Buzzing on Yahoo Sports:

Dirty Tackle

Jose Mourinho teaches 200 American coaches the ‘Mourinho Way’

Dirty Tackle

View photo

.

Jose Mourinho imparts his vast knowledge. (Real Madrid)

While Real Madrid were training at UCLA, Jose Mourinho was gracious enough to teach a two-hour class entitled the "Mourinho Way" at the university. With help from his backroom staff and a powerpoint presentation, Mourinho imparted his wisdom upon 200 American coaches.

"There is not just one or two reasons [for his success]. There are a lot of factors and they must work in unison," he told his students. From RealMadrid.com:

From this point José Mourinho then covered essential topics such charismatic leadership, dividing and spreading the workload, intellectual stimulation, etc., all aspects that are "crucial for the evolution and success of the group". With regard to teamwork, the coach explored the topic in depth for some time, but not without making a joke or two along the way: "I'm not even the boss at home, that's my wife. How am I supposed to run my club? When everyone grows in the same direction and I can see they are doing so, I'm very happy and everything is much easier".

Those of you who could not attend this seminar are in luck, though. Since we have transcribed the key points Mourinho shared. Here's what he said...

"For all of you, trying to be special will not be easy. But for me it is very easy. I will tell you exactly how I do it because I know that even with these steps, none of you will be able to compare to me.

"Step 1: Take Ricardo Carvalho wherever you go. Moving to a new club? Take Ricardo Carvalho. Going to see a movie? Take Ricardo Carvalho. Appointment with the podiatrist? Take Ricardo Carvalho. Going to Inter? Don't take Ricardo Carvalho. This is the exception that makes the rule. Also, he hates veal milanese like Arsene Wenger hates spending money.

"Step 2: Engage in so many mind games that your toughest opponent decides to leave football entirely even though he is younger than you and has been extremely successful in a short amount of time with the club he loves more than all others. Good night, Pepper-plant.

"Step 3: Let Rafa Benitez swim in your wake. When Rafa takes over a club after you, what you did will suddenly look even better than it already was. This is the magic of Rafa. And he has more conspiracy theories than Mel Gibson character in the movie Conspiracy Theory.

"Step 4: Don't be afraid to poke people in the eye. Who knows. One day they could be manager of Barcelona. Best to instill a fear of your poke now."

"Step 5: Tell Pepe that each of your opponents killed one of his pets when he was a child and that he must get his revenge. Step 5A: Laugh when he does it. Hahahahahahaha.

"Step 6: Are you Jose Mourinho? Of course not. Only I am Jose Mourinho and therefore only I am the Special One. So all of you should stop wasting your time and do something else. Go next door and take a cooking class. Make me something delicious to eat. But for the love of all that is good, do not make veal milanese because Ricardo Carvalho will freak out on you."

View Comments (19)