Jersey Fouls is our ongoing exploration of the rules and etiquette for proper hockey jersey creation and exhibition. If you spot what you think may be a foul in your arena, email a photo to us at firstname.lastname@example.org for inclusion in future installment.
We begin this installment in Denver, where the Colorado Avalanche have captured the hearts and minds of fans, and in the case of the latter have apparently warped them.
Reader Amy J. checks in with this Avalanche of failure:
Snapped these at Avs vs. Wild Game 5. "Balls to the Roy" and "VarlaRoy" aren't exactly setting Denver on fire, so these two came up with those all on their own.
He used even more tape to change his old #37 Ryan O'Reilly jersey into a half-assed #33 for Roy.
So much wrongness.
“VarlaRoy” at least has some semblance of hockey relevance, given how well Semyon Varlamov played for the Avs last season. It’s a terrible pun, but at least he didn’t go with “Rendezvous with RoyMov.”
But “Balls to the Roy” sounds somewhere between obscene and the worst answer from the worst sports-related category in the history of “@Midnight”.
Coming Up: More Avs fouls; the Wild consolidate; honoring ex coaches and ex players; the Hawks suck; Scott Gomez tribute; and cheap Habs.
And here … we … go.
Another Colorado foul, but this time it’s a classic. Aaron Cali writes:
They were showing the 2001 Stanley Cup Final game 7 on NHL Network today and I saw this. Is there a statute of limitations on Jersey Fouls? (It says "SAK ITCH” if you can’t read it).
No, there isn’t. Especially when it comes to shining a light on the glory that is “Sak Itch.”
This Minnesota Wild fan wanted to honor the most important moment in franchise history, a.k.a. when they paid close to $200 million to buy two other teams’ star players. From Jared Mehle:
Walking into the Xcel for Game 6 vs. the Blackhawks, I was lucky enough to catch this guy who apparently couldn't decide between a Parise and Suter jersey. Not pictured, the #11 on one sleeve and the #20 on the other. No. 98 of course symbolizes the $98M contracts both guys got.
Somewhere in New York, there’s a dude with a Gomez and Drury FrankenJersey silently screaming.
Speaking of which …
Frank Castaldi writes in with this New York Rangers Foul, and a tribute to Scott Gomez:
Not too sure if this a jersey foul, or a perfect display of the greatest trade/criminal act in NYR history.
We only wish we had a GIF of Glen Sather cackling with a lit cigar in his mouth to run next to it.
From the Southern Mecca of Jersey Fouls, a Tampa Bay Lightning tribute to a former coach via Alexis Boucher (no relation):
As a Lightning fan, I'm used to seeing some bad jerseys from my teams' home games on Puck Daddy. It's become a little game for me in the stands as well. The season may be young, but Bolts fans do not disappoint.
Caught the enclosed beauty on the plaza before a game during the first home stand. A "Guy Boucher 11/12" jersey. The former coach was popular, but this raises some important questions. Why 11/12? He became coach in 2010 and did make the playoffs for the '10-'11 season. '11-'12 was largely uneventful. Or is it just an homage to a love of fractions? We may never know.
Duh … 11 divided by 12 is .917, which is rounded to 92, which is the inaugural season of the Lightning. Also something something illuminati something …
Via reader Caroline:
This has to be a jersey foul. (It says "Hawks Suck" if you can't read through the blur.)
It is, and obviously a nod to 1967, when the St. Louis Blues were added to the NHL as a franchise whose sole accomplishment is really hating Chicago.
Shannon writes in with this bit of nuttiness:
Saw this at the Detroit Red Wings game against Tampa Bay on 11/9/13. It says applecaker. Not sure why but the number is that of Justin Abdelkader.
While we prefer “AfroGator,” “AppleCaker” is acknowledged as clever, provided it’s a reference to a pastry chef.
Reader Brian Lachance brings us this Montreal Canadiens Protest Jersey:
My sister went to the Habs game against the Islanders and saw this. She stopped to ask him what the story was and to take a pic. It was originally a Cammalleri jersey which morphed into an Eller jersey. The fan proudly took the picture. Points for creativity?
This is one of the most creative re-purposings of an old sweater we’ve seen, so yes, points for creativity. But we also imagine the time and energy put into creating it could have also been spent working some overtime to earn extra dough to, you know, buy a stinkin’ Lars Eller jersey.
And finally …
Reader Danny Kaplan reminds us that when it comes to Ilya Kovalchuk, New Jersey Devils fans are a bitter sort. The writing on the jersey would seem to be an attack on his points-per-dollars ratio, which is rather creative.
We just had no idea the original spelling of Kovalchuk had such a Vietnamese influence.
Hey, wait a second …