Dear Mr. President,
From the front of the White House to your victory rally in Chicago that began way too late for us East Coast elitists, the chant echoed: Four More Years!
Four more years of what? That's depends one's expectations and politics. For us, it's four more years to finally end your inexplicable absence from attending a National Hockey League game.
Mr. President, since your inauguration, the Washington Capitals have played 141 regular-season home games at Verizon Center, which is within walking distance from the White House for you and the hundred or so security personnel that would accompany you on such a walk. They've also played 23 playoff games — including one against the Boston Bruins which you attended in spirit.
You've been given Brooks Orpik's number by the Pittsburgh Penguins, joked about Patrick Kane's playoff mullet and welcomed most of the Bruins to the White House for Stanley Cup celebrations, with another one on the way for the Los Angeles Kings. (Word of advice: "Dow-dee," not "Doty.")
You also were the only major presidential candidate to boldly speak out against the NHL lockout, further alienating Southern U.S. constituencies.
And your campaign slogan is named for a position on the ice. Just sayin'…
[Nick Cotsonika: Chasing the dream in KHL after years on NHL fringe]
Conversely, hockey was good to you, Mr. President. Look at your electoral map. There are 23 American teams in the NHL; 18 of those markets were in blue states last night, if we factor in Florida. We're talking hockey hotbeds: New England, Minnesota, Michigan and Wisconsin. This is not exactly college baseball territory.
Frankly, the NHL could use the rub, Mr. President. When the lockout ends, some fans will be as apathetic as an independent voter who supported you in 2008 and others will be as angry as a tea party member waiting in line at the post office.
Here in D.C., where fans have been trying to get you to Barack The Red for years, the Capitals are off the sports radar; and RGIII's 'new hotness' has turned Alex Ovechkin into 'old and busted'.
Remember how Clinton made you seem flourishing and relatable just by showing up? The NHL could use a little of that.
We know you can find that arena, having attended a Washington Wizards game during your time in office, as well as a Washington Mystics game. We say again: You attended a WNBA game before attending an NHL game. Granted, the Capitals couldn't match their attendance banners.
[The Vent: Fan boycotts & lockout insanity]
So congrats on four more years of NHL games that you might attend, Mr. President. Here in D.C. Back in Chicago. Really, anywhere. (We'll assume you won't be going to a Blue Jackets game because there's no compelling reason to visit Ohio anymore. Also, they stink.)
Have John Kerry take you and explain what it's like to take a stick to the face. Have Mike Quigley take you and involve the Wounded Warriors project. Go to a game in Newark with Robert Menendez and Frank Lautenberg to make Cory Booker feel left out.
Oh, what the heck: Reach across the aisle and watch a game with Tim Thomas. And have the government pay for the tickets, because that would be hilarious.
Really, sir, just attend a game. (Bring Michelle; two words: Kiss-Cam.)
Or send Biden. Respectfully, he's got a better mouth for the cheap seats than you.