31 Takes: Blaming Benn, Seguin takes a special kind of galaxy brain

The Dallas Stars aren’t good. Few would dispute this.

They’re plugging away in the standings, sure (largely because Ben Bishop is going off this season), but their underlying numbers are terrible and their offense is subpar. Actually, that’s putting it kindly. They’re 27th in goals per 60. And that’s after being below-average last year as well, at 18th.

Now, team CEO Tim Lites said in an expletive-filled rant that the problem really lies with the Stars’ big-money men, Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin. His owner, apparently, signed off on that evaluation. He says the team is “just too good” to be this bad.

Not hard to see why he’s frustrated, at least on the surface. Those two guys make a combined $15.25 million against the cap — and next year it balloons to $19.35 million — to be scorers and they’re not scoring at what you’d consider their historic rates.

They lead the low-scoring Stars in points, sure, at 32 for Seguin and 30 for Benn in 38 games. Linemate Alex Radulov has 29 in 28 games. Radulov’s is a great number, but Seguin and Benn are on pace for 70 and 65 points, and that ain’t $9-million-AAV production.

(Which, by the way, if they signed 27-year-old Benn to an eight-year deal expecting him to produce like 25-year-old Benn for even half the life of that contract? And will be expecting the same out of Seguin starting next season? I can guarantee you they’re gonna be disappointed.)

Perhaps Lites wanted to a light a fire under their asses. He certainly wants someone to “write it.” So here’s this: Once again, Hockey Men don’t understand modern hockey.

Dallas is more or less a cap team and, 38 games into the season, those three guys mentioned above are the only ones with more than 19 points on the year. Nineteen. If you’re not getting half-a-point-a-game production from anyone but your three best players, well, that’s a team problem and not a them problem.

It’s a hell of a lot of money to spend on a group that produces that little offense. The Stars score nearly 5.4 goals per hour with all three of those big weapons on the ice together in all situations. That number is fifth in the league among all lines getting at least 300 minutes together.

When they’re off the ice, Dallas’s scoring rate drops to less than 2.1 goals per 60. Hell, when it was only Benn and Seguin in the 10 games Radulov missed, their production dropped to 2.4 goals per 60.

That is, in part, because they were saddled with Jason Spezza, who by the way makes $7.5 million against the cap and is totally washed. And yet when he was on their line, they still scored 3.2 goals an hour. When Spezza doesn’t play with anyone from the top line — that is, when he’s supposed to be the $7.5-million driver of play — the Stars score fewer than 3 goals an hour, because he doesn’t have much help either.

And that’s the real problem here.

Jim Nill has built — and paid a ton of money for — a team that cannot generate offense. It’s a team whose fifth-best forward is, I guess, Devin Shore? That’s what’s “not good enough.” Shore has 81 points in 201 career games.

And you’re gonna get on Benn and Seguin for underperforming? Leaving Spezza aside, how about Val Nichushkin, who’s been a total bust coming back from the KHL? How about the fact that Blake Comeau is on your roster in 2019 and signed through 2021? How about Mattias Janmark, Radek Faksa, and Brett Ritchie, who have a combined 11 goals?

I would have said it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what the team’s real problem is, but maybe it does. Because Benn and Seguin could definitely stand to be better and you gotta think they will once they get 60-something games with Radulov. By the end of the season, I doubt their points-per-game numbers will be as substandard as they are now. Can’t say the same for Spezza, Faksa, et al.

Like I said, it’s understandable why Lites and Tom Gaglardi would be frustrated with a cursory glance. But they watch every Stars game and, presumably, have access to information we do not. Teeing off in the media over a cursory examination is a dereliction of their duties.

Putting undue expectations on your two best players doesn’t really seem like it’s gonna work out in the long run. Because the only thing that’s “[expletive]ing horse[crap]” about this team is its depth.

31 Takes

Anaheim Ducks: Gotta think that’s it for Jake Dotchin as a legit prospect. He couldn’t hack it with super-sheltered, limited minutes. Oh well.

Arizona Coyotes: Gotta think we have very different definitions of “still afloat.”

Boston Bruins: You wonder if the Bruins will literally ever have a 100 percent healthy lineup.

Buffalo Sabres: Yeah I wouldn’t go around holding my breath that this team is gonna keep winning a ton in the second half.

Calgary Flames: We love Big Save Dave, don’t we folks? Very good.

Carolina Hurricanes: Now this? This is a very interesting question.

Chicago: Imagine you watch three months of this team and your big take at the halfway point is, “Can they turn it around?” I have a guess: Absolutely not.

Colorado Avalanche: When things aren’t going right, the one thing you gotta do is break up your only good line. Makes a ton of sense, to me.

Columbus Blue Jackets: Sometimes it’s like “what are ya gonna do?” Columbus isn’t as good as the Leafs. That’s life.

Dallas Stars: Overlooked in the whole Lites thing is that he’s just some CEO and he has no say in day-to-day hockey ops (and he shouldn’t) so if the owner is sending him angry texts it’s like, “Ah yeah man, who cares?”

Detroit Red Wings: Yeah the losses hurt. It’s almost ALMOST like everyone in hockey that wasn’t in the Detroit media knew this was coming.

Edmonton Oilers: I know the local media is finally turning on Chiarelli but isn’t it so weird that they’re doing so just weeks after saying “Actually Milan Lucic is earning his money in other ways” and days after saying “The Oilers are really lucky to get Kris Russell back?” No bigger brain geniuses in hockey media than these guys.

Florida Panthers: Wow Michael Hutchinson is worth a fifth-round pick in 2018? Will wonders never cease?

Los Angeles Kings: Congrats to the Kings for only losing to Vegas for the first time the other day. Incredible accomplishment.

Minnesota Wild: As I was saying, who needs freakin’ Matt Dumba right????

Montreal Canadiens: Yeah, sure, and I need to make a million dollars for this take. Nice to need things.

Nashville Predators: When a guy gets suspended for a third of the season for domestic violence, that’s really only the fourth-biggest story of the year for your franchise? Very cool.

New Jersey Devils: The great thing about Mackenzie Blackwood playing well is that the Devils have never in their recent history pinned too many hopes on a backup goalie playing well while Cory Schneider was hurt.

New York Islanders: Boy if Michael Dal Colle can just shoot 40 percent or whatever in the NHL too, they’re gonna be in business.

New York Rangers: Shocker: The Rangers look like they’re gonna move on from Kevin Hayes. Incredible.

Ottawa Senators: Well, I wouldn’t worry too much about this.

Philadelphia Flyers: The other attitude the Flyers have under Gorton is “never say you’ll play defense.”

Pittsburgh Penguins: Man this contract stinks.

San Jose Sharks: Playing the Oilers, so often, is a nice little cure for what ails ya offensively.

St. Louis Blues: *waiting a nearly infinite amount of time to respond* I wonder if anyone was saying this two or three years ago.

Tampa Bay Lightning: Yeah when you can suddenly fall into a very easy job that pays millions of dollars, I bet life really is pretty good. Things’ll get hard this summer, though.

Toronto Maple Leafs: Results of Saturday’s game notwithstanding, this is a joke, right?

Vancouver Canucks: Oh yeah Travis Green is ….. doing a……… great………… job?

Vegas Golden Knights: I can’t wait for Ryan Reaves to have to stop selling this craft beer.

Washington Capitals: My take? The Sens are bad.

Winnipeg Jets: Jets are supposed to be fast.

Gold Star Award

Don’t look now but Erik Karlsson has 14 points in his last nine games.

Minus of the Weekend

Now the Leafs look like MORONS for signing Tavares!!!

Play of the Weekend

You’ve all seen it already but, hey, why not see it again?

Perfect HFBoards Trade Proposal of the Week

User “Phasenet” wants to cook something up.

Signoff

Hold it right there. Looks like the spider caught hisself a couple of flies.

Ryan Lambert is a Yahoo! Sports hockey columnist. His email is here and his Twitter is here.

(All stats via Corsica unless otherwise noted.)

More NHL coverage on Yahoo Sports: