Shutdown Corner - NFL

The Los Angeles Times wanted to talk to Jerry Jones about the giant tribute to orgiastic excess that he's building to house Dallas Cowboys games in the future. The stadium cost $1.2 billion, has a retractable roof, a video screen on which players will be 72-feet tall, and best of all, it gives him an opportunity to belittle the Houston Texans.

“The Cowboys have never been about checkered tablecloths and boots and hats,” Jones said. “They’ve been about glitz and glitter. Leave the other stuff to the Houston Texans.”

Right. Because all Dallas Cowboys fans wear Rolex watches and Armani suits to games, while all Texans fans wear flannel shirts, chaps, and boots that have had manure hosed off of them in the past 24 hours.

Am I to believe that there's never been a checkered tablecloth or a pair of boots tailgating outside of Texas stadium? Is there some tasteful, understated elegance in a scream of "HOW 'BOUT THEM COWBOYS?!" that I'm just not picking up on?

As a non-Texan (though I've heard your warnings, and no, I'd never consider messing with Texas), Jerry's line feels to me like someone from northern Alabama making a redneck joke about someone from southern Alabama. I'm not sure that people outside the region differentiate.

Sure, the Cowboys have a higher-profile, a deeper history, a better record, and bigger stars than the team in Houston. But Texas is Texas. If you want to apply a boot-wearing, checkered-tablecloth-loving stereotype to one team, you've got to apply it to both. If you've got a need to paint fanbases, these both get the same brush.

I think the real solution here is for everyone to start wearing cowboys boots ... but putting glitter on them. Best of both worlds. It's a stunning look, and everyone wins.

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