Rough week for Le'Veon owners, Shakira and the NFC South
It’s a dark time in America, friends. We need positivity in our lives today. So here’s some positivity: if you’re not on this list, you didn’t have the worst week in the NFL. We give you: the Sorry Six.
The rules here are simple: these are the six teams, players, units, coaches or fan bases that turned in the sorriest performances of the week. They’re not necessarily the worst in the league, but they ought to be ashamed of themselves. (Note that the Giants, Browns and Raiders are no longer eligible on account of being sub-sorry.) We begin with a team that’s probably surprised to be here …
1. Carolina Panthers
Mike Tyson’s got that famous line about how everyone’s got a plan until they get punched in the head, and oh man, did the Panthers take a shot from Pittsburgh last week. The Steelers dropped half a hundred on Carolina, who went from playoff favorite to playoff fraud in about 15 minutes.
2. Cincinnati Bengals
Second, the Bengals, who also allowed more than 50 points. Look, Cincinnati must wake up every morning and thank heaven for Cleveland, because they assume that as long as the Browns exist, the Bengals won’t be the worst orange team in the state of Ohio. But hey, guess what — the Browns are suddenly dangerous, and the Bengals look like chumps.
3. Atlanta Falcons
And hey, speaking of the Browns, how about the team they beat last week? After the unexpected thumping at the hands of Cleveland, Falcons players admitted that they were looking past Cleveland. That’s not a sin! Everybody looks past Cleveland! Just don’t admit it! Go full Belichick and answer no questions at all!
4. Le’Veon Bell’s fantasy owners
Look, even though he’s not playing at all this year, Le’Veon Bell’s going to be fine. Sure, he played himself here; he went full Teddy KGB and ended up losing out on $14 million, money he’ll never see again. But he’ll sign a monster deal next year and be fine. Spare a thought, though, for the poor fantasy owners who used their first-round pick on Bell and are now scrambling just to make the playoffs. They’re the real victims here.
5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Tampa Bay somehow managed to run up 501 yards of offense and netted exactly three points last week. How’s that even possible? Don’t you think you’d somehow just stumble into the end zone if you had that many yards? Or were they just going in circles, like Boy Scouts lost in the woods? Man, what a weird season in Tampa.
6. Shakira
And finally, Shakira! Why? Because it was her concert in Mexico City’s Estadio Azteca that ruined the grass that forced the NFL to move Monday night’s monster Chiefs-Rams game to Los Angeles. Oh sure, we could blame Shakira’s apparently spike-shoed fans, or we could blame soccer, or we could blame the grounds crew, or we could blame the NFL for not anticipating this, but where’s the fun in facts? It’s all Shakira’s fault, and she’s probably stomped her way out of a future Super Bowl halftime spot as a result.
And that’ll do it for this week’s Sorry Six! Congrats to all the teams that made it, and even more congrats to those that didn’t. Got comments? Hit us up by email or find us on Twitter at @jaybusbee. Catch you next week, and remember … never be sorry.
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Jay Busbee is a writer for Yahoo Sports. Contact him at jay.busbee@yahoo.com or find him on Twitter or on Facebook.
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