Abilene Cooper senior embraces life after dealing with bullying growing up with alopecia

Appearances mean everything to a teenage girl, especially when it comes to hair.

So, imagine what it was like when Abigail Pena-Perez started losing her hair at age 10 because of alopecia. She eventually lost all her body hair, and, kids being kids, zeroed in on the little bald girl growing up in the Wylie school system.

“It was one of the hardest things that ever happened to me,” said Pena-Perez, now a 17-year-old senior at Cooper. “At the time, it didn’t affect me that bad. My dad has it. He’s completely bald like me. So, I knew what it was, and I knew what to expect.”

Yet she wasn’t prepared for just how cruel teenagers can be.

“As I got older, things started getting bad with people saying things,” she said. “It was just people being people.”

It all came to a tipping point her freshman year at Wylie.

“When I was at Wylie, people told me I was never going to go to prom, I was never going to have a boyfriend or get married and have children,” she said. “There was a girl at Wylie who told me almost every year, ‘If I looked like you, I would rather die or kill myself than be bald.’

“I had people telling me I should take my own life. I don’t know what came over these people. People saying, ‘Just kill yourself. You’re not going anywhere in life with this.’ I was like, ‘Why? There are worse people in the world. I’m just someone without hair.’”

Yet, the harassment eventually got the best of Pena-Perez. She considered suicide the spring of her freshman year at Wylie.

“Toward the end of my freshman year, my last year here at Wylie, it was getting really bad — so bad where I was thinking maybe it was better to be gone,” she said. “There was a point where I considered taking my own life. I had to fight through it really hard.”

Life-changing moment

Olenda Pena-Perez, Abigail’s mother, remembers when she realized her daughter had alopecia like her father.

“We got home, and I looked up and noticed there were spots (on her head)," Olenda said. “I just knew immediately. I talked to her dad, and we didn’t tell her for a couple of days. We couldn’t even talk about it. We just knew how it was going to change her life. She’ll tell you it changed it for the better.”

The news hit her father hard.

“That was probably the hardest day of my life,” Rafael said. “I have alopecia myself. I got it when I was 8 years old, and I know how tough it was for me growing up in a small town. So, when I found out she had it, it broke my heart.”

He knew it would be tougher for his daughter.

“As a girl, hair is a huge part of their personality, a huge part of their life,” he said. “I knew that was something she wasn’t going to get to experience on dates, proms and dances. She wasn’t going to get her hair done and her hair styled.”

Olenda’s concern was how other people would treat her little girl, especially her school mates. Her concerns proved true.

Olenda didn’t know how bad things had gotten Abigail’s freshman year. It wasn’t until she picked her up from volleyball practice one day that she realized just how bad it was.

“She said I don’t want to be there anymore,” Olenda Pena-Perez said. “I’m tired of people telling me how ugly I am and to kill myself because of how I look.”

Her father, a retired master sergeant from the Air Force, now a sergeant with the Abilene Police Department, was taken aback at just how bad things had become for his daughter.

“I knew she was having issues with other students, but not the extent that it was until her mom came to me and told me,” Rafael said. “That was one of the hardest things to deal with, because she grew up in Wylie. She started kindergarten here. She grew up with all these kids, and to have them turn on her and push her to the point she was feeling those kind of emotions, that bad, was hard to deal with.”

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Switching schools

So, the family started the transfer process to Cooper, including going through all the proper athletic channels and paperwork so Abigail could play volleyball at the school.

It proved to be a good move.

“Cooper saved my life,” Abigail said. “This volleyball team, this volleyball program, has kept me going. People here know me. I have more friends here at Cooper than I ever did at Wylie.”

Abigail has thrown herself in student life at Cooper. She not only plays volleyball, but she is involved with several activities other than sports, including the student council.

“I’ve gotten involved in so much stuff because of volleyball and moving,” she said. “I would never be part involved as much as I am now if hadn’t moved to Cooper.”

Abigail, a middle blocker, has played a key role with a young, inexperienced team this season.

“Her athleticism and energy she plays with, that’s always stood out the most about her,” said Nora Campbell, Cooper’s volleyball coach. “This year, she’s been a huge offensive force for us, very productive for us offensively.”

Campbell has enjoyed watching Abigail’s progression since she joined the volleyball program her sophomore year.

“She’s a kid who gets after it every single day,” Campbell said. “You know what you’re going to get from her energy-wise, focus-wise. Abigail is an easy kid to coach. She doesn’t have bad days. You know she’s going to put max effort into whatever she’s doing.”

Campbell also loves who Abigail is off the court — a confident, bigger-than-life personality.

“It’s hard to explain to outsiders, but Abigail, her personality, the person behind all of that is who you get to know,” Campbell said. “I don’t notice she has alopecia. That’s just the honest answer. I don’t see her any differently than I see other kids, and it’s because she has such a bold personality. There’s no other way to describe it. Her personality shines through. She’s a kid with a big personality.”

Not that there aren't times when she has to deal with her past. Cooper plays in the same district with Wylie, and Abigail must return to the school at least once every season. The Lady Cougars played their last scheduled match against Wylie on Tuesday at Bulldog Gym.

“Coming here is really emotional for me. … This is where I felt like I was nothing," Abigail said. "I felt belittled, and I was nobody to anyone. Coming back here every year has been so emotional. I did cry when I came in here. This is the last one. I never have to come back here again.”

Hiding it well

Some people might be wondering why Wylie didn’t do more for Abigail, but Wylie volleyball coach Shay Cox said she didn’t know how bad the situation was for her at the time.

“What she brought to us, she didn’t kind of convey the seriousness of it, honestly,” Cox said. “It was just girls not getting along with girls or one girl with another girl. When she moved out, I was pretty taken aback.”

Cox said Abigail usually was a very happy, positive person and gave Cox little reason to think things were as bad as they were, whether it be with the volleyball team or other students in the school.

“Abby, she hid it well,” Cox said. “She’s upbeat. You never not see her not smiling. She has an infectious personality.”

Until that day in the car, when Abigail reached a breaking point, mom and dad had taken the approach that Abigail needed to deal with her problems head on.

“We weren’t going to try to push it,” Olenda said. “I told her the same thing I would assume most parents tell their kids. Ignore them. They’re not worth it. Don’t be around people like that. It doesn’t matter what they say. We kept telling her all those things.”

And once Olenda realized just how bad things were that day in the car, she decided it was time for Abigail to move on and didn't take the matter up with anyone at Wylie.

“When she clarified, ‘No, I don’t want to be in this world anymore. I’m tired of them telling me how ugly I am and how I don’t deserve to be in this world anymore.’ I just said we’re done,” Olenda said.

In hindsight, Olenda said maybe the family should have told Wylie officials more about the situation.

“We probably should have said and done more,” Olenda said.

Then again, moving on worked out well for Abigail, though she still has several friends at Wylie, including players on the Lady Bulldogs' team.

Owning her condition

That personality is something it took time for Abigail to develop. She eventually realized the best way to deal with her condition was to own it.

“I’ve heard it all, but I took control of what I was taking in,” Abigail said. “People still say things, but I don’t let it affect me. I hear some things when we go to volleyball games, like, ‘Is that a boy or a girl? Do they have a dude on the team?’ I let it all fly past me. I don’t think about it.”

She is actually OK with people asking her about her condition, which for her has no other symptoms or problems other than hair loss.

“I’m just bald,” she said. “That’s all there is.”

Yet people who don’t know her often think she’s dealing with cancer.

“A lot of people think I’m sick, and they wonder why I’m playing sports if I’m sick,” she said. “Maybe she’s faking it. There’s a huge list of assumptions people have made about me, and I know I probably only know 10% of it. I know things are said, but I let it fly over me. I don’t care. I don’t listen to them.

“Sometimes people say, ‘I’m scared to ask you about this, but what happened to your hair?’ I love it when people ask me. I love to inform people what happened. Then they say, ‘Oh my gosh, you have alopecia. My cousin has alopecia.’ They have a full-circle moment, and it’s just great. I love teaching people about what I have. You don’t see somebody like me every day.”

Abigail also goes to an alopecia camp, Alepeciapalooza, every year.

“It’s my favorite place in the whole wide world,” she said. “I would choose to go there over anywhere else. That’s what really gets me going.”

She is also active in alopecia social media and gives motivational speeches to young girls with the condition.

“I have so many alopecia friends,” she said. “I contact them, and I talk to them. Being part of the community is how I get through it.”

Embracing life at Cooper

Then there’s Cooper, which has embraced her — bald head and all.

“It was probably the best thing we ever did,” said her dad, Rafael. “Since she’s been a Cooper, she’s excelled. The other students love her. She’s very popular on campus. She’s popular among her teammates. She’s living her best life, and I’m so happy to see her as happy as she is.”

Her mom echoed the same sentiments.

“The football players stand up for her,” Olenda said. “She has been accepted by everybody. There’s not been a single student who’s ever said anything ugly or hateful to her. I love those kids. If I won the lottery, I’d buy them all a car. That’s how much I love those kids at Cooper for what they’ve done for my daughter.

“But she’ll tell you. She’s glad it (alopecia) happened to her because it has made her who she is. She likes who she is now. She’s been humbled, and I think she’s a pretty awesome human being.”

Her dad, too, has marveled at his daughter’s transformation.

“For a long time, it was hard, then I saw howe well she took it,” he said about her alopecia. “She’s a very strong individual. She took it way better than I did. It makes me proud to see how she’s grown up with it, how she’s accepted it, how she’s embraced it and how she’s flourishing. She’s a beautiful girl, full of spirit and full of love. I couldn’t be prouder of her.”

This article originally appeared on Abilene Reporter-News: Abilene Cooper senior overcomes bullying because of alopecia