MLB Power Rankings: Rangers, Mets headed in opposite directions

MLB columnist
Yahoo Sports

I’m really, really worried about your team.

The rankings (records through Wednesday’s games):

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1. Houston Astros (31-16; Previous: 3): Three years since Sports Illustrated said they’d win in ’17, and now everything feels a little stale.

2. Washington Nationals (28-17; Previous: 2): Teddy Roosevelt’s head is getting waaay too big.

3. New York Yankees (27-17; Previous: 1): Before being seated in The Judge’s Chambers, fans must wait in Jonathan Holder’s cell.

4. Colorado Rockies (31-17; Previous: 5): They don’t know what a banquet beer is either.

5. Los Angeles Dodgers (27-20; Previous: 6): Having a hard time remembering whose turn it is for the 10-day DL. Is it alphabetical or what?

6. Arizona Diamondbacks (29-19; Previous: 10): Kicking themselves for not drafting current Yankees’ outfielder in ’13, could’ve had Judge and Drury.

7. Baltimore Orioles (25-20; Previous: 4): If you’re around the team for more than three or four years that whole “Got your nose” thing from Showalter gets tedious.

8. Milwaukee Brewers (25-21; Previous: 17): Thames now serving blood and urine in Big Gulp sizes.

Texas has jumped up in the Power Rankings and AL West standings. (Getty Images)
Texas has jumped up in the Power Rankings and AL West standings. (Getty Images)

9. Texas Rangers (24-23; Previous: 20): Carlos Gomez celebrates cycle by buying it a new basket and bell.

10. Cleveland Indians (24-21; Previous: 8): Team field trip to Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, now everybody’s calling their bats “axes.” A little annoying.

11. Minnesota Twins (25-18; Previous: 15): They can see your skepticism; it’s written all over your power rankings.

12. Chicago Cubs (24-21; Previous: 9): New T-shirt, demanding “Embrace the Suck,” taken as a compliment by guy who vacuums clubhouse.

13. St. Louis Cardinals (23-20; Previous: 11): New dietary supplements arrived: The Cardinal Whey.

14. Boston Red Sox (24-21; Previous: 7): Ortiz keeps calling about his cleaning deposit.

15. Tampa Bay Rays (24-25; Previous: 18): Every time manager does a set in weight room he stands, flexes and bellows, “I am the Cash machine.”

16. Detroit Tigers (22-23; Previous: 16): While bullpen one Wilson short of full can, still open outfield door with that cool pssst-vrrak sound.

17. Los Angeles Angels (25-24; Previous: 22): Trout confused over whether he has to carry one at a time or all 24 at once.

18. Chicago White Sox (20-25; Previous: 14): As trade deadline approaches, Robertson and Frazier are trying to look as cute as possible in the shop window.

19. Cincinnati Reds (22-24; Previous: 12): Rotation is like one of those small-guy basketball leagues – ERAs 6 and under, you’re in.

20. Pittsburgh Pirates (21-26; Previous: 23): Club explains to rookies it’s not The Steal City so to watch their leads.

21. San Francisco Giants (20-28; Previous: 27): During card games rookie infielder keeps shouting, “I got Arroyo flush!”

22. Atlanta Braves (20-24; Previous: 29): New ballpark, and Snitker keeps forgetting which switches turn on which lights.

23. Oakland Athletics (21-25; Previous: 24): Frankly sometimes the white shoes feel a little too dressy.

24. Toronto Blue Jays (21-26; Previous: 28): Bautista laundry flips never land in hamper.

Matt Harvey continues to struggle for the New York Mets. (Getty Images)
Matt Harvey continues to struggle for the New York Mets. (Getty Images)

25. New York Mets (19-25; Previous: 13): Seriously, Harvey’s only going to get a few more chances. Like, 40 tops. Maybe 50.

26. Seattle Mariners (20-27; Previous: 19): Not to worry, nothing a few more trades can’t fix.

27. Kansas City Royals (19-27; Previous: 30): Can’t believe they didn’t think of that whole ribs-on-a-burger thing.

28. Philadelphia Phillies (15-29; Previous: 25): Phanatic keeps asking guys to “Catch my knuckler,” which is just a lobbed throw and has all kinds of spin.

29. Miami Marlins (16-29; Previous: 21): On day of sale, players invited to bring along anything in their garages they don’t want.

30. San Diego Padres (17-31; Previous: 26): Rule 5 guys are really vague on Rules 1 through 4.

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