Create-a-Caption: 'Nice try, so-called news media'

"Five years and $45 million for my buddy Mike? Pfffff. Next thing, you'll be telling me that Cliff Lee lost two games in the World Series and Austrian prisoners love the exact same TV shows as me. You would have a hard time convincing me to believe that contract even if I wasn't a member of The Committee for Skeptical Inquiry, which I am, so you will have an even harder time."

Are you pondering what Greg Oden(notes) is pondering? Best caption wins a "Perot '96? Yeah right!" keychain. (Hey, go vote today, America!) Good luck.

In our last adventure: I don't know how you all see it, but when it comes to the children, Anderson Varejao is for the children.

Winner, Master Seuss: Varejao: "Hahaha. C'mon, Mo, you know I'm useless on offense. You take the ball."

Runner-up, derosco inyoface: Kid: "Thanks for keeping your talents at Lake Erie. You do have talents, right?"

Second runner-up, Grant: You just know that if Varejao hangs around a little longer, this kid will dunk on him like Dwyane Wade(notes).