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Who has the best Michigan high school mascot? Ranking the most unique in the state

drew kochanny, the petoskey news-review
·5 min read

Pretty soon now, the doors to high schools across the state of Michigan will open back up and kids will enter proudly sporting their school’s colors and mascot.

There will be Wildcats and Vikings everywhere, Panthers and Eagles roaming the halls from Lake Michigan to Lake Huron and Chargers and Rams going head-to-head from the football field to the volleyball court.

But, what I really want to see is a River Rat face a Nimrod. Give me a Chix vs. Dux matchup. Is it an upset if a Doughboy beats a Speedboy?

Everyone knows the most common mascot names used, not only in Michigan, but across the country. But, I’m more interested in the ones that make you laugh or think a little. Perhaps these schools are just trying to get into the head of their opponent before the game even begins?

Michigan is home to quite a few unique mascots. Here’s my list of the top high school mascot names from all across the state:

Don't we all love bathers? At Mount Clemens High School, they really love their Battling Bathers. They're one of the more unique mascots in the state of Michigan, which features some creative and sometimes head scratching representatives for schools.
Don't we all love bathers? At Mount Clemens High School, they really love their Battling Bathers. They're one of the more unique mascots in the state of Michigan, which features some creative and sometimes head scratching representatives for schools.

Honorable Mention: 

Edwardsburg — Eddies; Holland — Dutch; Dearborn Fordson — Tractors; Gladwin — Flying G’s; Gwinn — Modeltowners; Escanaba — Eskymos; Zeeland East — Chix; Zeeland West — Dux; Detroit International — Pink Panthers; Goodrich — Martians; Calumet — Copper Kings; Ishpeming — Hematites; Dexter — Dreadnoughts; Detroit Southeastern — Jungaleers; Bath — Bees; Ida — Bluestreaks; Pine River — Bucks; Colon — Magi; and Plymouth Salem — Rocks.

10. St. Louis — Sharks

This one just makes me laugh.

Go to Florida or Hawaii and Sharks is probably a pretty common mascot and it makes sense. But Michigan? Not so much.

Not only is it a funny mascot for the state, but if you know anything about St. Louis, it's about as far from any of the Great Lakes as you can get. It's smack dab in the middle of the state, not far from Alma. While the Pine River flows through, to my knowledge it's still shark free.

If the goal was to stand out, St. Louis did a heck of a job here. Now I've got to find Polar Bears in Florida or Mountaineers in Kansas.

9. Mount Clemens — Battling Bathers

Who doesn't love a bather?

This one gets an instant eyebrow raise and you can even throw in a head turn, maybe a, "Come again?"

The Battling Bathers are exactly as they sound and the goofy mascot of an old time looking figure in a leotard bathing suit is as interesting as you think. The mascot came from the number of mineral bathhouses the city once had and their popularity.

Hey, they're probably the cleanest opponent you can put on the schedule if you look at it that way.

8. Ann Arbor Huron — River Rats

Kudos to Ann Arbor Huron. They could have gone with beavers or muskrats or even nutria, but they really embraced their rodent side.

While the school mascot has the appearance more of a mouse than anything, the name still rolls right off the tongue and paints a unique picture in your mind.

Built near the Huron River in the late 1960s, a joke became a mascot and has stuck ever since.

Unlike many around Northern Michigan, these Snowbirds don't pack it in for the winter. Gaylord St. Mary always makes their name known on the hardwood.
Unlike many around Northern Michigan, these Snowbirds don't pack it in for the winter. Gaylord St. Mary always makes their name known on the hardwood.

7. Gaylord St. Mary — Snowbirds

Despite the connotation of snowbirds, the Snowbirds of St. Mary don’t head south for the winter. They’ve regularly got basketball teams competing for conference titles and making deep postseason runs at the Division 4 level.

The mascot resembles the more literal sense of the term and the birds that hang around during the colder months, but I instead envision a retiree, feet kicked up on Florida beach in GSM colors.

6. Detroit Pershing — Doughboys

Detroit Pillsbury…sorry, I mean Pershing, has a great mascot.

Your mind goes instantly to that cute little Doughboy that's always getting his belly poked, but the origin is actually surprising.

The school is named after World War I General John J. Pershing whose troops were called doughboys.

So, there you have it. A pretty simple explanation here. Hoo-Hoo!

5. Bessemer — Speedboys/Speedgirls

I can’t tell you the first thing about what a Speedboy or Speedgirl is, but, I can tell you it makes me laugh.

Paired with Bessemer, it just rolls off the tongue and is actually one of the more unique in the country. I can’t imagine anyone else is carrying the name.

You don’t exactly think of speed when thinking of Bessemer, certainly not when it comes to getting there. Aside from Ironwood, it’s about as far west in the U.P. as you can get. Just a speedy nine-hour drive from Detroit.

The Kingsford Flivvers athletic program has proved to be a well oiled machine in recent years, unlike the school's longtime mascot.
The Kingsford Flivvers athletic program has proved to be a well oiled machine in recent years, unlike the school's longtime mascot.

4. Kingsford — Flivvers

The run of Upper Peninsula names is just getting started.

Have no clue what a flivver is? You’re not alone, so let me help. A cheap, old and rusty car is the gist. Think all the way back to the early 20th century.

The school actually had a 1923 Model T car painted in Kingsford colors donated back in 2017, though it’s far from typical flivver condition. This Flivver is a beaut.

3. Watersmeet — Nimrods

If you’re from Michigan, you’ve probably heard of this one by now.

ESPN even did a commercial on the Nimrods and the school was part of an eight-part documentary at one point. They also got on Jay Leno.

Apparently, the Nimrod comes from an outdoorsman or skilled hunter. It fits as far as the Upper Peninsula goes. What makes it funny is the more common use of the word, calling someone a nimrod referring to a fool.

The look you make when trying to figure out what exactly a Chemic is? Legendary Midland High basketball coach Eric Krause likely can't explain what a Chemic is, but he certainly knew how to lead them on the basketball court.
The look you make when trying to figure out what exactly a Chemic is? Legendary Midland High basketball coach Eric Krause likely can't explain what a Chemic is, but he certainly knew how to lead them on the basketball court.

2. Midland — Chemics

Alright, I have to admit I’m a little bias here. I was a Chemic.

But even in typing that, I’m still wondering myself what a Chemic actually is. First, you have to understand that Dow Chemical essentially is Midland, so that’s at least where it comes from. At one point I was also an Adams Elementary Atom.

So, what is a Chemic? It’s one-of-one in the entire country, but I used to like to tell people it’s the team that's ahead on the scoreboard.

1. Houghton — Gremlins

Finally we get to No. 1 and these little guys have been my favorite forever.

I can’t help but laugh in my head or smile every time I think of an announcer shouting, ‘And here come the Gremlins!’

The name for Houghton came in 1948 and was tied to World War II stories of Gremlins in the skies. It stuck and they’ve been living under the school (presumably) ever since.

Contact Sports Editor Drew Kochanny at dkochanny@petoskeynews.com. Follow him on Twitter, @DrewKochanny, and Instagram, @drewkochanny

This article originally appeared on The Petoskey News-Review: Ranking the best Michigan high school mascot names in the state