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Power Rankings: No clowning; it's the Nationals

Tim Brown
Yahoo Sports

If the Clemens trial goes any longer, they should credit Roger for one more complete game. But maybe not a shutout.

The rankings (records through Wednesday's games):

Washington
1. Washington Nationals (38-23; Previous: 3) – Displeased with inappropriate question put to rookie Bryce Harper, entire Nats team gets huffy, returns to hotel in its single tiny car.


Los Angeles
2. Los Angeles Dodgers (40-24; Previous: 2) – Tommy Lasorda heart attack is "mild" according to those who didn't suffer it.


New York
3. New York Yankees (37-25; Previous: 12) – Doctor rolls eyes, tells Mark Teixeira again that no matter how often he coughs, hernia portion of exam is over.


Texas
4. Texas Rangers (37-26; Previous: 1) – Rangers' starters third in the league in ERA, but first in MRI.


Tampa Bay
5. Tampa Bay Rays (35-27; Previous: 4) – Ozzie Guillen offers to throw in "a couple million" for new Rays ballpark. Rays appreciate it, ask if they couldn't have Giancarlo Stanton instead.


San Francisco
6. San Francisco Giants (36-27; Previous: 11) – Apparently, Tim Lincecum's ERA on same diet as Pablo Sandoval.


Baltimore
7. Baltimore Orioles (36-26; Previous: 8) – First pick Kevin Gausman reveals he eats powdered donuts between innings of his starts. Guessing his favorite pitcher growing up was David Wells.


Chicago
8. Chicago White Sox (34-28; Previous: 6) – Commissioner advises Hawk Harrelson that all subsequent rants should be limited to manager's office, where they're considered "feisty" and "colorful."


Cincinnati
9. Cincinnati Reds (34-27; Previous: 7) – Dusty Baker attempts six-out save by Aroldis Chapman. Next option, make Chapman a starter and begin games at 10:15 p.m.


Los Angeles
10. Los Angeles Angels (34-30; Previous: 15) – Mike Scioscia honored with bobblehead at Dodger Stadium, calls it the "soup de jour" of his time there, requests soda crackers.


Atlanta
11. Atlanta Braves (34-29; Previous: 14) – Imposter crashes Braves' alumni weekend. Also, apparently, catches and bats third.


Pittsburgh
12. Pittsburgh Pirates (32-29; Previous: 20) – Pirates draft Mark Appel, resist temptation of forbidden over-slot bonus.


Cleveland
13. Cleveland Indians (32-29; Previous: 10) – Derek Lowe heaves cooler while getting knocked around against Tigers. Prince Fielder hits it for stand-up double.


New York
14. New York Mets (34-29; Previous: 9) – New Rule: Every ballclub must have a Libertarian, atheist (fine, apatheist), acerbic/enlightened, pot-smoking, hot-tubbing, Palin-hating part-owner. The Mets should have two.


Miami
14. Miami Marlins (32-31; Previous: 5) – Ozzie Guillen has been off Twitter for nearly a month. Can remove patch after six weeks, or whenever shakes subside.


Toronto
16. Toronto Blue Jays (31-32; Previous: 16) – Local TV reporter saddened by Bryce Harper's "Clown question, bro" response, didn't go through four years of circus school to take this kind of abuse.


St. Louis
17. St. Louis Cardinals (32-31; Previous: 13) – Mets sell "reprints" of game tickets from Johan Santana no-hitter over Cardinals, apparently so people can pretend they were there. Third-base umpire Adrian Johnson buys two.


Arizona
18. Arizona Diamondbacks (30-32; Previous: 21) – Kirk Gibson picks up Bob Melvin from airport when struggling A's come to town. Sent limo for rest of team.


Boston
19. Boston Red Sox (31-32; Previous: 17) – Bobby V says watching Stephen Strasburg pitch at Fenway is like "looking at a rainbow," prompting new Sabermetric stat that measures Romantic Optimization Yearning for Gifted Ballplayer In Visitation: ROYGBIV.


Detroit
20. Detroit Tigers (29-33; Previous: 19) – Jose Valverde denies throwing spitter, explains he was simply sweating heavily. Out of his mouth.


Philadelphia
21. Philadelphia Phillies (30-34; Previous: 18) – Charlie Manuel had swagger once. Wife made him stop.


Milwaukee
22. Milwaukee Brewers (28-34; Previous: 24) – So, anybody have a lead yet on the Tony Plush kidnapping?


Oakland
23. Oakland Athletics (28-35; Previous: 23) – A's weigh the benefits of Manny Being Mini.


Minnesota
24. Minnesota Twins (25-36; Previous: 28) – Twins win two of three against Cubs, knew they had this kind of run in them.


Seattle
25. Seattle Mariners (27-37; Previous: 25) – Confusion reigns in publicity photos for Seattle Six when no one can remember what order they pitched in. Or which six it was.


Houston
26. Houston Astros (26-36; Previous: 22) – Marketing department rethinks promotional Jose Altuve growth chart give-away.


Kansas City
27. Kansas City Royals (26-34; Previous: 26) – Zack Greinke returns to KC, catches up with old pals, like, uh, Buddy and That Guy and Dude.


Colorado
28. Colorado Rockies (24-37; Previous: 27) – Poor clubbie can't get any work done, what with all the pitchers asking him to go check again that the humidor really is running.


Chicago
29. Chicago Cubs (21-41; Previous: 29) – Folks on North Side shocked when team fires hitting coach. Had no idea Cubs had one.


San Diego
30. San Diego Padres (22-41; Previous: 30) – Good job! Good, oh, never mind …


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