Myles Garrett copes with uncle's death on Christmas as Cleveland Browns beat New York Jets

CLEVELAND — Myles Garrett was dealing with a paradox as the clock passed midnight and Thursday night became Friday morning.

His professional life had just seen one of its signature moments, as the Browns clinched a playoff berth with a 37-20 win over the New York Jets on Thursday night. However, on the inside, Garrett, the All-Pro defensive end, was dealing with a kind of acute personal pain, the kind one only feels with the loss of someone truly close to them.

For Garrett, it was the loss of his uncle, Chris Johnson. Johnson — the brother of Garrett's mom, Audrey — died on Christmas night.

"Sometimes you got to put on a little bit of a mask even though you don't want to," Garrett said after the game. "I'm happy for my teammates and that's honest and true and that'll always be how I feel. This team, it's unlike any other. I'm always proud to be a Brown and be a part of a special organization. I know that feeling how I feel doesn't feel right without C.J. I know even though he's watching it, it's a little bit different. It's not the same."

Garrett was listed on the Browns injury report as having not practiced on Wednesday, the day before the Jets game. The reason give was "personal."

The decision to play Thursday night was something Garrett left up to the person arguably even closer to Johnson than he was, his mom. It's also the person whom Garrett trusts the most to help him through difficult time.

"If she needed me I'd have been gone in a second," Garrett said. "Football's great. I love this team, love the Browns, but I only got one mom. I'm hopefully going to have many more games, many more years, but there's only one C.J. and there's only one mom. If she needed me, I'm always going to be there for her just like she is for me."

Myles Garrett: How the Browns star is embracing a journey of personal growth

Garrett did his best to put that mask on once he arrived at the stadium for Thursday's game. He was, as usual, active even beyond the traditional statistics, flipping between the right and left side of the Browns defensive line.

The incessant talk about the lack of an "official" sack since the fourth quarter of the Week 11 win over the Pittsburgh Steelers ended when he put Jets quarterback Trevor Siemian on the ground with about six minutes remaining in the second quarter. Beyond that, he was credited with four quarterback hits, a tackle for loss and three combined tackles.

"I mean, it felt good," Garrett said. "It felt good. Got a lot on my mind. I've been dealing with some things that really haven't been able to sit down and contemplate or almost even accept, but just trying to be in the moment. Just trying to take in this blessing that it is to be in the playoffs. The great team, great group of guys and filled with men with passion and ambition."

Garrett last saw Johnson during Thanksgiving. In the time between that holiday and Christmas, he underwent an undisclosed procedure, but Garrett said he "heard everything went well."

A little more than a month later, a day after another holiday when family is the central focus, Garrett learned that Johnson had passed away.

"The day after Christmas, to get a call from my brother, and, I mean, I couldn't believe it and still hard to believe," Garrett said. "I mean, I was speechless then, and I really just don't know how to put into words now. I've had headaches just daily just because I don't know how to handle it emotionally, so it just comes out in different ways, just pains and sometimes in like a fog."

That existed even as Garrett tried to use the time doing what he does as well as anyone in the NFL as a means to provide a bit of a respite. However, part of what allowed him to get through it was through the examples he had seen from his fellow teammates.

Part of what has defined this Browns team's path to the playoffs has been an unwillingness to flinch in the face of adversity. The team, even against the Jets, had dealt with crippling injuries that left everyone to keep hold of the rope and continue to pull in the same direction even as all was crashing around them.

In that, Garrett found his own push toward perseverance.

"Just trying to make sure that I was focused on the task at hand, but it was just difficult," Garrett said. "I'm not going to make excuses for anything that I did, or not playing up to my standard or our standard, but just got to overcome. That's what this year's been about — overcoming adversity and resilience — and everyone's facing in their own way, and now I've got to be able to do it my own just as well as many others have."

Chris Easterling can be reached at ceasterling@thebeaconjournal.com. Read more about the Browns at www.beaconjournal.com/sports/browns. Follow him on Twitter at @ceasterlingABJ

This article originally appeared on Akron Beacon Journal: Myles Garrett copes with death of uncle on Christmas as Browns win