MLB Power Rankings: Angels solid at the top
On the trouble stockpiling Curly W’s, Clint Hurdle’s poker face and what’s left of the rotation in San Francisco:
The rankings (records through Wednesday):
1. Los Angeles Angels (98-61; Previous: 1) – To combat injuries, Hamilton gets a dozen shots. Feels a little better, but, dang, leaking like a sieve.
2. Baltimore Orioles (95-63; Previous: 2) – Debate over benefits of Adderall ends when Chris Davis lifts pickup truck.
3. Washington Nationals (92-64; Previous: 3) – Nats use up all the Curly W’s, postseason plan is for Shemp W’s.
4. Los Angeles Dodgers (91-68; Previous: 4) – Prospect Joc Pederson makes Wrigleyville coffee run, reminds rookies they will not be handed a big-league job, but must urn it.
5. St. Louis Cardinals (88-71; Previous: 6) – Lackey said to be unhappy about extra rest in regular season’s final week, because, well, he’s happiest when he’s unhappy.
6. Pittsburgh Pirates (86-72; Previous: 11) – Hurdle won’t gamble with bullpen, knows when to Holdzkom.
7. Detroit Tigers (88-70; Previous: 9) – Ausmus dials bullpen number, gets FEMA hotline.
8. Oakland Athletics (86-72; Previous: 8) – A’s lose three times to Jerome Williams, once each when Williams was an Astro, Ranger and Phillie. A’s file restraining order.
9. Kansas City Royals (86-72; Previous: 5) – Salvy explains that he did tag up, but tape was edited.
10. San Francisco Giants (85-73; Previous: 7) – MadBum and Jake and pray for a small quake.
11. Seattle Mariners (83-75; Previous: 10) – Kind of ironic that Fernando Rodney appearances now make Mariners quiver.
12. Cleveland Indians (83-76; Previous: 12) – They call Corey Kluber “Klubot” because he’s half-man, half-kumquat.
13. New York Yankees (81-77; Previous: 14) – So long, Derek Jeter. It was cool.
14. Toronto Blue Jays (81-77; Previous: 13) – Like Dickey’s knuckleball, they show up, flutter around, and then, well, who knows.
15. Milwaukee Brewers (81-77; Previous: 15) – Brewers advised to place air masks on younger players first in case of loss of altitude.
16. Tampa Bay Rays (76-82; Previous: 18) – Rays fail to win 90 for first time since 2009. On bright side, ballpark still has that jaunty tilt.
17. New York Mets (76-81; Previous: 19) – Mets replace UN with Citigroup Center on logo, also Mr. Met with giant Madoff head.
18. Atlanta Braves (77-81; Previous: 16) – Gattis has trouble passing kidney stone. To be fair, kidney stone had big head start.
19. Miami Marlins (75-82; Previous: 17) – Marlins strong improvement making Loria very nervous.
20. San Diego Padres (76-82; Previous: 20) – Is it time to make Padres a sleeper pick for next season yet or do we have to wait until spring training again?
21. Cincinnati Reds (73-85; Previous: 21) – If Jeter wasn’t giving away gift baskets, then Rosie Red would like you to tell her where she got this signed baseball and 8-by-11 photo. Exactly.
22. Chicago White Sox (72-86; Previous: 24) – So long, Paul Konerko. It’s been cool.
23. Philadelphia Phillies (72-86; Previous: 22) – Phillies announce umpire Joe West will also chaperone their Christmas party.
24. Chicago Cubs (71-88; Previous: 25) – On 45th anniversary of black cat, Cubs remind themselves to clean litter box.
25. Houston Astros (69-90; Previous: 23) – Astros hold big party as practice for 2017.
26. Boston Red Sox (69-89; Previous: 26) – Probably best if Jeter doesn’t walk the last few blocks to Fenway Park.
27. Minnesota Twins (68-90; Previous: 27) – If not for Jeter, the first round of 1992 might otherwise be known as the Dan Serafini draft.
28. Colorado Rockies (66-93; Previous: 29) – Everybody talks about reaching the mountaintop. Rockies here to tell them it ain’t that great.
29. Texas Rangers (65-93; Previous: 30) – That’s the way Wash go.
30. Arizona Diamondbacks (63-96; Previous: 28) – In Stewart hire, La Russa counting on intimidation factor in annual all-GM foosball game.
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