Howdy, kids. Below is Volume II of my NFL mock draft. Adjustments were made from the first mock.
After the Cleveland Browns and New York Jets made moves like Down South Hustlers at the start of free agency, I’ve anticipated further movement by a needy team as well as project landing spots for the draft’s top prospects based on the information available through the past weekend.
Follow along for updates as we count down the days before the draft descends upon Jerry World (April 26-28) in Arlington, Texas.
Now scroll down, hop in (the water is quite lovely) and immerse yourself in the merriment below, while obtaining some fire insight!
1) Cleveland Browns: Sam Darnold, QB, USC
Analysis: Started from the bottom, now we’re here. After a flurry of trades to compete right away, Browns fans pray to 8-pound, 6-ounce, sweet, baby Jesus that John Dorsey and Hue Jackson can get this $50 million question correct.
2) Buffalo Bills (from Giants): Josh Rosen, QB, UCLA
Analysis: After giving up all those picks to move up in the draft, Bills management better get this right or Bills Mafia will have them swimming with the Bubble Guppies.
3) New York Jets (from Colts): Baker Mayfield, QB, Oklahoma
Analysis: I’d love to see Mayfield walk into his introductory interview with the Jets rocking a fur coat on that Joe Namath flow. And yeah, after giving up all those picks to move up in the draft, Jets management better not screw this up either.
4) Cleveland Browns: Bradley Chubb, DE, N.C. State
Analysis: For some reason, I keep picturing Myles (Garrett) and (Bradley) Chubb on a poster as the 2018 version of “Tango and Cash.”
5) Denver Broncos: Saquan Barkley, RB, Penn State
Analysis: Imagine how “lit” Broncos fans are going to be watching Barkley break long runs while partaking in their state’s favorite pastime?
6) Indianapolis Colts (from Jets): Quentin Nelson, G, Notre Dame
Analysis: How many games did Andrew Luck play last year? “Allllllllllllllrighty then!”
7) Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Denzel Ward, CB, Ohio State
Analysis: The Bucs may be in for another year of “Hard Knocks” if their defense can’t slow down any of the high-powered offenses in the NFC South.
8) Chicago Bears: Harold Landry, OLB, Boston College
Analysis: If Ryan Pace doesn’t nail this pick, he’ll end up being the biggest sack of Landry’s young career.
9) San Francisco 49ers: Minkah Fitzpatrick, DB, Alabama
Analysis: Even after signing Richard Sherman, the 49ers have holes all over their secondary – so why not draft a cat who can potentially plug every one of them?
10) Oakland Raiders: Roquan Smith, LB, Georgia
Analysis: With Melvin Gordon, Kareem Hunt and (possibly) Saquan Barkley in the division, Chucky and the Raiders’ D need Smith like Tyrone Biggums needs Red Balls. “It gives me WINGS!!”
11) Miami Dolphins: Da’Ron Payne, DT, Alabama
Analysis: Ndamukong Suh’s time in Miami didn’t pan out … with the Dolphins or on “Ballers.”
12) New York Giants (from Bills via Bengals): Jaire Alexander, CB, Louisville
Analysis: The Giants’ defense was second to last in pass yards and dead last in pass touchdowns. No pressure, kid.
13) Washington Redskins: Marcus Davenport, DE, UT San Antonio
Analysis: Washington has to deal with that Philly offense AND the return of OBJ. Yeah, get your weight up on defense, HTTR.
14) Green Bay Packers (from Bills): Mike Hughes, CB, UCF
Analysis: After seeing Philly win the Super Bowl with their backup quarterback, the Pack realized they need more playmakers.
15) Arizona Cardinals: Josh Allen, QB, Wyoming
Analysis: Nothing says “draft a quarterback in the first round” like porcelain goddess Sam Bradford and Mike Glennon as your only options.
16) Baltimore Ravens: Calvin Ridley, WR, Alabama
Analysis: Ravens fans hope that Michael Crabtree and Ridley can produce better results than Crabtree and that other Alabama WR he played with in Oakland.
17) Los Angeles Chargers: Mike McGlinchey, OT, Notre Dame
Analysis: Philip Rivers is going to annoy the “poop emoji” out of fans if he can talk “poop emoji” deep into the playoffs. This kid should help him get there.
18) Seattle Seahawks: Josh Jackson, CB, Iowa
Analysis: There are a lot of parallels between the college careers of Josh Jackson and Richard Sherman. Now the Seahawks hope that correlation carries over to the league, preferably in another NFC championship game followed by an epic rant to Erin Andrews.
19) Dallas Cowboys: Michael Gallup, WR, Colorado State
Analysis: Word on the street is that team owner Jerry Jones was trying to holla at all the top free-agent wide receivers. You better believe he’s going to shoot his shot in the draft.
20) Detroit Lions: Maurice Hurst, DT, Michigan
Analysis: Right now, the Lions don’t have “Ngata” at defensive tackle so they draft a Michigan kid to fill the void.
21) Cincinnati Bengals (from Bills): Derwin James, S, Florida State
Analysis: The Bengals have to be tired of Antonio Brown and Le’Veon bell giving them the business twice a year. D.J. can’t resolve this problem on his own but drafting him can’t hurt either.
22) New York Giants (from Bills): Frank Ragnow, C, Arkansas
Analysis: The best way to eliminate the “Eli Face” is to keep those hornets from stinging him in the pocket. General manager Dave Gettleman just signed Nate Solder and scooping a talent like Ragnow definitely helps.
23) Los Angeles Rams: Tremaine Edmunds, LB, Virginia Tech
Analysis: The Rams trade Alec Ogletree to the Giants and get lucky enough to have Edmunds fall into their lap at this spot.
24) Carolina Panthers: Isaiah Wynn, G, Georgia
Analysis: The Panthers haven’t had a true No. 1 WR since Steve Smith was telling DBs to “Ice Up, Son!” Well, they still don’t have one after this selection but at least they have some extra beef to keep the heat off Cam.
25) Tennessee Titans: Vita Vea, DT, Washington
Analysis: If this massive man can’t help slow down the Fournette monster, I don’t know what will.
26) Atlanta Falcons: Harrison Phillips, DT, Stanford
Analysis: I didn’t have any Stanford guys in Volume I of my mock draft so I had to bounce back with Horrible Harry in Volume II. Peep my man’s stats; he’s the real deal and the Dirty Birds need a replacement for Bruh Man Poe from the Fifth Floor.
27) New Orleans Saints: Mike Gesicki, TE, Penn State
Analysis: This fella’s hands are so nice. Gesicki can catch the flu on a warm summer night in the Sahara.
28) Pittsburgh Steelers: Rashaan Evans, LB, Alabama
Analysis: Ryan Shazier continues to inspire daily with his accomplishments but the Steelers need to address the huge hole in the middle of their defense ASAP.
29) Jacksonville Jaguars: Lamar Jackson, QB, Louisville
Analysis: News Flash – Jacksonville has made some of the smartest moves this offseason. Keep waiting for the punch line because there isn’t one.
30) Minnesota Vikings: Donte Jackson, CB, LSU
Analysis: Y’all saw that NFC championship game. Get me some butter and blackberry preserves to spread over that TOAST!
31) New England Patriots: Arden Key, OLB, LSU
Analysis: The Pats hope Arden is a “Major Key” in their defense.
32) Philadelphia Eagles: D.J. Chark, WR, LSU
Analysis: Cowboys Fans: “Alright Doug, now you’re just getting greedy on offense!”
Eagles Fans: “Yes, they finally forgot about the horse poop!”
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