Say, hockey fans: Have you been searching high and low for that perfect combination of NHL gear and something to wear to your next ritualistic cult sacrifice and/or Kool-Aid drinking circle?
Well, look no more, because the NHL Player Comfy Throws are here!
(Nice of J.B. Smoove from “Curb Your Enthusiasm” to model the New York Rangers one …)
Yes, the NHL Player Comfy Throw, which Shop NHL Describes thusly:
“Made of soft, thick, luxurious fleece with oversized loose-fitting sleeves, this New York Player Comfy Throw lets your shoulders, arms and upper body remain protected from the cold.
(At this point we’d like to mention that this product is so dedicated to keeping hockey fans protected from the cold that it offers zero Canadian Player Throws but has one for [expletive] Tampa.)
“Unlike a typical blanket, it leaves your arms and hands free to use a TV remote, talk on the phone, eat a snack, enjoy an outdoor sports event, and much more.”
(Wait, you can’t enjoy an outdoor sporting even under a typical blanket? Or without using your arms and hands? So confused.)
“This unisex Player Comfy Throw …”
(In the sense that men and women can both wear it, but don’t worry ladies, it has a giant dude’s body printed on the front of it.)
“… blanket measures 48" x 71" and is designed to look like you are wearing an NHL uniform. This comfy throw blanket is perfect for winter traveling or when you are cuddled up on the couch watching the [your team] take over the ice.”
Here are a few more, featuring the Chicago Blackhawks and St. Louis Blues. Seriously, there’s no way Billy Corgan doesn’t own the Hawks one, right?
FINALLY, a way to get Jonathan Toews intp bed without having to turn down Patrick Kane first ...
The NHL Player Comfy Throw features 10 teams in Shop NHL, although this Groupon reveals the Boston Bruins and Washington Capitals ones as well.
It retails for $24.95, except the Rangers one, which is $26.95; we imagine the cost disparity is because it’s modeled on the actual garment Glen Sather wears around on the weekends.
We’re not sure if our lives would be enriched by the NHL Player Comfy Throw; but, at the very least, it does give us an idea on how to sneak our smallest friend into the next game. (“C’mon, man, watch the thighs …”)
What say you?
Pass or Fail: The NHL Player Comfy Throw!