AUGUSTA, Ga. — If you know nothing else about the Masters at Augusta National, you know these two eternal truths: the course is beautiful, and the food’s cheap.
You’re on your own for getting onto the course – you need to either win the annual ticket lottery, make friends with a badgeholder, or start saving now for the 2028 tournament. Here’s the good news, though: once you arrive, you’re not going to spend much on food. You can feed a family of four for the price of a couple stadium beers.
When it's time to make your selections, though, which way do you turn? You know about the pimento cheese sandwiches, but let us introduce you to some of Augusta National's hidden food gems. We've sampled all of these — not all at one time; getting revived by a Masters-branded defibrillator is not an Augusta National experience we desired — and we have the definitive rundown of all 31 menu items in 2022 for you here. Let's begin:
31. Egg salad sandwich ($1.50): The worst. Who wants egg salad while walking a golf course in spring? People will try to tell you this is the best Masters sandwich. These people have spent too much time huffing azaleas. The inexplicable popularity of this gooey sandwich is one of Augusta National’s enduring mysteries, right up there with “hey, where are all the squirrels?”
30. Apple slices ($1.00): Apple slices in Augusta are not imbued with mystical energy. They’re just apple slices.
29. Banana ($1.00): It’s a banana. You may be tempted to see if you can skip it across the pond at the 16th hole. We strongly advise you to resist that temptation.
28. Fresh Mixed Fruit ($2.00): Knock back a little plastic tub of fruit in the morning and it totally offsets the seven sandwiches, brownies and beer you have the rest of the day.
27. Peanuts ($1.50): Masters-branded peanuts are snacks for the unadventurous. If this is your choice, everything else better be sold out.
26. Masters Blend Fresh Brewed Coffee ($2.00): Useful for getting the pulse rate up on a cold Augusta morning, but knock it back and get on to the beer.
25. White Wine (chardonnay) ($6.00): There are places at Augusta National that serve perfectly chilled wine from vineyards you’ve never known existed in crystal glasses worth more than your car. You are not invited to these places. Take this in your souvenir plastic cup and don’t make a scene.
24. Fresh Brewed Iced Tea ($2.00): The “Arnold Palmer” isn’t on the menu, but you can grab a lemonade and a tea and do a little on-the-fly mixology of your own.
23. Ham & Cheese on Rye ($3.00): Like your mom used to make you before school, but wrapped in green cellophane instead of a Zip-Loc bag. And Mom probably wouldn't let you get a draft beer with it.
22. Muffin ($1.50): Best eaten when you're rapidly walking — no running! — to post up at Amen Corner early in the morning.
21. Chicken Salad on Brioche ($3.00): Ooooh, fancy. Pretty much the same knocks as egg salad, but actual chicken is always better than pre-chicken.
20. Cookies ($1.50): Your basic range of chocolate chip, white chocolate, macadamia nut ... all perfectly chewy and delicious. But as with the peanuts, go with something fancier. You're at Augusta.
19. Beer (domestic light) ($5.00): This is a brand you've heard of, and probably consumed, many hundreds of times. Augusta National doesn't permit brands to use their own names, but if you like your standard American light beer, you'll enjoy this one.
18. Sausage Biscuit ($3.00): Throw down a couple of these right when you arrive and you'll have the fuel for the walk up 18 later in the day.
17. Bottled Water ($2.00): Always hydrate. Plus, this comes in a cute Masters-branded bottle. The water was not bottled in Rae's Creek. Probably.
16. Chicken Biscuit ($2.00): Straightforward chicken on a biscuit. Does the job just fine. A no-birdie, no-bogey round of a breakfast entree.
15. Beer (import) ($5.00): Another brand you know well, with a slightly crisper taste. Look, it's cold beer at a golf course. You know it's going to be good.
14. Chocolate Toffee Brownie ($1.50): Oh yeah, here we go. Getting into the heart of the order now. A nuclear warhead of calories, a delicious annihilation of your diet for a week.
13. Masters Chips (plain/bbq) ($1.50): Pro tip: they're just chips, but your friends who didn't make the trip won't know that. Buy 10 bags of these things, distribute them as souvenirs, and skip the enormous line and even more enormous tab at the merchandise marketplace.
12. Classic Chicken Sandwich ($3.00): Augusta National is not going to win the Chicken Wars with this sandwich. Related note: Augusta National does not care about the Chicken Wars.
11. Advil/Aleve ($0.50): Buy a fistful of these. You'll need them after a long day of walking the course.
10. Masters Club ($3.00): Strong combination of turkey, ham, cheese and mustard, a fine little protein bomb to get you through the midafternoon lull.
9. Pimento Cheese ($1.50): Old-timers will tell you the old pimento cheese was better, but old-timers say that about everything. This is the Tiger Woods of the Masters food menu, the one everyone needs to check out for themselves. And like Tiger Woods, it's a little further down on the leaderboard than its reputation would suggest.
8. Masters Trail Mix ($1.50): Your standard mix of nuts and dried fruit. Like everything else at Augusta National, you'll tear right through it and want another immediately.
7. Mini Moon Pie ($1.00): If you've never had the southern delicacy that is a Moon Pie, start here. The fact that you'll need to unwrap each one will slightly slow you from eating several dozen at once.
6. Crow’s Nest Beer ($5.00): The "house beer" of Augusta National, it's got a familiar wheat beer taste. Bonus points because it comes in its own branded distinctive green plastic cup, and having distinctive Masters merch that you can show off to folks back home is part of the joy of attending the Masters in the first place.
5. Georgia Pecan Caramel Popcorn ($1.50): It's the Masters' variant on Cracker Jack, and like Cracker Jack at a ballpark, you can inhale it.
4. Soda/Lemonade/Sports Drink ($2.00): The "cola" and "lemon lime" and "sports drink" are all familiar brands under generic names. This gets ranked so highly because you can Frankenstein your own Masters delicacy: the "Stand 12," a combination of "blue sports drink" and lemonade, with a splash of "lemon lime soda" between them. They won't make it for you anymore at the concession stands, but there's no law against making it yourself. A perfect drink.
3. Georgia Salty Pecan Caramel Cluster ($1.50): It's like a trip to Amen Corner for your mouth! Salty and sweet, this is the kind of delicacy that you try once and realize that it's a good thing you don't have unlimited access to it all year long.
2. Bar-B-Que ($3.00): The finest example of a food that tastes so much better on the grounds of Augusta National than it would anywhere else on earth. Straightforward tomato-based pork barbecue in a warm, soft bun, it's strong on its own and transcendent when you throw a spread of pimento cheese in there.
1. Georgia Pecan Caramel Chocolate ($1.50): This one hits all the marks of a perfect Masters item: sweet, Southern and inexpensive enough that you can grab a fistful ... if you can find them. Like the Masters garden gnomes, it vanishes from shelves in a hurry every day. I'm not saying you should get up before dawn to grab one of these gems, but I'm not saying you shouldn't, either.
RIP for 2022: Peach Ice Cream Sandwich: The GOAT of Masters snacks. Soft peach ice cream between two chewy sugar cookies, it was absolutely the finest item on the menu. Absent because of some alleged, unspecified "supply chain issues," it's more missed at Augusta National than Phil Mickelson. Hurry back soon, Peach Ice Cream Sandwich. The world needs you.
There you have it. You could buy the entire menu for about $100, but we really wouldn't recommend it. Enjoy the Masters, friends.
Jay Busbee is a writer for Yahoo Sports. Follow him on Twitter at @jaybusbee or contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org