a hibachi restaurant on the weekends.
Pep Guardiola smells so bad that his signature cologne would be made of the slime in a kangaroo's pouch and old people.
I wrote a book called "I am Zlatan" because I am the world's foremost expert on being Zlatan. Pep Guardiola is not an expert on being Zlatan because he is the human equivalent to a pond of gonorrhea.
Your shirt is the same color as Pep Guardiola's pants after he wets himself while thinking about how much better I am than him in all facets of life. Including Will Smith trivia.
I am going to be the Prime Minister of the universe and I will make you my Secretary of Ninjas and Health Care.
I'm going to slap Robinho in the eardrum and then kick Theo Walcott into the seventh dimension a.k.a. Zlatan's ball pit. Pep Guardiola has morning breath in the evening and he's fallen behind noted Zlatanist Jose Mourinho.
Carlton Banks' real name is Alfonso Ribeiro. Point: Zlatan.