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Jurgen Klopp's guide to enjoying a Champions League match from beginning to end

Borussia Dortmund started the Champions League group stage by beating Arsenal 2-0 and Jurgen Klopp couldn't have been happier. "We did what we had to do to win this game and for us, it was near perfection," he said afterwards. "I enjoyed this game from the first second to the last. It’s hard work all the time but when you see games like this, it’s the best job in the world.”

This degree of pure bliss is rare in life, let alone in football. So how was Klopp able to achieve it for 90 whole minutes? By following these steps...

1. Dress comfortably

(AP Photo/Martin Meissner)
(AP Photo/Martin Meissner)

Most manager opt for a smart, well tailored suit on European nights, but this just plays into the enormity of the event. Instead, Klopp dressed like a college student on his third consecutive day of skipping classes to binge watch Breaking Bad — unshaven and wearing a hoodie, track bottoms and fluorescent tennis shoes. Not only did this ensure his own physical comfort, but it likely made his counterpart, Arsene Wenger, feel stuffy and overdressed. More conscious of the tight collar chafing his neck and envious of Klopp's defiantly casual luxury. It's a mind game wrapped in a poly-cotton blend.

2. Glorious surroundings

(Photo by David Price/Arsenal FC via Getty Images)
(Photo by David Price/Arsenal FC via Getty Images)

Atmosphere is important. Even your favorite meal prepared by the best chef in the world is going to taste awful if you're eating it in a public bathroom, surrounded by recently fired circus clowns silently breathing through their mouths. The Westfalenstadion, with its Yellow Wall, boasts one of the most life affirming environments in football. And the only clowns were those disguised as the opposition. Which leads us to...

3. Play against Arsenal

(Photo by Friedemann Vogel/Bongarts/Getty Images)
(Photo by Friedemann Vogel/Bongarts/Getty Images)

Beating up on a small club from a modest nation that's just happy to be involved is no fun. To truly enjoy a Champions League match, the opponent must be a big club. The only problem with this is that big clubs can hurt you. That's why Arsenal are the ideal opponent. They always have a long list of crippling injuries, Mesut Ozil disappoints, Danny Welbeck doesn't finish his chances, and an assortment of other calamities and misfortunes inevitably crop up. Sadly, this means that Arsenal can never truly enjoy the Champions League, but fans of the club already knew this.

4. Try to open your mouth as wide as you possibly can from time to time

(Photo by Alexandre Simoes/Borussia Dortmund/Getty Images)
(Photo by Alexandre Simoes/Borussia Dortmund/Getty Images)

This might seem like a weird one. Klopp does it a lot though, so it must have some sort of beneficial qualities. Just be careful not to completely unhinge your jaw while doing it because a trip to the hospital is a quick way to ruin everything.

5. Zone out

(Photo by Friedemann Vogel/Bongarts/Getty Images)
(Photo by Friedemann Vogel/Bongarts/Getty Images)

It can be easy to over think things and lose sight of true happiness. So to know euphoria at a Kloppian level, you need to turn off the source of doubt and worry and just feel the universe. This is how you savor the fleeting moments of perfection. This is how you Klopp.

6. Hugs 

(AP Photo/Frank Augstein)
(AP Photo/Frank Augstein)

To cap off the experience, there must be a lot of hearty, satisfying hugs. This is perhaps the most important step of them all. And Ciro Immobile totally agrees.

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Brooks Peck

is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter!