EPIX Road To The NHL Stadium Series: Puck Daddy's viewing guide to Kings, Sharks
The novelty for EPIX doing documentaries on the NHL’s road to wherever has officially worn off. But that doesn’t mean we don’t want more.
With the subscription network’s ‘hockumentary’ cherry already popped on its “Road to the NHL Winter Classic” series get ready for more. Tuesday, EPIX will premiere “Road to the NHL Stadium Series” which will be the same as its “Road to the NHL Winter Classic” except California style. Bring out the shades and Katy Perry in advance of the Feb. 21 game at Levi's Stadium in Santa Clara between the San Jose Sharks and Los Angeles Kings.
No, this won’t be like the SNL skit ‘The Californians’ though imagining Darryl Sutter in a fake soap opera is inviting.
It will likely be more of the same from what EPIX did for the Washington Capitals and Chicago Blackhawks. In spite of its non-musical beginnings, EPIX did a good job in its first foray into the land of the NHL.
And this should be better. Why? Because Cali baby! Teams are more laid back. While there’s internal pressure around these squads to win, there’s a looser vibe with the Kings and the Sharks.
The media crush is less. They play on their own little bubble in Pacific Time. Plus of course an unfiltered view into the lives of Sutter and GM Dean Lombardi? Oh man … buckle your seatbelts. Here we go!
Top Three Potential Breakout Stars
1. Brent Burns, San Jose Sharks
Has the potential to become the next Ilya Bryzgalov, if Ilya Bryzgalov was an oddly-dressed lumberjack who handles snakes.
2. Matt Greene, Los Angeles kings
The team’s preeminent goofball. We’d actually like to hear a running commentary track from him.
3. Tomas Hertl, San Jose Sharks
Not the greatest of seasons for Hertl, but if his adorable social media presence is any indication, he could break the cute-o-meter on EPIX.
Three “24/7”-esque Clichés We Can’t Wait To See Transferred To California
1. The owner of one of the teams donates a new asphalt roller hockey rink to local children.
2. The teams have a Valentine’s Day skating party with friends and family.
3. Every meal with teammates is shot at an outdoor café like in “The Hills.”
Top three images we desperately want to see
1. Darryl Sutter photos during cattle birthing season
Sutter famously was unable to join the Kings in a hasty manner following Terry Murray’s ouster because of his Alberta cattle operation. There has to be some sort of photo montage EPIX will show of him pulling a Billy Crystal birthing Norman the cow a la “City Slickers” while Sutter is on his ranch. After all they don’t call him the ‘Jolly Rancher’ for nothing.
2. Doug Wilson doing ‘Gym Tan Laundry’
Wilson is the NHL’s equivalent of Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino from the MTV reality show “Jersey Shore.” And we mean this in the most flattering way possible. Dude is 57 years old, looks like he’s about 45 and still built like a rock. Also, his tan is impeccable. How does he stay so young looking? Fountain of youth? Tanning bed? We will get answers!
3. Jarret Stoll and Erin Andrews on a date
You’d think hockey players who play in Los Angeles would mostly date movie stars. Not this Kings team, at least publicly. But Stoll has the highest-profile companion in Andrews, a Fox Sports personality and Probiotics push person. Where do they eat? What do they talk about? What do they do? Is sports involved?
Top three ‘Most California’ events that must occur
1. Kings players doing ‘cool stuff’ at Manhattan Beach
It’s a known fact that most of the Kings players live in Manhattan Beach. It’s a gorgeous spot for rich, young Canadians who want to live next to an ocean in temperate environs. Please can we see Jeff Carter on a paddleboard?
2. Brent Burns goes hiking in the Redwood National and State Parks
Send him into his natural habitat. Make him search for Bigfoot. Or at very least, see the more human side of Burns with his family. Burns is easily mocked because of his style choices. This is a good spot to show more personality … in a totally gnarly/rustic NorCal way.
3. Hockey players put ‘the’ in front of interstate references
California is known for its incredible … traffic. And SoCal residents always put ‘the’ in front of interstate names. Want to know if Drew Doughty has assimilated to life in Los Angeles? Let him tell us his route on how to get from home to practice at the Toyota Center in El Segundo.
Top three feuds we want to see documented
1. Doug Wilson vs. Dean Lombardi
Both of these managers couldn’t be more different. Wilson is a perfectly manicured former jock. Lombardi has a law degree and is the ultimate braniac/grinder GM. They both want the same goal, but go about them in different ways.
2. The Sharks locker room vs. Doug Wilson and Todd McLellan
Over the summer, the Sharks brass removed Joe Thornton’s captain’s ‘C’ which is always a recipe for awkwardness. Did this create a rift in the room towards management or the coaching staff? Is that room like a captaincy “Hunger Games”? Who was responsible? What do #theplayers think?
3. Dan Craig v. the weather
The NHL’s ice guru can apparently do his thing from anywhere. Good luck in Santa Clara where the average February high temperature is 62 degrees and the average precipitation is 3.22 inches per Weather.com It’s not so much the temps that are the issues as the possible misty rain, which does happen in February in the Bay Area.
Top Three Things We Want To See Joe Thornton Take Out Of His Pants After Four Goals
1. A flashing goal light
2. A live rooster
3. Tomas Hertl
Top Three “24/7”-esque Narration Clichés We Want To Hear Californicated
1. “There’s this … thing … about groves.”
2. “It was like they were young again. Playing hockey on a frozen pond, with mild temperatures and a palm tree nearby.”
3. “It’s more than a game. It’s a rivalry. OK, maybe not as good as the rivalry between the Ducks and Kings, but a rivalry nonetheless.”
Top Three People Who Could Claim The F-Bomb Title
1. Todd McLellan
2. Drew Doughty
3. Daryl Sutter (but only if we can hear his inner monologue)
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Josh Cooper is an editor for Puck Daddy on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at puckdaddyblog@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter! Follow @joshuacooper
Additional contribition by Greg Wyshynski
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