‘Full of emotions’: Shore freshman faced team coached by her father in D-I college soccer first

For Rian Stainton, the question was always the same after every game growing up.

"I would look at her and I'd be like, Do you want me to talk to you as a coach or a dad?" explained her father, Rick Stainton. "Because I firmly believe there is a slight difference."

Growing up with two soccer savants as parents, it was important to distinguish between the dual roles during Rian's upbringing as a promising athlete.

"We always say it to separate it in that way, because sometimes I didn't want the coaching, I just wanted my dad's side of it," said Rian, 18. "It was definitely a very influential household. And I feel like we managed to separate it very well."

But on Sept. 21, there was only one option: coach. And that coach was on the opposite sideline, trying to ensure his daughter didn't score a goal.

Rian, who starred at Brick Township High School, is a freshman on the Iona University women's soccer team. Rick is the head women's soccer coach at University of Maryland Baltimore County. And on that fateful evening, their two teams faced off in what is believed to be the first such instance of a father coaching against his daughter in an NCAA Division I soccer game. Although earlier this season there was a daughter vs. mother meeting as Auburn's Sammie Brown played against her mom, West Virginia coach Nikki Izzo-Brown.

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Rick said the idea was first suggested by Rian's head coach at Iona, Todd Plourde.

"When I first got this job, her college coach instantly texted me and was like, Iona versus UMBC?" Rick said. "I was like just let me check with my daughter because obviously, I respect her feelings and stuff. And he's like, 'Already talked to her. She wants to play.'"

They agreed to a pair of games at each school, beginning with a matchup at UMBC this fall. But while this historically rare occurrence has raised the notoriety of both coach and player, it's also been an exception to Rian's efforts to not draw attention to herself and her parents.

Rian's mom Amy DeValue: 'On her own merit'

"She never wanted it to be perceived that her dad and I were giving her any advantage," said Amy DeValue, Rian's mom and a former standout soccer player at Monmouth University. "It's always been on her own merit."

Of course, her parents' background was undoubtedly a source of inspiration from a young age. DeValue was inducted into the Monmouth Athletics Hall of Fame in 2012. She is second in career goals at the university, trailing only former teammate and former U.S. Women's National Team captain Christie Pearce.

When Rian was 10, the whole family was featured in the New York Times' coverage of the parade celebrating the U.S. victory after the 2015 Women's World Cup.

The young athletic prodigy's goals were clear, but the journey to get there was opaque. Just a few years after that parade celebration, she was cut from her sixth grade soccer team.

"She came home, she was devastated," said DeValue. "Pretty much Rick and I said, 'Okay, that means you're just not good enough. Get out, get more touches. Work harder. Outwork everybody.'"

By the time Rian was in eighth grade, she was team captain and also made the New Jersey Olympic Development Program. It was during that time when she met her "soccer sister" and close friend, Cheyenne Payne.

"I started playing with Rian when I was in seventh grade," said Payne, who went on to play at Donovan Catholic High School in Toms River. "I've grown up with her not only as a person but also as a player. So I got to see her development which has been awesome and we kind of developed together. As a player she's very smart, very savvy. Just plays very simple. She's very good in the air, especially for her size."

As a 5-foot-3 midfielder, Rian has always faced bigger, stronger players on her journey to becoming a Division I soccer player even while making great strides in her youth career. She and Cheyenne joined a team at the elite Players Development Academy .

"I am on the smaller side," Rian acknowledged. "We would always say that it's not the size of the dog, it's the fight in the dog. And even though I might not be physically as tall or strong, I've always had a presence."

She starred for Brick Township in soccer, basketball and lacrosse during her high school years. Heading into her senior year, Rian proactively sought out the next step in her athletic career collegiately. Cheyenne explained how her childhood teammate and friend was always on top of every aspect of college selection. Rian crafted emails to coaches and took visits, and her work ethic on and off the field paid off when she committed to Iona early on in her recruiting process.

"When she was doing her college process, I never interfered," Rick said. "She never wanted me to pick up the phone and call any coach or use my contacts."

Iona assistant coach Mike Martino was the coach who first discovered Rian to initiate the recruiting process. And it took a call to Georgetown, where Rick was an assistant, for the staff at Iona to realize that Rian was the daughter of a renowned coach who headed the program at Seton Hall from 2013 to 2018.

"As Rian is having conversations and starting with scheduling the visit," Rick added. "Todd (Plourde) put together two-and-two with the last name."

Rick eventually got the head coaching job at the UMBC in December of last year, and shortly thereafter the unique rivalry game was on the two teams' schedules.

Mixed emotions for Iona's Rian Stainton when childhood friend Cheyenne Payne scores for UMBC

Both Rian and Rick tried to keep things business-as-usual in the lead up to the historic matchup between their two teams, but there's only so much that can be done to avoid the elephant in the room.

"I never wanted to bring that to the fore front to the team and the team knew that," Rick said. "As Rian's priority was finding ways for her team to beat us, my priority was supporting our team and providing them with everything I can to make sure that we were prepared to beat them."

But of course, his team at UMBC was well aware of the stakes of the matchup.

"Finally in one of our pregame meetings, one of my leaders goes, 'So what number is your daughter?'" he added with a laugh. "That kind of broke the ice."

On the day of the game, Rick spent more time chatting with his counterpart at Iona in the lead up to kick off. Father and daughter exchanged text messages and met briefly on the field during warm-ups.

"I knew I had to lock in, and I kind of forgot we were playing my dad at that point," Rian recalled. "It was just kind of like another game, had to get the job done and work. But it was definitely full of emotions, all types of emotions."

Once the whistle blew, it was just another game like the hundreds of others the two had shared over the years. Of course, this edition had a notable twist.

Rick's gameplan proved to be well-executed as UMBC took control early and dictated the pace against Iona. The Retrievers outshot the Gaels 11-3 in the first half, but neither team was able to get on the board as the score remained 0-0 heading into the half.

The start of the second half was mostly tame through the first 10 minutes, but UMBC's attack continued to wear down Iona's defense. The Retrievers finally struck first in the 58th minute to take a 1-0 advantage. The two squads continued to battle as the Gaels hoped to muster a late equalizer. As Rian looked on, a familiar face got the deciding goal for her dad's team: freshman midfielder Cheyenne Payne.

Payne, who joined UMBC's recruiting class shortly after Rick got the job, capitalized on a lapse by Iona's goalkeeper. She drilled a shot that ricocheted off the cross bar and back into the goal, sealing the Retrievers' 2-0 victory in the 85th minute.

"The goalkeeper had the ball and she just kind of kicked it out to me, which was just fortunate luck," said Payne. "You kind of feel it. Once I hit it, I had good connection."

"It was kind of like a bittersweet moment," Rian added. "She's such a great player and I'm happy for her. But at the same time, it kind of sucked."

Rick Stainton: 'We just did something special together'

As the final moments of the 90-minute match ticked away, the concoction of mixed emotions reached its tipping point. Cheyenne ran over to Rian immediately after the game and the two embraced. But for the tenacious freshman, the loss still stung.

"When the last whistle blew, I was definitely upset cause of the loss," Rian continued. "I was just happy to see everybody and it was a good experience. And like I said, it was like history."

Of course, the father and daughter also shared a hug that was the culmination of a lifelong family journey intertwined with soccer.

"Everything just melted into that moment knowing that we just did something special together. That's going to be long-standing and forever," Rick said. "Now, we're on to our next opponents."

Ever the competitor, Rian will be looking to even the score next year. The hope is that this family rivalry game will be on the schedule during each of her four seasons at Iona. But regardless of the outcome, each game is a reminder of the pride she takes in her own athletic journey.

"I like it because I've done it all on my own," she said. "I'm excited for the future."

This article originally appeared on Asbury Park Press: Rian Stainton of Brick, NJ, faced dad's UMBC team in college soccer first