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Hot Football Transfer Gossip: Man Utd 'want Morata and Varane for De Gea', Liverpool 'target £8m Robertson', Zlatan 'out for nine months'

You have to feel sorry for Alvaro Morata sometimes. Sure, he does earn an extraordinary amount of money, and have a really beautiful girlfriend, and a great job, and a nice car, and wonderfully firm buttocks. Things could be worse, like. But then again, they could also be so much better.

Because despite being one of Europe’s most effective centre-forwards, Real Madrid – Morata’s beloved hometown club – keep trying to palm him off on other people.

They already did it once by selling him to Juventus (only bringing him back last summer because they had a cheap buyback option), and now he’s being used as a pawn in Real’s pursuit of sexier Premier League stars.

Having already been reportedly offered as a makeweight in a deal to bring Chelsea’s Eden Hazard to the Bernabeu, Morata’s buttocks are now being dangled tantalisingly in front of Jose Mourinho.

The Sun says Morata, along with his team-mate Raphael Varane, could move to Manchester United in a swap deal for David de Gea.

The Red Devils goalkeeper, a long-time target for Los Blancos, has a price tag of £60m, while Morata is valued by Real at £50m and Varane wouldn’t ordinarily leave for less than £30m, so it looks like an optimistic business proposition for United.

Mourinho, however, is said to be “playing hardball” with Madrid and aiming to get “the maximum he can” for De Gea. Which is all well and good, but has anyone thought about Morata’s feelings in all this? He’s not just a piece of meat, for goodness sake.

United are also, according to the Express, “favourites” to sign their former defender Michael Keane. Despite interest in the centre-back from Liverpool, Everton, Tottenham and Arsenal, the 24-year-old would reportedly “jump at the chance” to return to the club that nurtured him. Maybe he should have a word with Alvaro Morata first to see how that worked out for him.

Liverpool are “closing in” on an £8m deal for Hull City left-back Andy Robertson, who will fit in perfectly at Anfield because he much prefers attacking to defending (Mail).

Across Stanley Park, the Telegraph reports that Everton risk missing out on midfield target Youri Tielemans because the £20.9m Anderlecht starlet has caught the eye of Champions League semi-finalists Monaco. After all that business with Romelu Lukaku, that stupid Champions League is ruining Everton’s life right now.

Elsewhere, Barcelona’s Arda Turan is being lined up for a £20m move to Arsenal as a replacement for Mesut Ozil (Sun), Zlatan Ibrahimovic has “almost certainly” made his last appearance for Man Utd after suffering a serious knee injury that will rule him out for nine months (Star) and Cesc Fabregas says departing Chelsea captain John Terry will be “irreplaceable” at Stamford Bridge (Talksport). Which is nice, although to be fair they have already kind of replaced him, haven’t they.

@darlingkevin